I have gained 30 pounds I crave choclate like crazy I cant sleep for squat till 3 or 4 am I even get night craving for food and my ankles are swollen my back is killing me and now she is in her 7th month and every time she has a contraction it feels like something is kicking my balls Please tell me other men of experience this I feel out of wack and a lil wierd saying anything to others around me about all this also I experience sympathy pains with my first son but nothing like I am experience now for my daughter to be... I hoping there are others like myself its easier to talk about I just feel like my manlyness is goneA man with sypmathy pains for his wife seeking advice?
your manlyness hasnt gone, and this is all very normal, i have heard many men say the same thing you are saying and you should not feel abnormal, its kinda like the thing where women in the same house always get the period around the same day, its something that cannot be explained but you are normal, just try to think about the wonderful gift of a baby your about to recieve and everything will be worth it :) congratulations xxA man with sypmathy pains for his wife seeking advice?
Don't sweat it. If it's any consolation, it will be over in 2 months.
I, too, went through sympathetic symptoms of pregnancy with my wife while she was pregnant with each of our 3 kids. I think it's better that way. It makes the husband understand what the wife is going through. I'm glad I didn't get labor pains or go through the birthing process, though.
Well, it's all because of the amount of estrogen in your body. Talk to your doctor about it, S/He should be able to give you somthing to help deal w/ the Ball kick feeling.
And yes, there are many guys with the same problem.
My husband experiences the same things. It means you are really in touch with your wife, and that you feel for her. The other week, I started getting really bad nipple pains-- about the time I noticed I started leaking the pre-milk colostrum. My husband knew nothing of it, I didn't tell him about it... And the next day he comes out of nowhere complaining about one of his nipples on his breast hurting, and that it was red and cracked. I took a look at it and sure enough he was right. So I put lanolin cream on his nipple like I had been doing on mine. But that was sympathy pains and he didn't even know about it. Weird. But normal.
Your man hood is not gone. Look on the brite side 1. it will be over in 2 months and 2. I bet your wife is really happy with you lol
My husband seperated himself from me when I became pregnant both times and I really dont think he realized he had a kid untill my 1st was aabout 5 months old. He is just starting to bond with our second son (hes 15 months now) I think he is an *** hole so I really hope your wife is happy with you. Good luck
p.s
Im so sorry to say this but I have to...
Im really happy some men out there can get a just of what we went through
SORRY *s*
Friday, January 8, 2010
Got a friend who has lost his wife. need advice .?
i have a friend who has lost his wife about year and half ago. we have been friends for a long time. he is alot older and we have worked together in past. he mourns his wife which i understand and want to be there to listen and care. but, he contines to drink and hurt himself. he cooks to pass the time and yeaterday he shared another dish despite me telling him over and over please no more food. and he is driving in the driveway which i have asked him not to. because most of the time he is drunk. i saw him take a swige as he was backing up yesterday. he didnt see me watching. he is 65 i feel like saying grow up !!! you are gonna hurt yourself hurt someone else !!! but i am careful i dont want to be the one to push him over the edge as he is still deppressed over his wife. WHAT CAN I DO ???? i have to set my boundries. i do not approve of his behavior...yet if i express this who knows what he will do. drink and drive more ?? i want to be a friend but, i am tolersting behavior, i dont like !!!Got a friend who has lost his wife. need advice .?
sure, when you see him drinking call the cops and report his tags. if you do it twice, they'll start looking for him. Other wise start going to Al anon it's a support group for people that have to deal with alcoholics.Got a friend who has lost his wife. need advice .?
You really want to know what to do, Okay. The man has a death wish. He really sees no purpose in going on. You are correct about the drinking, sooner or later he or some else is going to get killed. Next time you see him in the car drinking, dial 911 and let them handle it. That may just be the wake up call he needs.
try getting him involved with outside activities that will shunt his brain from focusin gon his loss. as he continues to focus on his loss he will keep spiraling more and more into depression.. ya gotta shock him out of it.. get others involved also that might help with doing other things with him. .and then ask him to stop doing the things to you that you consider unacceptable. . hurt his feelings.. it's ok..
Tell him his wife had been seeing the mail man for that last ten years. That will help him move on. If that doesn't work tell him that she told you she'd rather be dead than live another day with him. Get the idea? I just want to help.
You need to stand up and tell him to his face that you do not approve of his behavior, and until he straightens up his act, you no longer will be his friend. Hopefully he will see what he is about to lose and change his ways. Good luck.
tell him his wife would not want him to drink himself to death or put other people in danger.and if he continues his behavior you cannot be his friend anymore because your not going to sit by and watch him through his life away.
tell him his wife would not want him to drink and see if he will go to a grief support group.
You sound like a good friend to have. His giving you food is, an outlet for the love he once gave his wife. And the booze is the pain killer for his heart. He needs to get help for the drinking, AA is a good place to start. You give them a call and ask someone thats been there what to do. As an outside party they can give you the right answers. It so touches the heart that he chose you to show love to. People forget that love is an Action, and this man is showing you the love he once had for his wife. He could have been inappropriate in his behavior to show love, instead he spent time in the kitchen killing his pain with the booze, and loving you as a friend. Call AA and keep being the Great friend you are. We need more people like you in this world.
jp
Tell him that it is time that he get some help because he is not healing or progressing through the process of grief. More times than people will admit they need professional help to stop destructive behavior and change their outlook so that they can go forward. You cannot do this for him. Tell him point blank that you are worried about his behaviour and you think that he could seriously benefit from some medical and emotional help. Tell him there are groups and such perhaps look up some to refer him to locally but he needs more help than you can give. Tell him to get help and that you cannot condone his behavior or enable him until he does so.
Wow! You are taking this friendship really personal. It sounds like your thoughts are on his situation and not your own. You can't please or save everybody. What you can do is be there as a friend and thats about it but it seems like you are going above and beyond that. It feels like you're taking his pain as you own, why? Is this how you want to live your life right now? By being a crutch to someone who IS NOT your husband. Or are you already married? Either way if you want to remain stuck in this emotional rut then by all means continue. But what about your life?? I guess you can always put it on the back burner until you are ready. Unless of course this way of life makes you happy.
sure, when you see him drinking call the cops and report his tags. if you do it twice, they'll start looking for him. Other wise start going to Al anon it's a support group for people that have to deal with alcoholics.Got a friend who has lost his wife. need advice .?
You really want to know what to do, Okay. The man has a death wish. He really sees no purpose in going on. You are correct about the drinking, sooner or later he or some else is going to get killed. Next time you see him in the car drinking, dial 911 and let them handle it. That may just be the wake up call he needs.
try getting him involved with outside activities that will shunt his brain from focusin gon his loss. as he continues to focus on his loss he will keep spiraling more and more into depression.. ya gotta shock him out of it.. get others involved also that might help with doing other things with him. .and then ask him to stop doing the things to you that you consider unacceptable. . hurt his feelings.. it's ok..
Tell him his wife had been seeing the mail man for that last ten years. That will help him move on. If that doesn't work tell him that she told you she'd rather be dead than live another day with him. Get the idea? I just want to help.
You need to stand up and tell him to his face that you do not approve of his behavior, and until he straightens up his act, you no longer will be his friend. Hopefully he will see what he is about to lose and change his ways. Good luck.
tell him his wife would not want him to drink himself to death or put other people in danger.and if he continues his behavior you cannot be his friend anymore because your not going to sit by and watch him through his life away.
tell him his wife would not want him to drink and see if he will go to a grief support group.
You sound like a good friend to have. His giving you food is, an outlet for the love he once gave his wife. And the booze is the pain killer for his heart. He needs to get help for the drinking, AA is a good place to start. You give them a call and ask someone thats been there what to do. As an outside party they can give you the right answers. It so touches the heart that he chose you to show love to. People forget that love is an Action, and this man is showing you the love he once had for his wife. He could have been inappropriate in his behavior to show love, instead he spent time in the kitchen killing his pain with the booze, and loving you as a friend. Call AA and keep being the Great friend you are. We need more people like you in this world.
jp
Tell him that it is time that he get some help because he is not healing or progressing through the process of grief. More times than people will admit they need professional help to stop destructive behavior and change their outlook so that they can go forward. You cannot do this for him. Tell him point blank that you are worried about his behaviour and you think that he could seriously benefit from some medical and emotional help. Tell him there are groups and such perhaps look up some to refer him to locally but he needs more help than you can give. Tell him to get help and that you cannot condone his behavior or enable him until he does so.
Wow! You are taking this friendship really personal. It sounds like your thoughts are on his situation and not your own. You can't please or save everybody. What you can do is be there as a friend and thats about it but it seems like you are going above and beyond that. It feels like you're taking his pain as you own, why? Is this how you want to live your life right now? By being a crutch to someone who IS NOT your husband. Or are you already married? Either way if you want to remain stuck in this emotional rut then by all means continue. But what about your life?? I guess you can always put it on the back burner until you are ready. Unless of course this way of life makes you happy.
For police, attorneys, insurance types. My wife had an accident yesterday and I seek expert advice on fault!?
She hit a parked vehicle (illegally parked in the middle of our cul de sac) by backing into the vehicle. Is this a situation where the other driver is at fault, both are at fault, or my wife is at fault.
Will insurance adjusters raise our rates for this or not. No damage to the parked vehicle, our car sustained minor damage. No injuries.For police, attorneys, insurance types. My wife had an accident yesterday and I seek expert advice on fault!?
It is a single vehicle, at fault accident. The fact a vehicle is illegaly parked doesn't make it invisible, nor does it mean it is open season to hit it without being blamed. The other driver cannot be at fault if the car was not being driven.
Sorry, I know that isn't what you wanted to hear, but it is exactly the way insurance will look at it. Whether rates are raised or not depends totally on your policy, and how good past records are.
If no claim is put in by the owner of the parked vehicle, and your damage is minor enough that you don't put in a claim, your insurance will not be affected, unless police were called and issued a citation to your wife.
The most that can be issued to the owner of the parked car is a parking ticket.For police, attorneys, insurance types. My wife had an accident yesterday and I seek expert advice on fault!?
If I was the officer called out to investigate %26amp; the other vehicle was illegally parked, both drivers would be cited. The wife for a backing accident (almost 100% of the time a backing accident is at fault), and the vehicle struck for being illegally parked. The ins companies may place a 50/50 culpabilty on both drivers, settle and go on or they could try to play hard ball. Depends on who the ins co is.
