I'm getting married next year and everyone knows it's never too early to plan stuff lol! I'm 19 now, will be 20 then, my fiance is the same age as me. I'd like advice on what bedroom wear is best liked by men that age. Any additonal advise from possibly married women? Thanks!
(no crude comments please)Soon-to-be-Wife... lingerie advice?
Aw im 19 and getting married as well in june!
I asked my fiance what he would like..
He likes the cute stuff.
Like baby doll tops.
With boy shorts.
Every guy is different.
He doesnt like that
hooker stuff.
Have a lingerie party!
You will get all sorts
of stuff.
Cutie sexy and hooker haha.
My bridesmaids are throwing
me one. I cant wait!
Isnt it so exciting
being engaged? :)
Good luck hun!Soon-to-be-Wife... lingerie advice?
I would recommend looking through Victoria Secret online and asking him to give you an idea of what is likes, 9 out of 10 if your browsing through VS with him, you won't even have to ask!
Keep it simple but awesome, you won't be in it long!
Nice to have a set with a robe, actually.
wow -
http://www.amazon.com/Bridal-White-Long-鈥?/a>
http://www.amazon.com/Chiffon-Underwire-鈥?/a>
http://www.amazon.com/Jonquil-Tessa-Sati鈥?/a>
http://www.fredericks.com/product.asp?ca鈥?/a>
http://www.fredericks.com/product.asp?ca鈥?/a>
well, my husband likes tame stuff, so not all tastes are the same. he even finds me sexy in my comfy-sweats!! so there REALLY is no accounting for taste!
there are too many options, and i would go with whatever he told you he likes.
You definately don't want Hook** heels and leggings. My husband likes the Teddy stuff with thongs or something. It's nice and not slut**! Good luck
I know that my man likes when I wear anything that shows off my breasts or my a ss. I think guys just like to their woman in something other than just the normal everyday wear. Surprise is key, my man loves it when he comes home from a long day of work, and Im sitting in the front room with some thing sexy on. Mix it up have fun....he'll love it!
Here are a couple examples of bridal lingerie (for your special night): http://www.loverslaneintimates.com/appar鈥?/a>
As for everyday sexy bedware, I would suggest a sexy chemise: http://www.loverslaneintimates.com/appar鈥?/a> or babydoll: http://www.loverslaneintimates.com/appar鈥?/a>
Enjoy!
From personal experience, I have noticed that guys like either white or black lingerie. It doesn't have to be lacy (which can be itchy to some) as long as it's soft. :)
Have fun and congrats!
I hate to say this, but FH and I have lived together for several years, so I'm not even going to bother with uncomfortable lingerie. Just my comfortable night shirt for me please. LOL
Plus, I can't see spending all that money for something that is so impractical that you wear once, and it gets shoved to the back of the drawer.
I was married when I was only 19 and I can still remember what my hubby told me about lingerie. ';It looks better on the floor!'; He still tells me that he would rather see me with nothing on but my wedding ring, then in some lingerie that he would have trouble getting off! A single strand of pearls is always a nice addition too! Congratulations and good luck!
I was the first woman that ever wore lengerie for my fiance so he loves it. He likes lacey baby doll tops with thong bottoms, cute skirt bottoms with a matching bra and even silk or satin corsets...
Honestly I would take him shopping at a lengerie store.. See what he likes and go from there. However don't buy whatever you try on, make it a surprise. Possibly in his favorite color...
Good luck sweetie and congrats!
Why not take him window shopping at Victoria's Secrets? You can do this either by catalog, Internet or at the local mall. Don't actually purchase anything just have him pick out some things that he likes, then go back when he's not there and purchase one or two of them so it will still be a surprise. Don't be shy about it trust me it can be fun, and it should be something that you will both enjoy...meaning you enjoy and feel good about yourself wearing it and he enjoys ...well you know.
I love lingerie and have closet full of it (really). I actually wear it to bed most nights. It makes me feel good about myself, beautiful and oh, yeah my fiance doesn't mind it either. As you just read I am not married but have been w/Mark for 6 years and just got engaged on 2/14/08. The are two options IMO:
1.) Sexy and 2.) Glamorous
Sexy would be a corset w/ a garter, thigh highs and high heels (yes, you can do it without looking like a slut. Just keep to soft colors).
Glamorous would be a floor length nightgown, with a low scoop neck a V cut and a high slit. You can usually find a matching robe.
May I also suggest not going to Victoria Secret and hitting a local store or www.eyekandeelingerie.com. There is a great line called Elegant Moments that has great prices. I bought a night gown from VS for $120 and then saw the same thing with an Elegant Moments tag for $35. I mean the same thing with a different tag. Enjoy!
At that age, they don't need lingerie!!! LOL!!!
:) Have fun....
Married or not, young or old, all men love to see their wives in something sexy! I am sure anything you pick out will be fine. I know my husband likes red and black and silky!
Many men would like to see you wearing latex with a leather mask and a gag in your mouth.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Help! Army wife needs advice! Please only answer if you are military or former military!!?
Ok, my husband is being deployed although he is still at his mobilization station currently. His MOS is a 91 whiskey(medic) and he was told they were going to do a background check on him to get him some security clearance. I just found out yesterday that there was a warrant issued for his arrest last week because he failed to appear in court (he couldn't have gone to court anyway, he has been gone for 3 weeks!) and our attorney knew nothing about this and is supposed to be checking into it. My question is...if the Army finds this warrant (that my husband knows nothing about, I didnt want him to worry...) will they send him home to pay the consequences??Help! Army wife needs advice! Please only answer if you are military or former military!!?
The army will find the warrant so don't say ';if.'; YOU NEED TO TELL HIM ABOUT IT.
Get the attorney involved and get your husband involved. He will want to have a talk with the JAG officer and get it straightened out. If your attorney didn't know about it, there is a way around it. Your attorney (and maybe the JAG officer) will probably have to have a talk with the judge that issued it and explain the circumstances.
The Army will be helpful since they are deploying him as long as he looks for the help. If he doesn't, they will be much less than helpful. They won't be happy if they have to bring him back for the warrant and then they may take action themselves.Help! Army wife needs advice! Please only answer if you are military or former military!!?