Your wife is absolutely 100% at fault here. People try to pull the ';illegally parked'; excuse all the time. Ok, I understand that car was not supposed to be parked there. But how on earth does that give her permission to hit it? What If it was a child ';illegally parked'; there? Your wife is responsible for looking before she backs. Regarding if she thinks something should be there or not.
So, to answer your question- your carrier will pay for the other cars damages. Your rates MAY raise but every company and situation are different- no one can answer that but your agent.
Your wife is 100%. Doesn't matter how the vehicle was parked, she should have seen it no matter what. Your insurance premium will go up, she receives 1 point for an 'at fault accident'.
if a no parking sign was pesent then both of u share fault, if it wasnt then shes at faultpop beauty
Will insurance adjusters raise our rates for this or not. No damage to the parked vehicle, our car sustained minor damage. No injuries.For police, attorneys, insurance types. My wife had an accident yesterday and I seek expert advice on fault!?
It is a single vehicle, at fault accident. The fact a vehicle is illegaly parked doesn't make it invisible, nor does it mean it is open season to hit it without being blamed. The other driver cannot be at fault if the car was not being driven.
Sorry, I know that isn't what you wanted to hear, but it is exactly the way insurance will look at it. Whether rates are raised or not depends totally on your policy, and how good past records are.
If no claim is put in by the owner of the parked vehicle, and your damage is minor enough that you don't put in a claim, your insurance will not be affected, unless police were called and issued a citation to your wife.
The most that can be issued to the owner of the parked car is a parking ticket.For police, attorneys, insurance types. My wife had an accident yesterday and I seek expert advice on fault!?
If I was the officer called out to investigate %26amp; the other vehicle was illegally parked, both drivers would be cited. The wife for a backing accident (almost 100% of the time a backing accident is at fault), and the vehicle struck for being illegally parked. The ins companies may place a 50/50 culpabilty on both drivers, settle and go on or they could try to play hard ball. Depends on who the ins co is.
Your wife is absolutely 100% at fault here. People try to pull the ';illegally parked'; excuse all the time. Ok, I understand that car was not supposed to be parked there. But how on earth does that give her permission to hit it? What If it was a child ';illegally parked'; there? Your wife is responsible for looking before she backs. Regarding if she thinks something should be there or not.
So, to answer your question- your carrier will pay for the other cars damages. Your rates MAY raise but every company and situation are different- no one can answer that but your agent.
Your wife is 100%. Doesn't matter how the vehicle was parked, she should have seen it no matter what. Your insurance premium will go up, she receives 1 point for an 'at fault accident'.
if a no parking sign was pesent then both of u share fault, if it wasnt then shes at fault
Hai Females PLease advice me for how many months during pregnancy can we have an affair with wife?
Uhhhh....are you asking how far into a pregnancy you can still have SEX with your wife???
Or are you asking if it is safe to have an AFFAIR with another man's wife while she is pregnant???? This one would be unsafe - at least for you and possibly for the woman - if her husband found out!
Either way, sex is safe throughout pregnancy, UNLESS it is advised against by the doctor OR if it becomes painful or uncomfortable for the mother.Hai Females PLease advice me for how many months during pregnancy can we have an affair with wife?
You are either:
a. 10 years old or younger
b. mentally retarded
c. a troll
d. all of the aboveHai Females PLease advice me for how many months during pregnancy can we have an affair with wife?
If you're asking can you and your wife have an affair together, then sure. If by affair you mean sex. If you're wanting sex with someone who's not your wife then you need to go ahead and shoot yourself in the dangly bits.
It's safe for your wife to have sex (my doctor recommended it so that I'd go into labor on time) through her entire pregnancy. It's sweet if you're concerned about her and the baby. If it's uncomfortable for her or the doctor tells you not to, then you both will have to find other ways to be sexually fulfilled together. Good luck and congrats on the new baby.
Affairs are having sexual intercourse with someone not your wife.
As to having sex with your wife, it depends whether she is in a private room at the hospital.
If a 7 pound baby can come out of your wife's vagina, your penis would not be a big deal going in.
What? I dont really know what your asking, but why would you want to have an affair on your wife who is carrying your child?
Your question doesn't make sense.
What's with all the poor spelling and grammar in people nowadays %26gt;_%26lt; I can't even understand what you are trying to ask.
Affairs are bad, especially if your wife is pregnant with your kid. You can still have sex with your wife while she's pregnant, but make sure to stop if she's uncomfortable.
I think that answered your question.
Or are you asking if it is safe to have an AFFAIR with another man's wife while she is pregnant???? This one would be unsafe - at least for you and possibly for the woman - if her husband found out!
Either way, sex is safe throughout pregnancy, UNLESS it is advised against by the doctor OR if it becomes painful or uncomfortable for the mother.Hai Females PLease advice me for how many months during pregnancy can we have an affair with wife?
You are either:
a. 10 years old or younger
b. mentally retarded
c. a troll
d. all of the aboveHai Females PLease advice me for how many months during pregnancy can we have an affair with wife?
If you're asking can you and your wife have an affair together, then sure. If by affair you mean sex. If you're wanting sex with someone who's not your wife then you need to go ahead and shoot yourself in the dangly bits.
It's safe for your wife to have sex (my doctor recommended it so that I'd go into labor on time) through her entire pregnancy. It's sweet if you're concerned about her and the baby. If it's uncomfortable for her or the doctor tells you not to, then you both will have to find other ways to be sexually fulfilled together. Good luck and congrats on the new baby.
Affairs are having sexual intercourse with someone not your wife.
As to having sex with your wife, it depends whether she is in a private room at the hospital.
If a 7 pound baby can come out of your wife's vagina, your penis would not be a big deal going in.
What? I dont really know what your asking, but why would you want to have an affair on your wife who is carrying your child?
Your question doesn't make sense.
What's with all the poor spelling and grammar in people nowadays %26gt;_%26lt; I can't even understand what you are trying to ask.
Affairs are bad, especially if your wife is pregnant with your kid. You can still have sex with your wife while she's pregnant, but make sure to stop if she's uncomfortable.
I think that answered your question.
DO I SOUND LIKE A BAD WIFE? PLEASE ADVICE ME?
Well my hubby and a couple of his friends went on a two hour trip this morning... i asked him what he would like me to cook, he told me peanut soup (african dish) peanut soup takes about 3 to 4hrs to be done... the worse is our gas is finished so i have to cook this soup on a coalpot.... 10mins ago he just called me on phone and said his friends and him wanted rice, so i should put the soup on hold and start cooking the rice and stew... i told them i cant becuase i cant stop the peanut soup and start something else all over again.... besides i am not using the gas cooker.... Ladies and guys do you think this makes me sound like a bad wife?? please adviceDO I SOUND LIKE A BAD WIFE? PLEASE ADVICE ME?
No hon,it is not your fault you ran out of gas and that he waited to tell you what to make. Just finish the soup and make a little rice to go with it.I have heard of peanut soup ,it was a favorite of our first president.DO I SOUND LIKE A BAD WIFE? PLEASE ADVICE ME?
no and if you feel you are, your husband must be a real jerk. because he must have gotten upset. but you had asked what he wanted to begin with, he can't change his mind in the middle. you explained why you can't do it. when they get back they should be happy to eat whatever you have made.
I'd tell your hubby if he and his friends want rice then they should get their asses home and cook it- you're going out to dinner.
Not at all - If my hubby asked me to do that I wouldn't be able to write the things I said to him :) You are not his slave and don't feel guilty about saying no.
YOUR HUSBAND IS BEING INCONSIDERABLE !
No, you don't sound like a bad wife.
No. You just stated the facts.
no, maybe he shouldn't boss you around and be happy your cooking things for him in the first place
if this is the worst of your marital problems you'll be married 50 years
No
No hon,it is not your fault you ran out of gas and that he waited to tell you what to make. Just finish the soup and make a little rice to go with it.I have heard of peanut soup ,it was a favorite of our first president.DO I SOUND LIKE A BAD WIFE? PLEASE ADVICE ME?
no and if you feel you are, your husband must be a real jerk. because he must have gotten upset. but you had asked what he wanted to begin with, he can't change his mind in the middle. you explained why you can't do it. when they get back they should be happy to eat whatever you have made.
I'd tell your hubby if he and his friends want rice then they should get their asses home and cook it- you're going out to dinner.
Not at all - If my hubby asked me to do that I wouldn't be able to write the things I said to him :) You are not his slave and don't feel guilty about saying no.
YOUR HUSBAND IS BEING INCONSIDERABLE !
No, you don't sound like a bad wife.
No. You just stated the facts.
no, maybe he shouldn't boss you around and be happy your cooking things for him in the first place
if this is the worst of your marital problems you'll be married 50 years
No
I have been cheating on my wife... Need advice BAD?
My wife, whom i will not name for privacy purposes, and I have been going through a rough patch recently. Although we have been happily married for 12 years and had 4 children we have begun to fight constantly. So after these fights I need to unwind and oft find myself at a certain gentlemen's club where I ';take a load off'; anyways after one particular fight I was a little tipsy and payed for ';satisfaction'; now the lady that I was involved with on this night I have become involved with... What should I do. As a deacon for my church I need to know if I should step down? Should I divorce my wife and repent to god? Should I just suppress my urges to diddle my doodle in her soft spot?I have been cheating on my wife... Need advice BAD?
I am impressed by your witty ';problem';. I understand that those who frequent more academic areas of yahoo answers might find the problems posted on this area to be a bit laughable. I myself find it hard to believe that some of these people really can't figure things out for themselves and post some of the questions I read.
What I find even more amusing is that someone might take your issue seriously and answer with a heartfelt response.
Good job - we all need a reality check now and then.I have been cheating on my wife... Need advice BAD?
you first have to come clean with your wife then step down at church and then call it off with this one person you've been seeing and then go and REPENT for what you have done
or you can be like most men I know and just have a cold beer while pondering this thought and do none of the above and live life
GOD knows we are not perfect and I thik he understands and accepts this as well
I hope you're a troll but it wouldn't surprise me if you're not. If you ARE a deacon, step down because there are already enough hypocrites in the church. How can you cheat and then feel as though it's ok because you have 'repented'? Geez, most of us have rough patches in our marriages and most of us are tempted but since you followed through, you broke the vows you made in front of your God. Hope you're proud.