Losing your clearance and bad credit are very serious these days the Army would love to turn your husband back into a ground pounder in Iraq.
I was actually looking at some stuff today and found this:
The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act protects servicemembers from certain judicial proceedings until they return from military service, deployment or overseas tours of duty.
There is more on this site, particularly under Servicemember's Civil Relief Act - Civil Judicial Proceedings
http://www.military.com/ResourcesAlmanac鈥?/a>
For more info, just type it in Google.
As for the security clearance, it shouldn't be a big of a deal if you tell them. Good Luck!
if he is unaware of the warrant due to the deployment, the army will help him.
Totally depends on the nature of the warrant, it sounds like contempt of court, but the original reason he had to go to court will determine whether he is sent home.
YOU Did not specify what the warrant was about -- but yes, the Military will ask questions about the warrant, they will hear about it, and want that cleaned up, and it WILL Affect his duty right now -- and possibly his career (if serious enough)
-- I hope that your husband's attorney will be following up on this ASAP -- and if it is for things like Child Support payment issues -- then that can be a different thing than other issues.
By the way, he SHOULD have taken care of everything WHEN HE GOT HIS ORDERS -- and should have contacted his attorney to take the actions necessary to clear up the problems.
I would think that he should also be concerned at this time -- because he could be subject to action under the UCMJ or Non-Judicial Punishment for leaving his legal obligations like this -- so he needs to SPEND THE TIME he has right now clearing up this issue.
I don't know how it work in the Army, but we went through this all the time in the Navy when we return from West-Pac. They would always tell us before we left to take care of any legal matters (speeding tickets, parking tickets, etc.) before we left. But, there were always some that didn't, and when we returned after 6 months, they were the first ones allowed to leave the ship. They were escorted by U.S. Marshals, though, and turned over to the local police.
Will they bring him back to pay the consequences? That will depend on what he was suppose to go to court for in the first place. I had a bench warrant issued for me once on base for a parking ticket. They didn't try to track me down, but they had it on record. I found out when I went to take care of another parking ticket I received (parking was real bad on base, and there were several times I had to park illegally so I could make morning muster on time).
He should approach the judge who is going to try the case and tell him the circumstances. Stand up and be a man about it through and through. You failed to mention what the warrant was on I noticed. So to answer your question without all the details I would have to say, he might or might not have to go to jail.
this falls under SSCRA. if he knew about the impending court date, he should have had his lawyer request a deferrment/postponement. If he didn't know about the court date, then he may have to be sent back to deal with it. It will depend on what the court date is for.
well the security clearance wont fly..
and depending on what the warrant is for he may or may not be sent home.
if it's like a traffic ticket then no...
anything much more serious yes...
the why of that is if he were to walk around off base and the local cops pick him up they can hold him and the Army don't like that one little bit!
of course when you take into account the current need for boots on the ground they may just get him out of the country ASAP...
and just turn him over to the court once he gets back...
The military wants warm bodies... I think they will just ignore it...
Your husband just needs to inform his security Officer of the infraction and then work to resolve it quickly. It will not have an impact as long as he nips it in the but and it is not a surprise to the investigation. If they are expecting it, then it will go smoothe..
Good luck!
If he becomes aware of the warrant then he should just contact his command and the military should address the situation and do what needs to be done. Not knowing what the warrant is for I cannot tell you much more than that. If it's something minor than I would think that the military would supress the warrant and have it cleared.
If he follows his chain of command properly - he shouldn't have any problems.
He may be sent home to answer the warrant and possibly face Article 15 UCMJ
The army will find the warrant so don't say ';if.'; YOU NEED TO TELL HIM ABOUT IT.
Get the attorney involved and get your husband involved. He will want to have a talk with the JAG officer and get it straightened out. If your attorney didn't know about it, there is a way around it. Your attorney (and maybe the JAG officer) will probably have to have a talk with the judge that issued it and explain the circumstances.
The Army will be helpful since they are deploying him as long as he looks for the help. If he doesn't, they will be much less than helpful. They won't be happy if they have to bring him back for the warrant and then they may take action themselves.Help! Army wife needs advice! Please only answer if you are military or former military!!?
Losing your clearance and bad credit are very serious these days the Army would love to turn your husband back into a ground pounder in Iraq.
Report Abuse
I was actually looking at some stuff today and found this:
The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act protects servicemembers from certain judicial proceedings until they return from military service, deployment or overseas tours of duty.
There is more on this site, particularly under Servicemember's Civil Relief Act - Civil Judicial Proceedings
http://www.military.com/ResourcesAlmanac鈥?/a>
For more info, just type it in Google.
As for the security clearance, it shouldn't be a big of a deal if you tell them. Good Luck!
if he is unaware of the warrant due to the deployment, the army will help him.
Totally depends on the nature of the warrant, it sounds like contempt of court, but the original reason he had to go to court will determine whether he is sent home.
YOU Did not specify what the warrant was about -- but yes, the Military will ask questions about the warrant, they will hear about it, and want that cleaned up, and it WILL Affect his duty right now -- and possibly his career (if serious enough)
-- I hope that your husband's attorney will be following up on this ASAP -- and if it is for things like Child Support payment issues -- then that can be a different thing than other issues.
By the way, he SHOULD have taken care of everything WHEN HE GOT HIS ORDERS -- and should have contacted his attorney to take the actions necessary to clear up the problems.
I would think that he should also be concerned at this time -- because he could be subject to action under the UCMJ or Non-Judicial Punishment for leaving his legal obligations like this -- so he needs to SPEND THE TIME he has right now clearing up this issue.
I don't know how it work in the Army, but we went through this all the time in the Navy when we return from West-Pac. They would always tell us before we left to take care of any legal matters (speeding tickets, parking tickets, etc.) before we left. But, there were always some that didn't, and when we returned after 6 months, they were the first ones allowed to leave the ship. They were escorted by U.S. Marshals, though, and turned over to the local police.
Will they bring him back to pay the consequences? That will depend on what he was suppose to go to court for in the first place. I had a bench warrant issued for me once on base for a parking ticket. They didn't try to track me down, but they had it on record. I found out when I went to take care of another parking ticket I received (parking was real bad on base, and there were several times I had to park illegally so I could make morning muster on time).
He should approach the judge who is going to try the case and tell him the circumstances. Stand up and be a man about it through and through. You failed to mention what the warrant was on I noticed. So to answer your question without all the details I would have to say, he might or might not have to go to jail.
this falls under SSCRA. if he knew about the impending court date, he should have had his lawyer request a deferrment/postponement. If he didn't know about the court date, then he may have to be sent back to deal with it. It will depend on what the court date is for.
well the security clearance wont fly..
and depending on what the warrant is for he may or may not be sent home.
if it's like a traffic ticket then no...
anything much more serious yes...
the why of that is if he were to walk around off base and the local cops pick him up they can hold him and the Army don't like that one little bit!
of course when you take into account the current need for boots on the ground they may just get him out of the country ASAP...
and just turn him over to the court once he gets back...
The military wants warm bodies... I think they will just ignore it...
Your husband just needs to inform his security Officer of the infraction and then work to resolve it quickly. It will not have an impact as long as he nips it in the but and it is not a surprise to the investigation. If they are expecting it, then it will go smoothe..
Good luck!
If he becomes aware of the warrant then he should just contact his command and the military should address the situation and do what needs to be done. Not knowing what the warrant is for I cannot tell you much more than that. If it's something minor than I would think that the military would supress the warrant and have it cleared.
If he follows his chain of command properly - he shouldn't have any problems.
He may be sent home to answer the warrant and possibly face Article 15 UCMJ
Need advice on my wife here?
My wife wants to go to the local pool today but she's putting on some weight lately.. If she jumps in, it will be like Moses parting the seas again. I want to avoid this, how can I talk her out of it?Need advice on my wife here?
HAHAHAAAHAHAAA
take her!!!!!! but take LOTS of pictues!!!!!
and when she jumps in yell
SHAMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
and if she yells at you blame it on the guy next to you!
even punch him!!! thatll make it seem real!
:DNeed advice on my wife here?
Whatt...that is crazy.
You should let her go, and you have no need to be ashamed of her if you love her. It really does not matter what other people think. And if you talk her outta it, she will probably figure out what you are trying to do and that will hurt her badly. But you can suggest going gyming or exercising together.
You don't want her to jump or you don't want her to go at all?
If you don't want her to jump, just tell you are scared of her getting hurt.
If you don't want her to go at all, take her out somewhere nice instead....OR send her to get her nails done instead, pamper her...
If you really care for her, say it to her.
Tell her that you are afraid on her from people's choices and it's better to choose some other place to go to till she loses some weight; like going together a picnic...etc where she could get to move around.
You need to get a divorce. You are sick and need help. Does your wife know you put things like this on the internet for millions of people to see? How twisted are you? Get some good help and divorce her so that she can find someone who actually loves her...!!!
For every thing you complain about that you think is wrong with your wife, there are many other guys that will love and accept her for who and what she is.
Wow, I wonder if she realises the 'wonderful' partner you are. Perhaps you should just let her go to the pools by herself, and then she can find a man who appreciates her body just the way it is.
That thought should not even cross your mind and makes you sound egotistical to want to take away her fun cause she too fat for me. Old Polka song.
Tell her the party was cancel'd... go to Toy's R Us and get her 5 or 6 ( of those Blow Up Pool's....One for each Leg, Arm.. and one (maybe 2)for her @ss.....Let the Party Come to Her!
I think if you try you will hurt her feelings. Most women are very self conscious of their weight.
dude that is your wife who cares what anybody else thinks
if somebody has something to say you should drown them.
What do you have against parting seas? That was a WONDERFUL event. Reboot your thinking.
You dont, you go, you chose to marry who you did, so who cares what anyone else thinks
I say let her swimming is good excercise
School is out and you are bored, try reading.
if she is not that bad you should let her swim dont be rude to her by that
you're are kind of a douche of a husband, aren't you?
I'd pay a dollar to see that!
HAHAHAAAHAHAAA
take her!!!!!! but take LOTS of pictues!!!!!
and when she jumps in yell
SHAMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
and if she yells at you blame it on the guy next to you!
even punch him!!! thatll make it seem real!
:DNeed advice on my wife here?
Whatt...that is crazy.
You should let her go, and you have no need to be ashamed of her if you love her. It really does not matter what other people think. And if you talk her outta it, she will probably figure out what you are trying to do and that will hurt her badly. But you can suggest going gyming or exercising together.
You don't want her to jump or you don't want her to go at all?
If you don't want her to jump, just tell you are scared of her getting hurt.
If you don't want her to go at all, take her out somewhere nice instead....OR send her to get her nails done instead, pamper her...
If you really care for her, say it to her.
Tell her that you are afraid on her from people's choices and it's better to choose some other place to go to till she loses some weight; like going together a picnic...etc where she could get to move around.
You need to get a divorce. You are sick and need help. Does your wife know you put things like this on the internet for millions of people to see? How twisted are you? Get some good help and divorce her so that she can find someone who actually loves her...!!!
For every thing you complain about that you think is wrong with your wife, there are many other guys that will love and accept her for who and what she is.
Wow, I wonder if she realises the 'wonderful' partner you are. Perhaps you should just let her go to the pools by herself, and then she can find a man who appreciates her body just the way it is.
That thought should not even cross your mind and makes you sound egotistical to want to take away her fun cause she too fat for me. Old Polka song.
Tell her the party was cancel'd... go to Toy's R Us and get her 5 or 6 ( of those Blow Up Pool's....One for each Leg, Arm.. and one (maybe 2)for her @ss.....Let the Party Come to Her!
I think if you try you will hurt her feelings. Most women are very self conscious of their weight.
dude that is your wife who cares what anybody else thinks
if somebody has something to say you should drown them.
What do you have against parting seas? That was a WONDERFUL event. Reboot your thinking.
You dont, you go, you chose to marry who you did, so who cares what anyone else thinks
I say let her swimming is good excercise
School is out and you are bored, try reading.
if she is not that bad you should let her swim dont be rude to her by that
you're are kind of a douche of a husband, aren't you?