You're having sex with a whore??? Therefore you are a unclean, adulterous filthy vessel and definitely, need to step down as the deacon of the church, you damned hypocrite!
You know...I don't believe that you were ever a Christian man by the way you sound, you lying savage!
Get rid of Hooker. Step down from your position. Tell Wife.
You committed adultery. Repent now! Oh, and don't do it again.
WTF? diddle my doodle...
You're a CHEATER! What makes you special? Learn to deal with and communicate with your wife instead of run and ';take a load off'; like bringing the garbage to the dump! DEACONESS....SHAME ON YOU!
You married for 12 years and a deacon and ask strangers for help, See a marriage councilor.
You have ';embarrassed yourself';
your family!
your church!
confess to all, and hope for forgiveness!
Seriously, you might could try paying your wife, that might make her alittle more available to you..... maybe your fighting alot with your wife cause your Doodle is limp like a noodle and she is not pleased?....I dont know.....:)
Silly question...:)
You admit it to all and then find out wear that road leads
tell your wife you're in love with a hooker already
oh god how do you sleep at night
You need counseling
you have quite an imagination for asking questions.
you are so not serious and none of this shocks me.
your nasty! i hope she comes in and cuts your ';who-ha'; off!
You are a ******' retard!
troll troll troll
What is going to be gained by telling her? Nothing - but you stand to lose a 12-year marriage and 4 kids, if you do. If you're going through a rough patch, then you need to go to couples' or marriage counseling; they'll help you work through things and get to the root cause.
You're feeling understandably guilty are trying to punish yourself. Don't step down as deacon, don't divorce your wife, DO repent only if you feel you really must, and break things off with this other woman. How are you involved, and what kind of woman do you usually find a ';gentleman's club? From now on, instead of unwinding at a gentleman's club, put on some running shoes and go for a walk or a jog. That will unwind you better than sitting around in a club and drinking, and it'll make you fitter and healthier in the bargain, both you and your marriage.
you are no deacon of any church. but you are a lying cheating lowlife excuse for a what ever you might refer to yourself as. what you need to do is tell your wife so she can make her own decision with which path she would like to take.
I bet you are the type of man who makes his wife put on a smile and continue the day as if her husband isn't an embarassment to her which internally you know that is the way she feels about you.
Watch out hero your wife might have beat you to the punchline better said by you as the sack.. SHe was probably boerd with your little doodle.. god bless from someone who knows the meaning..
This question is so egregious that I'm tempted to think it's a joke. BUT, assuming that you're 100% serious, you have a lot of ';repenting'; to do.
First of all, it is never acceptable to cheat on your wife.
Secondly, you are the worst kind of religious hypocrite. Drinking, going to strip clubs and acting as deacon on Sunday. What the hell, man?
Thirdly, you're involved with a HOOKER? You can say she's a stripper or whatever, but if you paid for sex then she's crossed the line into prostitution. I hope you used protection.
What you do depends on how badly you want to save your marriage. If you truly love your wife, stop cheating on her. Period. There's no need to tell her what happened, not unless you want to wound her beyond belief. Put your energy into making your marriage work, not chasing strange tail.
As for your relationship with God, only you know what to do about that. But I believe the bible says something about ';repent and sin no more';. I'd take that to heart if I was you.
Oh Poor You!!! How hard it must be to be married and go through a rough spot together just to go find comfort in a another woman's Vagina! Come On!! Are you kidding me!?
For you to even suggest that you could continue to doodle in her soft spot only goes to show you have no remorse for what you have done by not only betraying the laws of god but to deceive and discredit the woman that married you and had your children.
So I would suggest you take a long look at yourself and see what it is you want because it doesn't sound as if you want your wife and kids!~!
As far as you r doodle girl .....Hey don't you think shes doodling other men as well!? So she want be yah holla back girl! Sorry!:(
just keep banging the other chic when the need urges. i don't see what the problem is.
I am impressed by your witty ';problem';. I understand that those who frequent more academic areas of yahoo answers might find the problems posted on this area to be a bit laughable. I myself find it hard to believe that some of these people really can't figure things out for themselves and post some of the questions I read.
What I find even more amusing is that someone might take your issue seriously and answer with a heartfelt response.
Good job - we all need a reality check now and then.I have been cheating on my wife... Need advice BAD?
you first have to come clean with your wife then step down at church and then call it off with this one person you've been seeing and then go and REPENT for what you have done
or you can be like most men I know and just have a cold beer while pondering this thought and do none of the above and live life
GOD knows we are not perfect and I thik he understands and accepts this as well
I hope you're a troll but it wouldn't surprise me if you're not. If you ARE a deacon, step down because there are already enough hypocrites in the church. How can you cheat and then feel as though it's ok because you have 'repented'? Geez, most of us have rough patches in our marriages and most of us are tempted but since you followed through, you broke the vows you made in front of your God. Hope you're proud.
You're having sex with a whore??? Therefore you are a unclean, adulterous filthy vessel and definitely, need to step down as the deacon of the church, you damned hypocrite!
You know...I don't believe that you were ever a Christian man by the way you sound, you lying savage!
Get rid of Hooker. Step down from your position. Tell Wife.
You committed adultery. Repent now! Oh, and don't do it again.
WTF? diddle my doodle...
You're a CHEATER! What makes you special? Learn to deal with and communicate with your wife instead of run and ';take a load off'; like bringing the garbage to the dump! DEACONESS....SHAME ON YOU!
You married for 12 years and a deacon and ask strangers for help, See a marriage councilor.
You have ';embarrassed yourself';
your family!
your church!
confess to all, and hope for forgiveness!
Seriously, you might could try paying your wife, that might make her alittle more available to you..... maybe your fighting alot with your wife cause your Doodle is limp like a noodle and she is not pleased?....I dont know.....:)
Silly question...:)
You admit it to all and then find out wear that road leads
tell your wife you're in love with a hooker already
oh god how do you sleep at night
You need counseling
you have quite an imagination for asking questions.
you are so not serious and none of this shocks me.
your nasty! i hope she comes in and cuts your ';who-ha'; off!
You are a ******' retard!
troll troll troll
What is going to be gained by telling her? Nothing - but you stand to lose a 12-year marriage and 4 kids, if you do. If you're going through a rough patch, then you need to go to couples' or marriage counseling; they'll help you work through things and get to the root cause.
You're feeling understandably guilty are trying to punish yourself. Don't step down as deacon, don't divorce your wife, DO repent only if you feel you really must, and break things off with this other woman. How are you involved, and what kind of woman do you usually find a ';gentleman's club? From now on, instead of unwinding at a gentleman's club, put on some running shoes and go for a walk or a jog. That will unwind you better than sitting around in a club and drinking, and it'll make you fitter and healthier in the bargain, both you and your marriage.
you are no deacon of any church. but you are a lying cheating lowlife excuse for a what ever you might refer to yourself as. what you need to do is tell your wife so she can make her own decision with which path she would like to take.
I bet you are the type of man who makes his wife put on a smile and continue the day as if her husband isn't an embarassment to her which internally you know that is the way she feels about you.
Watch out hero your wife might have beat you to the punchline better said by you as the sack.. SHe was probably boerd with your little doodle.. god bless from someone who knows the meaning..
This question is so egregious that I'm tempted to think it's a joke. BUT, assuming that you're 100% serious, you have a lot of ';repenting'; to do.
First of all, it is never acceptable to cheat on your wife.
Secondly, you are the worst kind of religious hypocrite. Drinking, going to strip clubs and acting as deacon on Sunday. What the hell, man?
Thirdly, you're involved with a HOOKER? You can say she's a stripper or whatever, but if you paid for sex then she's crossed the line into prostitution. I hope you used protection.
What you do depends on how badly you want to save your marriage. If you truly love your wife, stop cheating on her. Period. There's no need to tell her what happened, not unless you want to wound her beyond belief. Put your energy into making your marriage work, not chasing strange tail.
As for your relationship with God, only you know what to do about that. But I believe the bible says something about ';repent and sin no more';. I'd take that to heart if I was you.
Oh Poor You!!! How hard it must be to be married and go through a rough spot together just to go find comfort in a another woman's Vagina! Come On!! Are you kidding me!?
For you to even suggest that you could continue to doodle in her soft spot only goes to show you have no remorse for what you have done by not only betraying the laws of god but to deceive and discredit the woman that married you and had your children.
So I would suggest you take a long look at yourself and see what it is you want because it doesn't sound as if you want your wife and kids!~!
As far as you r doodle girl .....Hey don't you think shes doodling other men as well!? So she want be yah holla back girl! Sorry!:(
just keep banging the other chic when the need urges. i don't see what the problem is.
I love my wife...need advice?
I love my wife and we have been married for 2 and a half yrs. We now have a baby boy on the way and there is nothing that I won't do for him. I have been struggling with my relationship. My wife has insecurity/controlling issues. She has gotten a little better of time but still very hard to live with. I went from a life to having a lot of friends to about 2. I feel like I have given up a big part of my life because we can't do anything apart. The other day she thought I had a gf because I was on yahoo answers looking at a girl who asked which hair style was better. Then she got into my emails but forgot my password so she reset it and I couldn't get in. She laughes it off and says well i thought you were talking to girls so i needed to see it...Instead of asking me. The next morning she says she has a dream that i had sex with a girl named sarah. My wife has always had insecurity and we have been to counseling but everything just goes back to the same ol thing. I have warned her that she is pushing me away because I can't live my life with her never letting me do some of the things i want...I like alone time every once in a while. Not only that i cant live with these insecurities. I have warned her for the last time that i would leave if she didn't change...but i dont want to change her...I want her to want to change if you know what i mean... But she tries to justify her reasoning like its ok. Maybe I am the one wrong here, but I will do whatever to try and save my marriage. I just feel unhappy when I have to fight with her to workout or go to my friends by myself, or even argue that i would never cheat or be with anyone else when I go somewhere by myself. She hates to be away from me. Please give whatever advice you can and if you need more info let me know...THANKSI love my wife...need advice?