I'd pay a dollar to see that!
Just caught wife having Affair- Advice Appreciated?
I just caught my wife out having an affair. We have been married for 10yrs and have 3 small children. When I first had a gut feeling I asked her to her face and she denied it and swore blind it was not true. I had to find out through my own investigation. Once I confronted her with the proof she begged for forgivness and said she would do anything to fix it. I found various emails from her to him saying she was with my for children and she hated coming home from work as she had to see me. At the time of catching her she was planning to see him again. She only spent one night with him but I feel more happened than she will admit to. I have found since that she has not been fully honest and I find it hard to move forward if there is still alot of doubt in my mind. I feel she wanted me at home for the kids sake and finacially and she wanted him for her other needs and was happy to continue it. Part of me wants to go do what she did so she sees how it feels. I am hurt and doubt her. HelpJust caught wife having Affair- Advice Appreciated?
I would have her ch4ecked out at the hospital and make sure she doesn;t have any diseases and then kick the ****** out.Just caught wife having Affair- Advice Appreciated?
hmm in her mind maybe it was okto go sleep with another guy.ouch, that hurts,don't think about what happened and how many times,you'll drive yourself crazy!Id kick the ****** out too, you can't trust a person that lied to your face about cheating,it's not worth it.Think about your well being.
Hire a Private investigator to get all the evidence you will need in court, I would hire a divorce attorney at the same time and get his advice as well
An affair is an affair. Of course the one caught always says they're sorry. And the fling really wasn't really much. And they felt unloved. What are they gonna say- ';got to wondering what sex would be like with(fill in specific slime ball) so I banged a few other guys.'; I doubt you can fix this. It might be different if she'd ended the affair, confessed, and asked forgiveness. But, in this case, she just got caught. Be honest. Can you truly see yourself trusting her again? Can you truly forgive? Can you get rid of the mental images in your mind?
oh boy,... that hurts, I know. First of all, dont go do what she did, that would probably make you feel worse. Maybe she really is sorry for doing that.Ask her what made her do it to begin with. I know that its really hard to forgive someone for doing this, but you need to try if shes really sorry. See how things go for awhile, you'll know in your heart if shes really sincere or not. Good luck!
I think that give her the boot and each see your kids equally.
Of it was just a fling that would be different but she was telling the other guy about her family, which is wrong! The things she said about you in the emails says something totally different, she was putting you down and everything so obviously she doesn't care for your campanionship only your support.
If you want to handle this then you can see a marriage counselor.
It is for sure that no two words, ';I do';, have brought more hope and happiness. Yet at the root of all the commotion are secrets and dishonesty -- undermining one of our most important institutions.
There are many places and ways that you can go about getting counseling.
Don't cheat just to get even - will only make it worse.
find someone who will appreciate you and be loyal to you
Don't just cheat to get back at her! It is childish and will only cause more trouble. But if she will not own up to her actions and be fully honest with you then she is not doing her part to fix this. Counselling is probably in your best interest as it will drag everything out in the open where it can be dealt with in a mature manner.
Just remember that your kids are what matters most and that no matter what she is their mother and the two of you are their whole world. Be careful how you behave for their sake.
Hi
i hope that you can find the path that you are looking for
i too had a huge gambling problem and i have blown a lot of money and had a huge fight with my wife as well.
BUT!!!
we have stayed loyal for a 6 weeks separation and now we are back together she has been faithful and i have been faithful.
the most important thing is that you actually need to go and see counselling, everyone makes a mistake in life. Could be gambling, cheating or even lust with the opposite sex.
now you have to think clear about what YOU actually want:
1, do you want to take her back and give it a try for the kids sake
2, get ride of her and hold on to the kids
3, see counselling and see if it is worth working out.
its all up to YOU what you want to do, really mate i know its very hard and i know you are so confused i was as well but you need to find yourself and tell her to find herself and see what happens there.
i also have grown up in a broken family where my dad left my mum and its the worst thing that any KID can go through.
be honest with yourself and make sure that's what YOU want at the end.
good luck mate and i hope that you can find the answer in YOUR self
Musty118
man i'm right there with you. i have had some doubts about my situation . i recently moved out because of some issues and it hurts. but the one thing ive realized is that it hurts a little less each day.if you can prove this in court you might get custody of the kids (it'll be hard) but you need to believe you can go on without her. you will have to be a strong person to trust her again if that is what you choose, but probably not the healthiest thing to do for you. the kids are important but you have to be the person you wanna be to be a good dad. if there is resentment there then your kids are gonna feel it too. good luck
move on as it will never workout keep it civil and look oafter your kids
It sounds like you need to move on. Even though there are children involved and that is extremely hard on everyone, you also have to remember that she is being selfish and not thinking about you or her kids. She is being irresponsible and not remembering where her home truly lies. If she were thinking about anyone but herself, she would have been responsible enough to talk to you about this when it started happening. If she say she wants to stay together, get professional help and see if that is really what you should do. If she really wanted to stay together, she would have come forward with her cheating and not had you find out the hard way. Honesty is a hard thing to do, but when you truly love someone, you have to do the right thing.
Just be done with her. Trust is everything. What is a relationship w/o trust. You will always have the doubt in the back of your head wandering what she is doing, why she is home late...etc. I know it sucks, but if i were you, i'd just be done.
Wow, Arron. First of all I'm very sorry that you and your children have to go through this. She obviously is not putting her children at the top of her list of priorities. Nor her marriage. Will you ever be able to forgive her and trust her? If not, don't stay with her because if you can't get past this then it will fester over the years and lead to resentment.....and possibly hatred for her. Your children deserve better and so do you. If she can only think of her own needs and not consider those of her family, then she has some issues she needs to deal with. Apparently she didn't realize when she became a mother that her needs don't come first anymore, such as it is when you become a parent. Again, I'm sorry.....and wish you all the very best.
Tell her to tell you the truth then you will know if she is telling you the truth honestly do the same as she did to you and call it even if you feel more happen then always go with your insist.,
Kick her out. Once trust is lost in a relationship, there is no point continuing it. You will always have that doubt and it will eat at you. Make sure she is the one leaving the house. In most states the one that leaves will have the most trouble in the court room. I've seen it happen.
Ugh - I had a similar experience with my now ex...
I found her pursuing a former bf, who was in prison at the time... and I know for a fact she cheated very early on in our relationship. I also suspect she was cheating near the end, as she got engaged within months of us parting company, then pregnant and married...
Anyway - your wife has broken trust in her. And she's the one who needs to address this. She needs to be completely honest with you about what she has been doing, and why. Then you need to decide if you can forgive her, and if you want to.
Many couples stay together for the sake of the children. You may want to do that, its certainly healthier for the children, unless the two of you hate each other and fight a lot.
As far as what she was doing - there was an interesting study done some years ago about women and infidelity. It found that women want to things - a good reliable, financially secure male to help in raising children, and a passionate, wild romance with a lover... often these two do not match up... the result being that in the US at least, some 10% of men are raising children who are not their own... they are the product of an affair.
You two could certainly go for the old standby - stay together for the kids, whilst pursuing romantic relations with others. However, I wouldn't do this out of revenge on your part. It sounds like she might not care, and if a divorce becomes the only solution - proof of her infidelity, and proof or your loyalty to the marriage will serve you well in court.
I wish you all the best.
-dh
Only u can decide to stay or leave... U could give her a second chance but U will never be able to trust her again ..can u live with that ?
You are in a jam because the 3 children need a mother and a father. You will need to think about what is best for the children. That requires that you put aside your rightfully hurt feelings.
Perhaps you 2 will have to live like roommates until the children are grown. At least they have a mom and dad in the home.
Don't expect to ever fully trust her again. But try not to hurt your kids.
the trust will never come back .,without that there is no chance for you and her.at every turn you and her will fight and the kids will see this ,what will it tell them . i feel it is best for all to cut your lose. i am sorry to tell u this and i hope you can find peace
wow thats rough buddy.I dont know about you but I couldnt be married to someone I didnt completely trust and straight out lied to my face.If I was you I would hunt down the other guy and beat the sh*t out of him
The trust is broken. It is not yours to fix. If she doesn't prove herself, or make any, and all attempts to seek counseling, or whatever it takes, to make the marriage work, dump her. Save your self allot of pain and start taking steps to protect what is yours and in the best interests of your children. Cancel all your joint credit cards, accounts......pay them up and then cancel all of them. If she runs again, let her go and have a good attorney on retainer. Look out for your children and your self.
I don't think that doing what your wife did, will solve anything. At this point she's not the major concern, the kids are the major concern, what are you going to do with your children? I think that you have to take a long talk with your wife to what she wants from life? And take it to counseling if necessary, but I really suggest to try to overcome this situation for the kids sake, it's awful to grow up with out your both parents~Please try and think things over, I know it's easier said than done but you have to overcome, God will give you the strengh you need to over come this hard episode of your life and don't blame yourself that you sound like a very good man, and sometimes these are just stones in our way we have to kick to the side. My best wishes to you and your family~
due to her hiding the truth, and u having to find out on your own, don't think she can ever be truthful, think she planned to keep seeing him, and use u to take care of other things. don't do to her what she did to you, you would just be stooping to her level, and it would hurt your self worth in the process. you have children and sometimes divorce would also mean alot of problems for u financially speaking. ask her to go to therapy, with u. make some changes in the relationship, it will be hard to forget it, u may never be able to. know that your marriage may never feel the same. know that this is a problem with in herself and has noting to do with who u are. get counseling first, than if it doesn't work u will have to look at the situation again and make a decision. absolute honesty is important right now, need alot of communication, so u can voice your hurt, she needs to know u won't be able to go right back into the trust u once had for her, that it will take time, and will all be determined by her actions.
I think you need far better advice than you can get from a place like this.
I'd recommend both of you going to a counselor and seeing if you can work things out... they are trained to do this stuff and see it all the time and will do a far better job of helping both of you determine what is best for you and your kids.
Being faithful is one of the most important aspects of any relationship and key to marriage she has destroyed your trust
and the family if she has done this once she has no problem doing it again depending on your job status and such I would consider taking a seperation from each other right now just to get a grip on the situation. You must consider what she has done and it sounds like she has not alot of love for you anymore. Divorce may be in the future but consider staying with a friend
and getting some counselling sessions set-up together to discuss why she may have done this and the reason. God Bless and Good luck.
You are understandably hurt and the trust is gone. I would suggest some counseling and hopefully she's receptive to that. Don't just take her word for anything. She's proven herself to be dishonest. If you're willing to work it out, it's up to her to PROVE to you she's done acting like a ho. Don't settle for less. Unfortunately, your kids along with you, are going to be the ones that will suffer for her indiscretion. I hope she's a better person than she sounds.
Its over, trust is everything, she'll keep it up since she feels you'll keep taking her back. Get a good lawyer since its her doing the cheating you'll make out better in the divorce
She forgave your mistakes in the past, you should forgive hers. Don't leave your family because of this. She wants to work it out, go get counselling together, it works. Maybe she was unconsciously doing this to get ';even'; with you for your gambling. Women have affairs out of resentment a lot, it's not always sexual. She is probably glad you found out. Don't leave unless you absolutely can't fix it. Think about your family! It might not seem like it now, but you can get your marriage back. Good luck.
Be strong. First I would go over your finances. Make sure that she is contributing her fair half to all your combined bills. Second any money that is left over from your paycheck you start putting in your own private acct. She needs to learn to live within her means if she's going to pull this crap. Next demand access to every email account including inviting your to her work to go through her email there, voice mail and cell phone. Then since it sounds like she works with this guy have her file have her meet with HR with you to see what if any harassment charges can be filed. Next have her find a new job. Then tell her that this is just the beginning to repair the damage she has done. Finally you both need to start seeing a counselor.
I would have her ch4ecked out at the hospital and make sure she doesn;t have any diseases and then kick the ****** out.Just caught wife having Affair- Advice Appreciated?
hmm in her mind maybe it was okto go sleep with another guy.ouch, that hurts,don't think about what happened and how many times,you'll drive yourself crazy!Id kick the ****** out too, you can't trust a person that lied to your face about cheating,it's not worth it.Think about your well being.