Your wife needs to trust you and she has no right to snoop or to change your e-mail passwords or to read your e-mail. If she doesn't trust you, she shouldn't be married to you. Show her this.
But really, it all boils down to fear and insecurity on her part. She's afraid of losing you, she doesn't trust herself to ';be enough'; to ';keep you'; and she's trying to prevent you leaving by snooping in all your stuff to find problems before they occur, if that makes any sense.
So, you can help by reassuring her (say ';I love you Babe, I will never leave you';) but also by setting firm boundaries, like you seem to be trying to do. Tell her, ';it is NOT okay for you to snoop in my e-mail, or to change my passwords';.
Until she recognizes what it is she fears, and learns to overcome that fear (and I think it's the fear of losing you) she will not change. Make her understand that nothing in this life is a ';given'; and that her actions will drive you away and make her fear come to pass. You wouldn't have left of your own accord, but if she doesn't quit acting crazy you WILL leave and it will be because of her actions.
I hope this helps. Make her read this.I love my wife...need advice?
She needs HELP. This is not normal behavior, she sounds very controlling and insecure. Have you cheated? did she have bad past relationships?
You know having a baby will make things worse, her hormones are out of whack. You should have waited till you sorted out your problems.
what have you done in the past to make her distrust you? it was something... ive been through it
You sound like a great guy. And i can tell you i honestly used to do the same things she does ....when i was sixteen. You just really need to put your foot down, nicely though. Dont just tell her that shes beautiful, come up with different ways to say it, or different things about her that you find beautiful. Maybe even leave for a day or two, and when you come back tell her that if she has the insecurity issues then you just cant stay. She has to see that there is more to life, and that if you were going anywhere then you would already be gone. Also just be COMPLEATLY open with her, let her read your stuff, look through your stuff even though you shouldnt have to let her do that, it just shows that you have nothing to hide. Tell her your going out, tell her exactly where you will be and maybe call her when you get there or when you leave, i know it sounds like alot for you to do but if you plan on staying with her and dont want to be miserable your going to have to do those things. but SHE NEEDS TO GROW UP! im sure shes beautiful, but she needs to realize that theres more to life, and maybe find a hobby or hang out with friends so she gets off your back
Your wife has emotional and trust issues. I suggest you talk with her obgyn Dr about the way she is acting. It is not normal and could be a danger to your baby. Her mental health is a big concern to me as well. She does not own you and you are not her slave. Her attempt to have you by her side 24/7 is unhealthy for both of you. If I were you I sure would be more careful and not be looking at any girl on your computer. That will for sure just add to her insecurities. I hope you talk openly with her Dr, with her in the room and let him know you may leave the marriage because of the bizarre behavior from your wife. Dr's have an amazing network of people who can help if your wife is willing to do so. I feel bad for you and hope you can save your marriage so your little boy can have a good home with both parents.
Wow. thats kind of a hard situation to be in.
Well normally i would tell people to use communication but it seems like you are a good husband and have already spoken to her.
Some women unfortunately are very jealous and controlling and thats kind of scary if you ask me because its kind of like in spanish soap opera/telenovelas ';if your not for me you will not be for anyone.';
All i can recommend is that you try again. until she gets it..
Sit with her and say i love you seriously i do and im a big enough man to never ever do something to hurt you..like cheating..I love you and im so glad that i get to raise a child with you.. But i hate this whole thing. this whole jealousy thing is just making me not want to be in this. This just makes me angry and pushes away the love that i have for you. If you love me you gotta trust that i will never hurt you. I love you and our child and i would never let anyone get in the way of it. The only person that will get in the way is you if you keep nagging me about things i would NEVER do. Please understand and try your hardest to not be jealous all the time.
I guess if that doesnt work.. Sorry but you should have chose better . I dont mean to be a ***** but you kind of knew what you were getting into. im sure she has been the jealous type the whole time you have been dating and married to her.. jealous people are just jealous all their life or most of it.
thats why its really crucial that you really take the time to get to know a person and pick up on RED FLAGS when you are dating.. so you do not bring a child into a not so good mommy and daddy relationship.. If talking does not work..i doubt anything will..since you said youve tried the counseling..thats just how she is.. sorry. hope it all works out and congrats on the baby
Mk I totally understand where your coming from. I can see that you want to be a good father and husband so I suggest that you have a SERIOUS talk one that has to get through her head. Here's the two things I go by ';IF YOUR PARTNER DOESN'T RESPECT YOU THEY DON'T TRUST YOU'; %26amp; ';NO TRUST NO LOVE'; Suffocating your partner doesn't make you closer it only pushes one away. She needs to understand that you love her very much and your commited all the way and your not going anywhere. Just talk to her, no yelling or arguing. Its best to talk in a calm enviroment.
You cant live the rest of your life this way because you will end up regretting marring her. Have you ever cheated on her, does she have a reason to feel so scared for you to be somewhere besides with her. if you have then you will need to work though what happened then and how y'all will get past it. If this is just her insecurities then you are going to have to let her know that you cant live this way and you don't want to stay married to someone that cant trust you. Maybe offer to go with her for some therapy if you want this to work. But you have to have your own space or the marriage with be a regret.
Have you lied to her in the past, where she doesn't trust you? If not maybe she needs counseling.
Pregnant women are very insecure and you need to be sensitive to that. She feels unattractive and you looking at some girl's hairstyles is not only really bizarre by the way, but insensitive. She wants you to be looking at her not some random girl. Instead of surfing around on Answers why don't you try making popcorn and watching a movie with your wife, one that she wants to watch. Give her a massage and tell her how nice her skin looks when she's pregnant. Put in real effort if you want real results. She's stuck carrying your child around and you want to go off to the gym and hang out with friends without her. I feel bad for her. When you get married you cannot maintain the same life as when you were single, it's impossible. Marriage is about sacrificing what ';I'; want for what ';We'; want. Unselfish love.
Did something happen in her past to make her act this way? You might want to talk to her about it or take her to a counselor? If she doesn't figure out her own issues, this will keep on happening.
I sympathize with you and I admire your patience for wanting to make your marriage work. I think your wife may have insecurity and control issues. Partners must allow each other to thrive in a relationship instead of suffocating the other just to satisfy oneself. Just like a bird when you hold it too tight in your hand, it will die. You said you will do what it takes to save your marriage. As her husband, you have to find out the root cause of her insecurity and help her get over it. This way you are showing your wife that you are willing to provide her the love, stability and security that she needs especially now that you are about to have a child together. Let her know know that the success of your marriage is very important to you and you depend on her to do her part to make this happen. A wife wants to hear how much her husband needs and loves her. She also wants to make sure that her husband belongs only to her.
It's not going to be easy but you can begin by compromising. Compromising leads to union and understanding and it causes your partner to react in the same way. It is based on mutual concessions where each lives inside the other and fulfills the other. A marriage gets ruined because it is not based on this elementary rule of a relationship.
http://www.kabbalah.info/engkab/life-lov鈥?/a>
If you feel you have no freedom now, you are in for a rough ride once the baby comes. You say you have only two friends? Two friends is not a bad number. Possibly your lifestyle has to change because you are now part of a family.
That being said, having to fight with her to go workout or spend a couple hours with a friend is not normal. But, not knowing your history, nobody can reasonably comment on it. Have you ever done anything to cause her to mistrust you? (looking at pics of a girl to simply decide on a hairstyle is not exactly being honest is it?) Do you act loving and affectionate to her and take her out and treat her like a woman sometimes?
All relationships are give and take. If she is excessively jealous due to no cause of yours, simply tell her to get counseling for it or the fights will escalate.
Keep in mind that she is pregnant and hormones are acting up....also she may not be feeling very beautiful at the moment.
i'm very sorry. i do understand this. bottomline, nothing you say or do can give her peace of mind. she has to do it herself. it is all an inside job, but in the meantime, she is maybe chancing losing a really wonderful man in her life. nobody likes to be kept on a chain, especially if you did nothing to deserve this jealousy. it really isn't ok to make someone feel caged, and when you can't spend time alone, that is just downright wrong.
i think you will just have to get your belly full. she won't change unless she knows how big of a problem it really is.
My husband was insecure too. He still is to a point but not as bad as he use to be. It was OK for him to go and come but if I wasn't at home when he got home he would be calling my cell. Asking me where I was and when would I be home. If I was at Wal-Mart when he called me he'd be like what are you doing there? It does get old. One day I just got so tired of it that I just started to do what I wanted and when I wanted. If he got mad too bad. I work overnight on the weekends and when I got home the next morning he was never there. I'm talking 7:30am. I started calling him asking him the same questions he would ask me and he started to get annoyed by it. I told him well that's what you do to me. Even our daughter would get so mad that he'd called like that because alot of the time she was with me. Made no sense. I say tell her up front that when your ready to go to your friends you'll tell her where your going but you won't ask. Your a grown man and if she's insecure then tell her that that's a problem she needs to work out herself. And when she ready to do that then you will be glad to help. But your not going to keep trying to please her when she's making you unhappy. All you want are some friends. All she wants is you attached to her hip.
Im sorry just show her don't hide nothing and eventually she will realize you only love her
tell her this:
honey why are you worried???
if i want to have sex ';cheating'; with another woman,i will because i CAN do it.BUT i WON'T because i DON'T WANT TO.
why would any one cheat ??? because they are UNHAPPY with their wives .
so make me happy by TRUSTING ME.
good luck brother
well you need to sit her down and talk to her and explain to her that you are TIRED and that you don't want the baby that is on the way to be around a negative environment, that you don't want to raise a child that is gonna be around a mommy and daddy who are fighting over insecurities that your wife has over things that aren't happening.
She needs to give you a break and if she doesn't...well all you can do is be a good dad and follow your heart
good luck
It's a tough one. I was very insecure about my husband, we've been married for 5 years, no kids yet. I use to get jealous a lot, we used to fight a lot, then we would come to an agreement that sometimes he would really flirt with waitresses, or bank teller, or in the mall. And sometimes I over reacted because I knew he was going to do that. But now as we are getting older and mature things are getting better. Hang in there, try not to give each other ultimatums, that will just make things worse.
Your wife needs to trust you and she has no right to snoop or to change your e-mail passwords or to read your e-mail. If she doesn't trust you, she shouldn't be married to you. Show her this.
But really, it all boils down to fear and insecurity on her part. She's afraid of losing you, she doesn't trust herself to ';be enough'; to ';keep you'; and she's trying to prevent you leaving by snooping in all your stuff to find problems before they occur, if that makes any sense.
So, you can help by reassuring her (say ';I love you Babe, I will never leave you';) but also by setting firm boundaries, like you seem to be trying to do. Tell her, ';it is NOT okay for you to snoop in my e-mail, or to change my passwords';.
Until she recognizes what it is she fears, and learns to overcome that fear (and I think it's the fear of losing you) she will not change. Make her understand that nothing in this life is a ';given'; and that her actions will drive you away and make her fear come to pass. You wouldn't have left of your own accord, but if she doesn't quit acting crazy you WILL leave and it will be because of her actions.
I hope this helps. Make her read this.I love my wife...need advice?
She needs HELP. This is not normal behavior, she sounds very controlling and insecure. Have you cheated? did she have bad past relationships?
You know having a baby will make things worse, her hormones are out of whack. You should have waited till you sorted out your problems.
what have you done in the past to make her distrust you? it was something... ive been through it
You sound like a great guy. And i can tell you i honestly used to do the same things she does ....when i was sixteen. You just really need to put your foot down, nicely though. Dont just tell her that shes beautiful, come up with different ways to say it, or different things about her that you find beautiful. Maybe even leave for a day or two, and when you come back tell her that if she has the insecurity issues then you just cant stay. She has to see that there is more to life, and that if you were going anywhere then you would already be gone. Also just be COMPLEATLY open with her, let her read your stuff, look through your stuff even though you shouldnt have to let her do that, it just shows that you have nothing to hide. Tell her your going out, tell her exactly where you will be and maybe call her when you get there or when you leave, i know it sounds like alot for you to do but if you plan on staying with her and dont want to be miserable your going to have to do those things. but SHE NEEDS TO GROW UP! im sure shes beautiful, but she needs to realize that theres more to life, and maybe find a hobby or hang out with friends so she gets off your back
Your wife has emotional and trust issues. I suggest you talk with her obgyn Dr about the way she is acting. It is not normal and could be a danger to your baby. Her mental health is a big concern to me as well. She does not own you and you are not her slave. Her attempt to have you by her side 24/7 is unhealthy for both of you. If I were you I sure would be more careful and not be looking at any girl on your computer. That will for sure just add to her insecurities. I hope you talk openly with her Dr, with her in the room and let him know you may leave the marriage because of the bizarre behavior from your wife. Dr's have an amazing network of people who can help if your wife is willing to do so. I feel bad for you and hope you can save your marriage so your little boy can have a good home with both parents.
Wow. thats kind of a hard situation to be in.
Well normally i would tell people to use communication but it seems like you are a good husband and have already spoken to her.
Some women unfortunately are very jealous and controlling and thats kind of scary if you ask me because its kind of like in spanish soap opera/telenovelas ';if your not for me you will not be for anyone.';
All i can recommend is that you try again. until she gets it..
Sit with her and say i love you seriously i do and im a big enough man to never ever do something to hurt you..like cheating..I love you and im so glad that i get to raise a child with you.. But i hate this whole thing. this whole jealousy thing is just making me not want to be in this. This just makes me angry and pushes away the love that i have for you. If you love me you gotta trust that i will never hurt you. I love you and our child and i would never let anyone get in the way of it. The only person that will get in the way is you if you keep nagging me about things i would NEVER do. Please understand and try your hardest to not be jealous all the time.
I guess if that doesnt work.. Sorry but you should have chose better . I dont mean to be a ***** but you kind of knew what you were getting into. im sure she has been the jealous type the whole time you have been dating and married to her.. jealous people are just jealous all their life or most of it.
thats why its really crucial that you really take the time to get to know a person and pick up on RED FLAGS when you are dating.. so you do not bring a child into a not so good mommy and daddy relationship.. If talking does not work..i doubt anything will..since you said youve tried the counseling..thats just how she is.. sorry. hope it all works out and congrats on the baby
Mk I totally understand where your coming from. I can see that you want to be a good father and husband so I suggest that you have a SERIOUS talk one that has to get through her head. Here's the two things I go by ';IF YOUR PARTNER DOESN'T RESPECT YOU THEY DON'T TRUST YOU'; %26amp; ';NO TRUST NO LOVE'; Suffocating your partner doesn't make you closer it only pushes one away. She needs to understand that you love her very much and your commited all the way and your not going anywhere. Just talk to her, no yelling or arguing. Its best to talk in a calm enviroment.
You cant live the rest of your life this way because you will end up regretting marring her. Have you ever cheated on her, does she have a reason to feel so scared for you to be somewhere besides with her. if you have then you will need to work though what happened then and how y'all will get past it. If this is just her insecurities then you are going to have to let her know that you cant live this way and you don't want to stay married to someone that cant trust you. Maybe offer to go with her for some therapy if you want this to work. But you have to have your own space or the marriage with be a regret.
Have you lied to her in the past, where she doesn't trust you? If not maybe she needs counseling.
Pregnant women are very insecure and you need to be sensitive to that. She feels unattractive and you looking at some girl's hairstyles is not only really bizarre by the way, but insensitive. She wants you to be looking at her not some random girl. Instead of surfing around on Answers why don't you try making popcorn and watching a movie with your wife, one that she wants to watch. Give her a massage and tell her how nice her skin looks when she's pregnant. Put in real effort if you want real results. She's stuck carrying your child around and you want to go off to the gym and hang out with friends without her. I feel bad for her. When you get married you cannot maintain the same life as when you were single, it's impossible. Marriage is about sacrificing what ';I'; want for what ';We'; want. Unselfish love.
Did something happen in her past to make her act this way? You might want to talk to her about it or take her to a counselor? If she doesn't figure out her own issues, this will keep on happening.
I sympathize with you and I admire your patience for wanting to make your marriage work. I think your wife may have insecurity and control issues. Partners must allow each other to thrive in a relationship instead of suffocating the other just to satisfy oneself. Just like a bird when you hold it too tight in your hand, it will die. You said you will do what it takes to save your marriage. As her husband, you have to find out the root cause of her insecurity and help her get over it. This way you are showing your wife that you are willing to provide her the love, stability and security that she needs especially now that you are about to have a child together. Let her know know that the success of your marriage is very important to you and you depend on her to do her part to make this happen. A wife wants to hear how much her husband needs and loves her. She also wants to make sure that her husband belongs only to her.
It's not going to be easy but you can begin by compromising. Compromising leads to union and understanding and it causes your partner to react in the same way. It is based on mutual concessions where each lives inside the other and fulfills the other. A marriage gets ruined because it is not based on this elementary rule of a relationship.
http://www.kabbalah.info/engkab/life-lov鈥?/a>
If you feel you have no freedom now, you are in for a rough ride once the baby comes. You say you have only two friends? Two friends is not a bad number. Possibly your lifestyle has to change because you are now part of a family.
That being said, having to fight with her to go workout or spend a couple hours with a friend is not normal. But, not knowing your history, nobody can reasonably comment on it. Have you ever done anything to cause her to mistrust you? (looking at pics of a girl to simply decide on a hairstyle is not exactly being honest is it?) Do you act loving and affectionate to her and take her out and treat her like a woman sometimes?
All relationships are give and take. If she is excessively jealous due to no cause of yours, simply tell her to get counseling for it or the fights will escalate.
Keep in mind that she is pregnant and hormones are acting up....also she may not be feeling very beautiful at the moment.
i'm very sorry. i do understand this. bottomline, nothing you say or do can give her peace of mind. she has to do it herself. it is all an inside job, but in the meantime, she is maybe chancing losing a really wonderful man in her life. nobody likes to be kept on a chain, especially if you did nothing to deserve this jealousy. it really isn't ok to make someone feel caged, and when you can't spend time alone, that is just downright wrong.
i think you will just have to get your belly full. she won't change unless she knows how big of a problem it really is.
My husband was insecure too. He still is to a point but not as bad as he use to be. It was OK for him to go and come but if I wasn't at home when he got home he would be calling my cell. Asking me where I was and when would I be home. If I was at Wal-Mart when he called me he'd be like what are you doing there? It does get old. One day I just got so tired of it that I just started to do what I wanted and when I wanted. If he got mad too bad. I work overnight on the weekends and when I got home the next morning he was never there. I'm talking 7:30am. I started calling him asking him the same questions he would ask me and he started to get annoyed by it. I told him well that's what you do to me. Even our daughter would get so mad that he'd called like that because alot of the time she was with me. Made no sense. I say tell her up front that when your ready to go to your friends you'll tell her where your going but you won't ask. Your a grown man and if she's insecure then tell her that that's a problem she needs to work out herself. And when she ready to do that then you will be glad to help. But your not going to keep trying to please her when she's making you unhappy. All you want are some friends. All she wants is you attached to her hip.
Im sorry just show her don't hide nothing and eventually she will realize you only love her
tell her this:
honey why are you worried???
if i want to have sex ';cheating'; with another woman,i will because i CAN do it.BUT i WON'T because i DON'T WANT TO.
why would any one cheat ??? because they are UNHAPPY with their wives .
so make me happy by TRUSTING ME.
good luck brother
well you need to sit her down and talk to her and explain to her that you are TIRED and that you don't want the baby that is on the way to be around a negative environment, that you don't want to raise a child that is gonna be around a mommy and daddy who are fighting over insecurities that your wife has over things that aren't happening.
She needs to give you a break and if she doesn't...well all you can do is be a good dad and follow your heart
good luck
It's a tough one. I was very insecure about my husband, we've been married for 5 years, no kids yet. I use to get jealous a lot, we used to fight a lot, then we would come to an agreement that sometimes he would really flirt with waitresses, or bank teller, or in the mall. And sometimes I over reacted because I knew he was going to do that. But now as we are getting older and mature things are getting better. Hang in there, try not to give each other ultimatums, that will just make things worse.
Newly married navy wife... seeking advice?