Report Abuse
Hire a Private investigator to get all the evidence you will need in court, I would hire a divorce attorney at the same time and get his advice as well
An affair is an affair. Of course the one caught always says they're sorry. And the fling really wasn't really much. And they felt unloved. What are they gonna say- ';got to wondering what sex would be like with(fill in specific slime ball) so I banged a few other guys.'; I doubt you can fix this. It might be different if she'd ended the affair, confessed, and asked forgiveness. But, in this case, she just got caught. Be honest. Can you truly see yourself trusting her again? Can you truly forgive? Can you get rid of the mental images in your mind?
oh boy,... that hurts, I know. First of all, dont go do what she did, that would probably make you feel worse. Maybe she really is sorry for doing that.Ask her what made her do it to begin with. I know that its really hard to forgive someone for doing this, but you need to try if shes really sorry. See how things go for awhile, you'll know in your heart if shes really sincere or not. Good luck!
I think that give her the boot and each see your kids equally.
Of it was just a fling that would be different but she was telling the other guy about her family, which is wrong! The things she said about you in the emails says something totally different, she was putting you down and everything so obviously she doesn't care for your campanionship only your support.
If you want to handle this then you can see a marriage counselor.
It is for sure that no two words, ';I do';, have brought more hope and happiness. Yet at the root of all the commotion are secrets and dishonesty -- undermining one of our most important institutions.
There are many places and ways that you can go about getting counseling.
Don't cheat just to get even - will only make it worse.
find someone who will appreciate you and be loyal to you
Don't just cheat to get back at her! It is childish and will only cause more trouble. But if she will not own up to her actions and be fully honest with you then she is not doing her part to fix this. Counselling is probably in your best interest as it will drag everything out in the open where it can be dealt with in a mature manner.
Just remember that your kids are what matters most and that no matter what she is their mother and the two of you are their whole world. Be careful how you behave for their sake.
Hi
i hope that you can find the path that you are looking for
i too had a huge gambling problem and i have blown a lot of money and had a huge fight with my wife as well.
BUT!!!
we have stayed loyal for a 6 weeks separation and now we are back together she has been faithful and i have been faithful.
the most important thing is that you actually need to go and see counselling, everyone makes a mistake in life. Could be gambling, cheating or even lust with the opposite sex.
now you have to think clear about what YOU actually want:
1, do you want to take her back and give it a try for the kids sake
2, get ride of her and hold on to the kids
3, see counselling and see if it is worth working out.
its all up to YOU what you want to do, really mate i know its very hard and i know you are so confused i was as well but you need to find yourself and tell her to find herself and see what happens there.
i also have grown up in a broken family where my dad left my mum and its the worst thing that any KID can go through.
be honest with yourself and make sure that's what YOU want at the end.
good luck mate and i hope that you can find the answer in YOUR self
Musty118
man i'm right there with you. i have had some doubts about my situation . i recently moved out because of some issues and it hurts. but the one thing ive realized is that it hurts a little less each day.if you can prove this in court you might get custody of the kids (it'll be hard) but you need to believe you can go on without her. you will have to be a strong person to trust her again if that is what you choose, but probably not the healthiest thing to do for you. the kids are important but you have to be the person you wanna be to be a good dad. if there is resentment there then your kids are gonna feel it too. good luck
move on as it will never workout keep it civil and look oafter your kids
It sounds like you need to move on. Even though there are children involved and that is extremely hard on everyone, you also have to remember that she is being selfish and not thinking about you or her kids. She is being irresponsible and not remembering where her home truly lies. If she were thinking about anyone but herself, she would have been responsible enough to talk to you about this when it started happening. If she say she wants to stay together, get professional help and see if that is really what you should do. If she really wanted to stay together, she would have come forward with her cheating and not had you find out the hard way. Honesty is a hard thing to do, but when you truly love someone, you have to do the right thing.
Just be done with her. Trust is everything. What is a relationship w/o trust. You will always have the doubt in the back of your head wandering what she is doing, why she is home late...etc. I know it sucks, but if i were you, i'd just be done.
Wow, Arron. First of all I'm very sorry that you and your children have to go through this. She obviously is not putting her children at the top of her list of priorities. Nor her marriage. Will you ever be able to forgive her and trust her? If not, don't stay with her because if you can't get past this then it will fester over the years and lead to resentment.....and possibly hatred for her. Your children deserve better and so do you. If she can only think of her own needs and not consider those of her family, then she has some issues she needs to deal with. Apparently she didn't realize when she became a mother that her needs don't come first anymore, such as it is when you become a parent. Again, I'm sorry.....and wish you all the very best.
Tell her to tell you the truth then you will know if she is telling you the truth honestly do the same as she did to you and call it even if you feel more happen then always go with your insist.,
Kick her out. Once trust is lost in a relationship, there is no point continuing it. You will always have that doubt and it will eat at you. Make sure she is the one leaving the house. In most states the one that leaves will have the most trouble in the court room. I've seen it happen.
Ugh - I had a similar experience with my now ex...
I found her pursuing a former bf, who was in prison at the time... and I know for a fact she cheated very early on in our relationship. I also suspect she was cheating near the end, as she got engaged within months of us parting company, then pregnant and married...
Anyway - your wife has broken trust in her. And she's the one who needs to address this. She needs to be completely honest with you about what she has been doing, and why. Then you need to decide if you can forgive her, and if you want to.
Many couples stay together for the sake of the children. You may want to do that, its certainly healthier for the children, unless the two of you hate each other and fight a lot.
As far as what she was doing - there was an interesting study done some years ago about women and infidelity. It found that women want to things - a good reliable, financially secure male to help in raising children, and a passionate, wild romance with a lover... often these two do not match up... the result being that in the US at least, some 10% of men are raising children who are not their own... they are the product of an affair.
You two could certainly go for the old standby - stay together for the kids, whilst pursuing romantic relations with others. However, I wouldn't do this out of revenge on your part. It sounds like she might not care, and if a divorce becomes the only solution - proof of her infidelity, and proof or your loyalty to the marriage will serve you well in court.