My husband and I have been married for not quite a year.. and in this past year, we have moved, had to make friends , had to re-do our schedules, and had to become comfortable with our married life and choices we have made FIVE TIMES... I'm really trying to emphasize the five times..
so here's my question.. I always hear that the first year of marriage is always the hardest.. and especially for military spouses who's husbands and wives are gone majority of the time.. but we seem to be doing quite well. Only problem is that I can tell that all this stress from th past year has been taking a toll on my husband, he doesn't sleep well, we argue about things that don't even have anything to do with me and him (mostly bout his work) and the personal life is staring to drag.. any suggestions on how I can make him feel more comortable, less stressed and/or happier with the way things are turning out for us? I want him to be as happy as I am..Newly married navy wife... seeking advice?
Yea, more info needed...
5 times what?
What is his Rate?
What is his sea shore rotation?
What specifically does he get upset about?
What part of the country is his home port in, ie east coast, west coast, gulf coast, land locked NAS somewhere, D.C. Indianhead etc...?Newly married navy wife... seeking advice?
Suprise him bake him a cake and write sweet things on top of it, make his fav! also, dress in some s*xy outfits that will make his jaw drop. show him how much you appericate him even when everyone else doesnt! he will be so happy to have you as his wife!
Make time to do things together. Walk or run, bicycle together. Be sure to plan things for the weekends so you have something to look forward to.
Keep him sexually satisfied and you will not have to worry about his happiness.
Five times of what?
I don't see what you are trying to get at. Sorry
No matter what, take time out for yourselves. (Lunch, dinner, sexy time, ect.) The more you argue the further apart you will be. I am a military wife as well and knows how hard it is, especially if he is unhappy with his career field. The smallest things you do will make a world if difference for him. I make it a point to pack his lunches daily. For you, get involved with the family support group (or what ever the navy calls it). They have tons of information on what is going on at work and could give you a little insight of how his days are going. About the sex, your husband could be like mine. When the animals are waking up from hibernation, so is his sex drive. He may have a season where he is real interested in sex, and some season where he wants very little.
I was a military brat and wife, pretty much a product of moving my whole life. I can give you two different perspectives of this, from a child's stand point and as a wife but I want to focus on the wife perspective because of your question. When you are a military wife, it tends to be more work and stressful than a typical marriage. There has to be almost a double dosage of everything, from love to patience. When you chose to marry your husband, you also chose his career and by doing this, his pressures and stress is yours as well. Communication is the key and understanding. I know at times you probably want to give up and flip out but those moments are the moments where he needs you the most. Sometimes he may just need a hug like yourself. Simple things can make them happy, because their jobs are so strenuous and they take orders all day by people who pretty much treat them like crap, they want to feel some self worth, so their insecurities may come out at home due to this. Just remind him what a great job he is doing and encourage him in every good thing that he is doing for you and your family. Marriage works both ways and I've learned that when you do your part in love that it will eventually come back to you so much more. You may not see the benefits now but great things come to those who wait and I believe the love that you are investing in not only your husband but a solider who is sacrificing his life for others is a true servant. Hang in there and whether it's a hot meal on the table or a foot massage, it will be well worth it because you will be a true queen to him and when he realizes that you were there for him in his time of need, that will be an amazing reward for you.
Is your husband new in the navy as well as a marriage? It does not sound like he has been in the Navy long, since he has not adjusted to the way of life in the military..
Most learn to deal with the stress and you must be flexible and ready to move at a moments notice.. Changing duty stations quite frequently and the many changes that take place for everyone...
What I have tried with my soldier who is now deployed is this, when he comes home from the base I do not speak to him for a least an hour, this gives him time to unwind and do whatever it is he wants to do for an hour..
After wards I pamper him as much as I can, and am there for him should he want to talk which he normally does and you will realize that they really do appreciate that hour for themself before needing to deal with any issues at home..
Reassure him that you support and love him and will always be there for him when he is ready to talk to you..
NEVER REPEAT anything that your husband talks to you about......
I have offered my husband advise to deal with the stressful days and it seems to work for him, as I am certain that you will do the same and your husband will know just by your being there for him after he is giving the time alone each day that he can rely upon you and will put his total trust in you....
Do not be a clingy wife, assure him that you are more than capable of handling things should he receive order to ship out, the last thing he needs to be worried about is a wife who is not capable of handling things on the home front while he is away.....
Welcome to the military wifes club, I know you will be great and be a wonderful military wife.....
Thank your husband for his service to our country and thanks to you for the support you show to your husband...
Best of Luck
I don't think you can ';make'; him happy. He'll have to find happiness in his own way.
You can help him to find happiness, by emphasizing the good times that you have had together, by talking about how great the future will be together, by making plans for the future and sharing dreams for the future.
Don't make too many demands on him. Give him space. Let him know you love him. Do nice things for him when you can. Give him passion.
When he argues with you, remind him that you realize that he's under stress and don't engage in the arguing. Redirect the conversation to something more neutral.
Try to have as much fun together as you can and don't sweat any small stuff...it's not worth it.
The first year of marriage can be an adjustment period, it's true. Mine certainly was. Now we've been married for 13 years, but at first...it was rough!
Hang in there!
I am married to a Army man, and they treat him like he is in prison. My husband is the same way, but worse..he comes home...and sleeps! I just leave him alone. When you try t6o talk to him he will just get madder...Maybe..i dont know him. But I would just bite your tongue and let him be upset, there is nothing you can do, he is in the military he cant just quit. Just support no matter what.....and work at your marriage. Nobody does that anymore. I stayed with my husband through all the times he just came home and fell asleep. It sucked for me, I was alone all the time. But I am still married...and I plan to be for many more years
so here's my question.. I always hear that the first year of marriage is always the hardest.. and especially for military spouses who's husbands and wives are gone majority of the time.. but we seem to be doing quite well. Only problem is that I can tell that all this stress from th past year has been taking a toll on my husband, he doesn't sleep well, we argue about things that don't even have anything to do with me and him (mostly bout his work) and the personal life is staring to drag.. any suggestions on how I can make him feel more comortable, less stressed and/or happier with the way things are turning out for us? I want him to be as happy as I am..Newly married navy wife... seeking advice?
Yea, more info needed...
5 times what?
What is his Rate?
What is his sea shore rotation?
What specifically does he get upset about?
What part of the country is his home port in, ie east coast, west coast, gulf coast, land locked NAS somewhere, D.C. Indianhead etc...?Newly married navy wife... seeking advice?
Suprise him bake him a cake and write sweet things on top of it, make his fav! also, dress in some s*xy outfits that will make his jaw drop. show him how much you appericate him even when everyone else doesnt! he will be so happy to have you as his wife!
Make time to do things together. Walk or run, bicycle together. Be sure to plan things for the weekends so you have something to look forward to.
Keep him sexually satisfied and you will not have to worry about his happiness.
Five times of what?
I don't see what you are trying to get at. Sorry
No matter what, take time out for yourselves. (Lunch, dinner, sexy time, ect.) The more you argue the further apart you will be. I am a military wife as well and knows how hard it is, especially if he is unhappy with his career field. The smallest things you do will make a world if difference for him. I make it a point to pack his lunches daily. For you, get involved with the family support group (or what ever the navy calls it). They have tons of information on what is going on at work and could give you a little insight of how his days are going. About the sex, your husband could be like mine. When the animals are waking up from hibernation, so is his sex drive. He may have a season where he is real interested in sex, and some season where he wants very little.
I was a military brat and wife, pretty much a product of moving my whole life. I can give you two different perspectives of this, from a child's stand point and as a wife but I want to focus on the wife perspective because of your question. When you are a military wife, it tends to be more work and stressful than a typical marriage. There has to be almost a double dosage of everything, from love to patience. When you chose to marry your husband, you also chose his career and by doing this, his pressures and stress is yours as well. Communication is the key and understanding. I know at times you probably want to give up and flip out but those moments are the moments where he needs you the most. Sometimes he may just need a hug like yourself. Simple things can make them happy, because their jobs are so strenuous and they take orders all day by people who pretty much treat them like crap, they want to feel some self worth, so their insecurities may come out at home due to this. Just remind him what a great job he is doing and encourage him in every good thing that he is doing for you and your family. Marriage works both ways and I've learned that when you do your part in love that it will eventually come back to you so much more. You may not see the benefits now but great things come to those who wait and I believe the love that you are investing in not only your husband but a solider who is sacrificing his life for others is a true servant. Hang in there and whether it's a hot meal on the table or a foot massage, it will be well worth it because you will be a true queen to him and when he realizes that you were there for him in his time of need, that will be an amazing reward for you.
Is your husband new in the navy as well as a marriage? It does not sound like he has been in the Navy long, since he has not adjusted to the way of life in the military..
Most learn to deal with the stress and you must be flexible and ready to move at a moments notice.. Changing duty stations quite frequently and the many changes that take place for everyone...
What I have tried with my soldier who is now deployed is this, when he comes home from the base I do not speak to him for a least an hour, this gives him time to unwind and do whatever it is he wants to do for an hour..
After wards I pamper him as much as I can, and am there for him should he want to talk which he normally does and you will realize that they really do appreciate that hour for themself before needing to deal with any issues at home..
Reassure him that you support and love him and will always be there for him when he is ready to talk to you..
NEVER REPEAT anything that your husband talks to you about......
I have offered my husband advise to deal with the stressful days and it seems to work for him, as I am certain that you will do the same and your husband will know just by your being there for him after he is giving the time alone each day that he can rely upon you and will put his total trust in you....
Do not be a clingy wife, assure him that you are more than capable of handling things should he receive order to ship out, the last thing he needs to be worried about is a wife who is not capable of handling things on the home front while he is away.....
Welcome to the military wifes club, I know you will be great and be a wonderful military wife.....
Thank your husband for his service to our country and thanks to you for the support you show to your husband...
Best of Luck
I don't think you can ';make'; him happy. He'll have to find happiness in his own way.
You can help him to find happiness, by emphasizing the good times that you have had together, by talking about how great the future will be together, by making plans for the future and sharing dreams for the future.
Don't make too many demands on him. Give him space. Let him know you love him. Do nice things for him when you can. Give him passion.
When he argues with you, remind him that you realize that he's under stress and don't engage in the arguing. Redirect the conversation to something more neutral.
Try to have as much fun together as you can and don't sweat any small stuff...it's not worth it.
The first year of marriage can be an adjustment period, it's true. Mine certainly was. Now we've been married for 13 years, but at first...it was rough!
Hang in there!
I am married to a Army man, and they treat him like he is in prison. My husband is the same way, but worse..he comes home...and sleeps! I just leave him alone. When you try t6o talk to him he will just get madder...Maybe..i dont know him. But I would just bite your tongue and let him be upset, there is nothing you can do, he is in the military he cant just quit. Just support no matter what.....and work at your marriage. Nobody does that anymore. I stayed with my husband through all the times he just came home and fell asleep. It sucked for me, I was alone all the time. But I am still married...and I plan to be for many more years
My stubborn pregnant wife, little advice please?
Well, my wife insists that we go to the docs for her delivery. But, I'm saying she should have a 100% natural birth. . Because my dog, had her pups naturally with no help. So, why can't we do the same with her? Because it's natural...
Not to worry, my wife is at perfect physical condition and breeding age. But to bad she is still being stubborn about it. Any advice on how I can convince her, that she needs to do a 100% natural delivery with no help from no one?My stubborn pregnant wife, little advice please?
Just because she is healthy physically, there is no guarantee nothing will go wrong. What happens if the cord is wrapped around the baby's neck, or the labour goes for too long and she's too exhausted to push or the baby comes out facing the wrong way? Do you know how to be a midwife? Will you have the house completely clean so that there is no risk of infection? Do you know how to remove the placenta properly to guard against severe internal bleeding and death? Exactly what qualifications do you have that make you such an expert on what a woman ';needs'; during childbirth?
What a woman needs is a safe, clean, healthy environment full of professionals who are qualified and trained to do the absolute utmost to make sure mother and baby are healthy and happy.
It sounds like you provide none of those things. In fact I would say that you need to back off with what YOU (yes, it's blatantly obvious you aren't thinking of her) need and listen to the mother of your unborn child when it comes to what SHE needs and wants during childbirth. This is not about you. It's about the baby. Deal with it and stop being so selfishly dumb.
P.S. I have heard of nature. I have already outlined all the things that can NATURALLY go wrong. Doctors don't cause any of them. I also have a healthy respect for when things go wrong. It is your job as a parent to ensure your child's life is not in any danger. Natural selection can cause unforeseeable events to hinder the efforts of ANY childbirth which can end in permanent disability and death.
You asked for advice - we've all given it. Don't come back at us with unintelligent insults because we're telling you what you don't want to hear. You need to get over yourself and respect your wife's wishes, you chauvinistic troglodyte.My stubborn pregnant wife, little advice please?
Okay, go walk over to your front door and slam your balls in it -- hopefully you will do permanent damage because you should not be breeding. Also, take your dog down to the pound and give it up, because you really shouldn't be ';caring'; for anything.
I can't believe you compared your pregnant wife to your dog. Sick. Seriously, how did you get married??? Also, you mentioned she was ';breeding age';. WTF? Did you marry a dog? No wait, your dog is better than your wife in your opinion because she birthed her pups 100% on her own.
Allow me to spell this out for you please. Child birth hurts. A lot. So many things can go wrong, and God forbid something does, are you willing to sacrifice the well being of your wife or baby simply because your DOG had puppies on her own? Even in the middle ages they had mid-wives to assist with the delivery. Humans aren't dogs, we need help having our babies. Your wife isn't being stubborn, she's being smart. At least the baby will have one responsible parent.
Sorry to say but for the best for your baby she needs a professional there to help her. If something goes wrong neither of you will know what to do. People are not dogs. Think about how big a puppy is compared to a newborn baby...very different. And im sorry to say but your not the one giving birth, she is. She is not being stubborn just because she wants to have her baby delivered by professionals and know if something goes wrong she is surrounded by people who know what to do. Untill the day you have to give birth id leave it up to her.
Your wife should be somewhere where she is comfortable during labor. Some women choose to be at home, that is ultimately her decision. Do you think you would be of any help if something went terribly wrong? On average and ambulance wouldn't get their for at the least 5min, but more like 10. Would you be able to handle an emergency situation. Although terrible, these are things to think about. She is the one delivering the child, it is her body, let her do it where she is most comfortable. With her hormones raging, I would not be pestering her, not a good idea!
okay its nothin wrong with you wanting her to go natural, but she can do so at the hospital or have someone come to your home while she delivers. anything could go wrong during birth. Ihad all 4 of my children natural but with two of my babies the ambiblical cord went around their neck and heart rate started falling. not to scare you but if they didnt shift me the right way and the heart rate didnt go back up i would have been rushed to c section. You cant judge if something wrong is happening while she is in labor and neither can she.You dont want dead baby coming out of her. yall would loose your heads. SO THINK TWICE PLEASE.
WTF!? Are you serious? Did you time travel here from the 1800's?
There are so many things that could possibly go wrong during delivery, why would you not want it supervised by medical professionals in a safe medical environment? Because your dog did it, it's good enough for your wife? Wow!
I'm sorry, but you're a selfish douchebag.
Did you know she was so willful before you married her? Some women are good at that sort of deception.
I think you should get a vet to talk to her. Then maybe a historian -- after all, our foremothers did fine without all the rigmarole of doctors and hospitals.
If she still won't listen, threaten divorce. That's something a pregnant women won't want to face, so it may force her to listen to reason.
Best of luck to you.
at home is fine if u have the people there to help if something goes wrong. try to tell her that she can give it her all at the hospital, and if she can't take the pain that god gave us the ability to, then she can get an epidermal. after all, he chose women to give birth.
First of all your wife is not a dog. Second of all, if you want her to go all natural get on the bandwagon yourself maybe get creative with a watermelon. If it doesn't hurt you then you can tell her to go all natural.
I would suggest to her she get a husband that actually loves her.makeup care
Not to worry, my wife is at perfect physical condition and breeding age. But to bad she is still being stubborn about it. Any advice on how I can convince her, that she needs to do a 100% natural delivery with no help from no one?My stubborn pregnant wife, little advice please?
Just because she is healthy physically, there is no guarantee nothing will go wrong. What happens if the cord is wrapped around the baby's neck, or the labour goes for too long and she's too exhausted to push or the baby comes out facing the wrong way? Do you know how to be a midwife? Will you have the house completely clean so that there is no risk of infection? Do you know how to remove the placenta properly to guard against severe internal bleeding and death? Exactly what qualifications do you have that make you such an expert on what a woman ';needs'; during childbirth?
What a woman needs is a safe, clean, healthy environment full of professionals who are qualified and trained to do the absolute utmost to make sure mother and baby are healthy and happy.
It sounds like you provide none of those things. In fact I would say that you need to back off with what YOU (yes, it's blatantly obvious you aren't thinking of her) need and listen to the mother of your unborn child when it comes to what SHE needs and wants during childbirth. This is not about you. It's about the baby. Deal with it and stop being so selfishly dumb.
P.S. I have heard of nature. I have already outlined all the things that can NATURALLY go wrong. Doctors don't cause any of them. I also have a healthy respect for when things go wrong. It is your job as a parent to ensure your child's life is not in any danger. Natural selection can cause unforeseeable events to hinder the efforts of ANY childbirth which can end in permanent disability and death.
You asked for advice - we've all given it. Don't come back at us with unintelligent insults because we're telling you what you don't want to hear. You need to get over yourself and respect your wife's wishes, you chauvinistic troglodyte.My stubborn pregnant wife, little advice please?
Okay, go walk over to your front door and slam your balls in it -- hopefully you will do permanent damage because you should not be breeding. Also, take your dog down to the pound and give it up, because you really shouldn't be ';caring'; for anything.
I can't believe you compared your pregnant wife to your dog. Sick. Seriously, how did you get married??? Also, you mentioned she was ';breeding age';. WTF? Did you marry a dog? No wait, your dog is better than your wife in your opinion because she birthed her pups 100% on her own.
Allow me to spell this out for you please. Child birth hurts. A lot. So many things can go wrong, and God forbid something does, are you willing to sacrifice the well being of your wife or baby simply because your DOG had puppies on her own? Even in the middle ages they had mid-wives to assist with the delivery. Humans aren't dogs, we need help having our babies. Your wife isn't being stubborn, she's being smart. At least the baby will have one responsible parent.
Sorry to say but for the best for your baby she needs a professional there to help her. If something goes wrong neither of you will know what to do. People are not dogs. Think about how big a puppy is compared to a newborn baby...very different. And im sorry to say but your not the one giving birth, she is. She is not being stubborn just because she wants to have her baby delivered by professionals and know if something goes wrong she is surrounded by people who know what to do. Untill the day you have to give birth id leave it up to her.
Your wife should be somewhere where she is comfortable during labor. Some women choose to be at home, that is ultimately her decision. Do you think you would be of any help if something went terribly wrong? On average and ambulance wouldn't get their for at the least 5min, but more like 10. Would you be able to handle an emergency situation. Although terrible, these are things to think about. She is the one delivering the child, it is her body, let her do it where she is most comfortable. With her hormones raging, I would not be pestering her, not a good idea!
okay its nothin wrong with you wanting her to go natural, but she can do so at the hospital or have someone come to your home while she delivers. anything could go wrong during birth. Ihad all 4 of my children natural but with two of my babies the ambiblical cord went around their neck and heart rate started falling. not to scare you but if they didnt shift me the right way and the heart rate didnt go back up i would have been rushed to c section. You cant judge if something wrong is happening while she is in labor and neither can she.You dont want dead baby coming out of her. yall would loose your heads. SO THINK TWICE PLEASE.
WTF!? Are you serious? Did you time travel here from the 1800's?
There are so many things that could possibly go wrong during delivery, why would you not want it supervised by medical professionals in a safe medical environment? Because your dog did it, it's good enough for your wife? Wow!
I'm sorry, but you're a selfish douchebag.
Did you know she was so willful before you married her? Some women are good at that sort of deception.
I think you should get a vet to talk to her. Then maybe a historian -- after all, our foremothers did fine without all the rigmarole of doctors and hospitals.
If she still won't listen, threaten divorce. That's something a pregnant women won't want to face, so it may force her to listen to reason.
Best of luck to you.
at home is fine if u have the people there to help if something goes wrong. try to tell her that she can give it her all at the hospital, and if she can't take the pain that god gave us the ability to, then she can get an epidermal. after all, he chose women to give birth.
First of all your wife is not a dog. Second of all, if you want her to go all natural get on the bandwagon yourself maybe get creative with a watermelon. If it doesn't hurt you then you can tell her to go all natural.