I wish you all the best.
-dh
Only u can decide to stay or leave... U could give her a second chance but U will never be able to trust her again ..can u live with that ?
You are in a jam because the 3 children need a mother and a father. You will need to think about what is best for the children. That requires that you put aside your rightfully hurt feelings.
Perhaps you 2 will have to live like roommates until the children are grown. At least they have a mom and dad in the home.
Don't expect to ever fully trust her again. But try not to hurt your kids.
the trust will never come back .,without that there is no chance for you and her.at every turn you and her will fight and the kids will see this ,what will it tell them . i feel it is best for all to cut your lose. i am sorry to tell u this and i hope you can find peace
wow thats rough buddy.I dont know about you but I couldnt be married to someone I didnt completely trust and straight out lied to my face.If I was you I would hunt down the other guy and beat the sh*t out of him
The trust is broken. It is not yours to fix. If she doesn't prove herself, or make any, and all attempts to seek counseling, or whatever it takes, to make the marriage work, dump her. Save your self allot of pain and start taking steps to protect what is yours and in the best interests of your children. Cancel all your joint credit cards, accounts......pay them up and then cancel all of them. If she runs again, let her go and have a good attorney on retainer. Look out for your children and your self.
I don't think that doing what your wife did, will solve anything. At this point she's not the major concern, the kids are the major concern, what are you going to do with your children? I think that you have to take a long talk with your wife to what she wants from life? And take it to counseling if necessary, but I really suggest to try to overcome this situation for the kids sake, it's awful to grow up with out your both parents~Please try and think things over, I know it's easier said than done but you have to overcome, God will give you the strengh you need to over come this hard episode of your life and don't blame yourself that you sound like a very good man, and sometimes these are just stones in our way we have to kick to the side. My best wishes to you and your family~
due to her hiding the truth, and u having to find out on your own, don't think she can ever be truthful, think she planned to keep seeing him, and use u to take care of other things. don't do to her what she did to you, you would just be stooping to her level, and it would hurt your self worth in the process. you have children and sometimes divorce would also mean alot of problems for u financially speaking. ask her to go to therapy, with u. make some changes in the relationship, it will be hard to forget it, u may never be able to. know that your marriage may never feel the same. know that this is a problem with in herself and has noting to do with who u are. get counseling first, than if it doesn't work u will have to look at the situation again and make a decision. absolute honesty is important right now, need alot of communication, so u can voice your hurt, she needs to know u won't be able to go right back into the trust u once had for her, that it will take time, and will all be determined by her actions.
I think you need far better advice than you can get from a place like this.
I'd recommend both of you going to a counselor and seeing if you can work things out... they are trained to do this stuff and see it all the time and will do a far better job of helping both of you determine what is best for you and your kids.
Being faithful is one of the most important aspects of any relationship and key to marriage she has destroyed your trust
and the family if she has done this once she has no problem doing it again depending on your job status and such I would consider taking a seperation from each other right now just to get a grip on the situation. You must consider what she has done and it sounds like she has not alot of love for you anymore. Divorce may be in the future but consider staying with a friend
and getting some counselling sessions set-up together to discuss why she may have done this and the reason. God Bless and Good luck.
You are understandably hurt and the trust is gone. I would suggest some counseling and hopefully she's receptive to that. Don't just take her word for anything. She's proven herself to be dishonest. If you're willing to work it out, it's up to her to PROVE to you she's done acting like a ho. Don't settle for less. Unfortunately, your kids along with you, are going to be the ones that will suffer for her indiscretion. I hope she's a better person than she sounds.
Its over, trust is everything, she'll keep it up since she feels you'll keep taking her back. Get a good lawyer since its her doing the cheating you'll make out better in the divorce
She forgave your mistakes in the past, you should forgive hers. Don't leave your family because of this. She wants to work it out, go get counselling together, it works. Maybe she was unconsciously doing this to get ';even'; with you for your gambling. Women have affairs out of resentment a lot, it's not always sexual. She is probably glad you found out. Don't leave unless you absolutely can't fix it. Think about your family! It might not seem like it now, but you can get your marriage back. Good luck.
Be strong. First I would go over your finances. Make sure that she is contributing her fair half to all your combined bills. Second any money that is left over from your paycheck you start putting in your own private acct. She needs to learn to live within her means if she's going to pull this crap. Next demand access to every email account including inviting your to her work to go through her email there, voice mail and cell phone. Then since it sounds like she works with this guy have her file have her meet with HR with you to see what if any harassment charges can be filed. Next have her find a new job. Then tell her that this is just the beginning to repair the damage she has done. Finally you both need to start seeing a counselor.
Advice for husband/wife business operation?
We own and operate an auto transport business, he does the hauling and I take care of dispatching and administrative issues. Sometimes the stress is overwhelming and we take it out on each other.
Need advice from other couples who are business partners.Advice for husband/wife business operation?
I know from owning a biz with my sister, plus with my parents owning their own, the real problem is trying to seperate your personal life from your business. You might just instill some rules in your house that you cannot discuss business at the dinner table or in the bedroom (you can have a notebook to write down things to discuss later).
I have talked to people in family run businesses that hired someone to come in and consult on how to run the business more effieciently and keep everyone from killing one another. . . I wish I would have written down the names of agencies used. It seemed to work for the one person that told me about it!
Good Luck!Advice for husband/wife business operation?
Take some time off alone and together.
Need advice from other couples who are business partners.Advice for husband/wife business operation?
I know from owning a biz with my sister, plus with my parents owning their own, the real problem is trying to seperate your personal life from your business. You might just instill some rules in your house that you cannot discuss business at the dinner table or in the bedroom (you can have a notebook to write down things to discuss later).
I have talked to people in family run businesses that hired someone to come in and consult on how to run the business more effieciently and keep everyone from killing one another. . . I wish I would have written down the names of agencies used. It seemed to work for the one person that told me about it!
Good Luck!Advice for husband/wife business operation?
Take some time off alone and together.
For the guys....advice when wife is in labour?
hi all, my best friend is close to full term and her hubby is fully stressed out. I have three kids and myself and my husband has tried to calm him down. All my kids were induced so i was always in a hospital setting.
Any advice from the dad's out there???For the guys....advice when wife is in labour?
She knows her body. Let her decide what is best(with advice from the doctor or midwife)Be her advocate when she can't talk. Water with a straw, always get it for her. Count slow, but not too slow. And whatever she says in labour that's bad about you, she doesn't really mean. Oh yeah, when you cut the cord, keep your mouth closed, blood does squirt out a bit.For the guys....advice when wife is in labour?
Sorry, I'm a woman, but...
He needs to know that the best thing he can do for her is just to be there. She will be able to make requests of him during labor (like back rubs, foot massage, getting her things or even just holding her hand).
My hubby is going through this too. We are having a home birth (first baby) and I am 6 days overdue, so he is getting really stressed. We have talked about it together and with the midwives and he admits that the root of his problem is that he feels helpless. He is afraid because he feels his role is undefined and he doesn't know exactly what to expect. He feels like he has no control (and he doesn't, lol). I am reassuring him that he just needs to be there and be supportive, that's it. He also admits that he is afraid of my pain and afraid that he won't be able to handle seeing the ';blood and guts'; involved. I assured him that he doesn't even need to be down there, but can sit by my head and not have to look. (though I think he will be missing out :) He is more fearful and apprehensive than I am and I am the one who will ultimately be doing the work!
I would recommend that your friends husband talk to his pregnant wife and the caregiver about what he is feeling. He will be fine and do what he needs to do, that is all he CAN do.
I think most of the time for men this is an issue of control and the fear of losing it. He needs to surrender to the process and just accept whatever comes. He really is incapable of doing anything else anyway.
Our poor men are so fragile, aren't they! :) Bless them.
Ask him why he's stressed out?
Fear of being a dad / losing wife etc? I'm sure you can answer any concerns if you explore what it is that has him so anxious.
End of the day, tell him millions have done it, it's fabulous, do what's natural and love his wife by caring for her with back rubs / getting drinks etc.
my babys daddy was the same, tell him just to talk to her, hold her hand and tell her how well she is doing. she'll thank him for it later.
sorry I'm a woman to but i got to answer this. my husband was wonderful during both my labors best thing he can do is just be there. tell her he loves her and when it over let her know she did a good job. and thank her for giving him a child.makeup care
Any advice from the dad's out there???For the guys....advice when wife is in labour?
She knows her body. Let her decide what is best(with advice from the doctor or midwife)Be her advocate when she can't talk. Water with a straw, always get it for her. Count slow, but not too slow. And whatever she says in labour that's bad about you, she doesn't really mean. Oh yeah, when you cut the cord, keep your mouth closed, blood does squirt out a bit.For the guys....advice when wife is in labour?
Sorry, I'm a woman, but...
He needs to know that the best thing he can do for her is just to be there. She will be able to make requests of him during labor (like back rubs, foot massage, getting her things or even just holding her hand).
My hubby is going through this too. We are having a home birth (first baby) and I am 6 days overdue, so he is getting really stressed. We have talked about it together and with the midwives and he admits that the root of his problem is that he feels helpless. He is afraid because he feels his role is undefined and he doesn't know exactly what to expect. He feels like he has no control (and he doesn't, lol). I am reassuring him that he just needs to be there and be supportive, that's it. He also admits that he is afraid of my pain and afraid that he won't be able to handle seeing the ';blood and guts'; involved. I assured him that he doesn't even need to be down there, but can sit by my head and not have to look. (though I think he will be missing out :) He is more fearful and apprehensive than I am and I am the one who will ultimately be doing the work!
I would recommend that your friends husband talk to his pregnant wife and the caregiver about what he is feeling. He will be fine and do what he needs to do, that is all he CAN do.
I think most of the time for men this is an issue of control and the fear of losing it. He needs to surrender to the process and just accept whatever comes. He really is incapable of doing anything else anyway.
Our poor men are so fragile, aren't they! :) Bless them.
Ask him why he's stressed out?
Fear of being a dad / losing wife etc? I'm sure you can answer any concerns if you explore what it is that has him so anxious.
End of the day, tell him millions have done it, it's fabulous, do what's natural and love his wife by caring for her with back rubs / getting drinks etc.
my babys daddy was the same, tell him just to talk to her, hold her hand and tell her how well she is doing. she'll thank him for it later.
sorry I'm a woman to but i got to answer this. my husband was wonderful during both my labors best thing he can do is just be there. tell her he loves her and when it over let her know she did a good job. and thank her for giving him a child.
I have been having trouble finishing my wife off , advice please?
Use ballistics.I have been having trouble finishing my wife off , advice please?
You are painting Mrs Cockburn use your imagination.I have been having trouble finishing my wife off , advice please?
Just tell her to use her hand - you've done your bit!
The cheeky mare!
a simple shinku-hadouken would suffice.
:)
Have a look outside, i have heard people saying rabbits are good for that sort of thing. I have no idea how though :)
Hire someone to do it for you.
Use your tongue.
walk into your nearest police station and ask them
:)
Try Mayo
just fcuk her brains out and call it abstract
o...k.....I don't know anything about this but from tv ads i'm guessing viagra?
lol i agree water colours would have been better!;)
my freaking god.
you guys are suck frikking jerks.
you ask yahoo answers?!?!?!
oh wow.
low life.
You are painting Mrs Cockburn use your imagination.I have been having trouble finishing my wife off , advice please?
Just tell her to use her hand - you've done your bit!
The cheeky mare!
a simple shinku-hadouken would suffice.
:)
Have a look outside, i have heard people saying rabbits are good for that sort of thing. I have no idea how though :)
Hire someone to do it for you.
Use your tongue.
walk into your nearest police station and ask them
:)
Try Mayo
just fcuk her brains out and call it abstract
o...k.....I don't know anything about this but from tv ads i'm guessing viagra?
lol i agree water colours would have been better!;)
my freaking god.
you guys are suck frikking jerks.
you ask yahoo answers?!?!?!
oh wow.
low life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)