I would suggest to her she get a husband that actually loves her.
Any advice for husbands whose wife's have post natal depression?
Post-natal depression (PPD) is as unwanted to a woman as are stretch marks, yet more and more women are faced with this challenge after the birth of their baby. It is very important that the woman get professional help to deal with her feelings.. The best thing a husband can do is be there for his wife.. Be there physically by helping around the house, helping take care of the baby to give her a little alone time, spend some time with her to renew and reinforce the love that you have for her. Be there emotionally, watch for signs she's having a bad day and talk to her about what's bothering her and what she feels you can do to make the situation better. Alot of times the woman feels out of control and somehow lost by all the newness of being a mom and having the responsibility of taking care of a new life.. It can be a short or long lived depression (let's hope it's short) but the most important thing is to stay supportive and stay involved.. Best luck to you...Any advice for husbands whose wife's have post natal depression?
i agree with ladyscott. give her all the love you can. this is the best thing you can do. and also attend to the babys needs and be expressive in your love for her. may be if possible offer to take leave from your office for few days or a week or so.Any advice for husbands whose wife's have post natal depression?
be patient and be careful! Get a doctor to check it out, in some cases the baby may be in danger
Give her love, support and understanding. Tell her all she has to worry about is taking care of herself and the baby, the housework can wait. Take her to the doctor. She may need medication and although she may not want to take it if she is breastfeeding, her safety and the safety of your child are so important. If she is worried about it passing to your baby through the milk, use formula. I had depression during my pregnancy, and although I was afraid of harming my baby, my doctor assured me that the sad and negative thoughts I was having could also have bad effects on the baby and the chances of the meds harming the baby were small, so the pros outweighed the cons. They also gave me a low dose that worked very well for my needs. This is probably temporary, mine was, and my baby is healthy as can be. Support her and love her and all will turn out. Take her to the doctor, they need to know what is going on so they can help. Sorry if I rambled.
Move to a cave in the Himalayan mountains for a while.
.
Yes! Don't make any sudden moves. Don't pack anything, just get the hell outta there while there's still time. Run brother, run!
Yes, get competent professional counselling and do not rely on the ignorant guessing of Y!A.
Give her all the love you can give. Be understanding. Help out with the home and baby. And very importantly, make sure she gets the medical help she needs. She may need counseling or medication to help with PPD. It can be a very serious condition.
some wives could have post natal depression, most have none or may have slight problem accepting the new responsibilities...the couple can seek professional counselling, but i think what the husband can do for his wife suffering PND is give her more attention, lots of patience, be more supportive and i guess be helpful in any way to the wife.
i agree with ladyscott. give her all the love you can. this is the best thing you can do. and also attend to the babys needs and be expressive in your love for her. may be if possible offer to take leave from your office for few days or a week or so.Any advice for husbands whose wife's have post natal depression?
be patient and be careful! Get a doctor to check it out, in some cases the baby may be in danger
Give her love, support and understanding. Tell her all she has to worry about is taking care of herself and the baby, the housework can wait. Take her to the doctor. She may need medication and although she may not want to take it if she is breastfeeding, her safety and the safety of your child are so important. If she is worried about it passing to your baby through the milk, use formula. I had depression during my pregnancy, and although I was afraid of harming my baby, my doctor assured me that the sad and negative thoughts I was having could also have bad effects on the baby and the chances of the meds harming the baby were small, so the pros outweighed the cons. They also gave me a low dose that worked very well for my needs. This is probably temporary, mine was, and my baby is healthy as can be. Support her and love her and all will turn out. Take her to the doctor, they need to know what is going on so they can help. Sorry if I rambled.
Move to a cave in the Himalayan mountains for a while.
.
Yes! Don't make any sudden moves. Don't pack anything, just get the hell outta there while there's still time. Run brother, run!
Yes, get competent professional counselling and do not rely on the ignorant guessing of Y!A.
Give her all the love you can give. Be understanding. Help out with the home and baby. And very importantly, make sure she gets the medical help she needs. She may need counseling or medication to help with PPD. It can be a very serious condition.
some wives could have post natal depression, most have none or may have slight problem accepting the new responsibilities...the couple can seek professional counselling, but i think what the husband can do for his wife suffering PND is give her more attention, lots of patience, be more supportive and i guess be helpful in any way to the wife.
New military wife needs advice on how to deal w/an awkward social situation w/her hubby's coworkers...?
Last night my husband said we were having dinner w/his coworker and his wife. I got all excited thinking she was a civilian like me. Turns out, all three of them are Army and work for the same company.
They talked shop for 40 min. straight. It was nearly impossible to join in because they were saying things like,
';Remember that R-57 we did back in September? Yeah, Lt. Johnson was doing his Jane thing on the way back to HQ and Sgt. Robert is like, ';HEY, why didn't you say good morning to me?';
Then they'd all burst into laughter. I just sat there smiling dumbly.
How should i have handled this? I thought about changing the topic, but honestly, they barely came up or paused for breath.New military wife needs advice on how to deal w/an awkward social situation w/her hubby's coworkers...?
You'll get used to it. When my husband and I first got married I had no idea what anyone said to me for 6 months. It was damn near impossible to find anything on post because everyone spoke in acronyms.
One night my husband asked if we could have his Sergeant and wife over for dinner so I cooked a meal etc and they came over and same thing, they'd been married for 6-7 years so for my husband, his Sergeant and wife the conversation was normal to talk shop about military life. For me I felt very left out.
Later, after they had left I explained to my husband that I didn't know what was going on with the conversations and he told me he didn't realize and apologized.
He bought me a copy of ';Married to the Military,'; which was immensely useful for learning rank structure, acronyms, what to expect up on post, how to manage with TriCare etc.
You could try talking to your husband by explaining to him how you felt about the dinner. It could be he doesn't realize what has happened. Good luck to you and Hooah!New military wife needs advice on how to deal w/an awkward social situation w/her hubby's coworkers...?
I just wouldn't go hang out again. You won't be able to change the conversation topic when they are talking shop. Most families are not dual military so next time will probably not be the same. It is always nice when the girls can talk and then the guys talk about work. So next time just ask your husband about the wife before hand.
I have so been there.
If I have this right, you felt left out because they were talking about events they were involved in and you weren't?
Interject - say ';OK, I know you all are going to laugh but I have no idea WHAT you are talking about, wanna clue me into the joke?'; and do it nicely and with a smile.
Talk to your husband about his day, go take AFTB classes and learn the army life, have more dinners and eventually the four of you will have jokes.
Frirst, your husband should have noticed you were uncomfortable and should have tried to change the subject. You should definitely sit him down and let him know how you felt. My hubby is the same way. He's an air traffic controller and when he chats about his job with his coworkers to me it sounds like a different language. Suggest doing a double date with somone whose spouse is a civilian. I wish you the best of luck.
Learn the abbrevations.....ask what goes on.....Then again. you can also say......';Well if ya'll are gonna talk shop I am gonna read a book or check email or whatever'; They will get it and they won't be offended.
As a military wife it will be MUCH easier if you grow a thick skin, learn the lingo and BE GLAD HE IS HERE AND NOT IN THE SANDBOX.
I don't have that problem, my DH cannot talk about work outside of the building. Gotta Love National Security postings...
Next time, firmly but politely put a moratorium on 'shop talk'. do not permit it, period. if they can't carry on a conversation not about work, then well, they need to get out more...heheheh
lol, I'm preparing for when I have to deal with that because I new military wife as well. I'd talk to him about it...let it know it makes you feel awkward. I'm sure they weren't TRYING to leave you out.
Max has a good point.
It is nice to all be together, but they have to understand that you are not in the military and save that talk.
Talk to your husband and let him know about this, he may not even realize he does this.
We have a rule when we get together with others socially.... 15 minutes of ';shop talk'; to get it out of their systems and then it's over!! All other talk must be about anything but work and the base.
First, we're out to have a night out and to enjoy ourselves. Second, they're our friends because they're great people, not just because they are in the same squadron or they are military. Third, even they need to get away from work. The friends you can talk to about everything and anything... those are the friends that will last the career.
Next time... be strong. It's your house, set the rules! (And you can laugh about it as you doing it, but then let them know ';hey guys, times up! So, what do you think about..... (whatever is in the news)? What kind of music should we listen to tonight? Did you catch the new movie??
You get the idea! :)
Good luck!
OK....just so you know you are not alone with this. When we invite friends over for BBQ's all the husbands and even the wives or female single soldiers talk shop...you have to start another conversation...just tell them..work is over for the day...lets talk about something else.
Once you have been in for a while you will start understanding everything they are saying....
Just hang in there...all of them do it...you just have to either change the conversation or tune them out. Maybe next time have it at your house and invite some people you know that way you have another spouse there that is not in the military to talk to or to help you start another conversation....
Good Luck with it
One of the things married folks NEED to do is protect the other. Your husband didn't do that. It would have been a good sign had he realized you weren't included and taken action to see that you were. It is further not a good sign that neither of the other couple came to your rescue. In fact, it is basic civility to be aware of these things. Sorry you had to go through that. It is very much to be hoped that your husband will grasp what happened and ';get'; the importance of protecting you.
as time goes on you will catch on and understand what they are talking about...maybe become a little more interested in what exactly your husband does, ask him about things and dont be shy to ask him what something means. you cant possibly join in on a conversation like that so dont feel left out or anything...it was rude of them to do that knowing you were the only one who couldnt relate, but these things happen you just have to bear with it..good luckk
I'm in the military, and a military wife... so yeah... we can relate to each other's job better because we go through the same thing... It's just the way it is. Maybe you can get more acquainted in what your husband does, ask him more about his day. If he has a funny story, ask him. When they're talking about things you don't understand, ask them to explain it to you.
Remember, you only have control over yourself. Take the extra steps to learn more. He's your husband, I'm sure you're very interested!
When I'm around my civillian friends, I make sure to kind of ... not dumb it down... but simplify the acronyms... because they're not knowledgable in that stuff. It's just easier. But since you're a new wife, you'll need to learn that stuff eventually.
Congratualtions on getting married by the way!
There are classes at the Family Support Center that help new spouses adapt to the military life, so maybe seek that out. Good luck!
The first thing you need to realize is... he's in the Army. Therefore, the Army is his life. No matter how hard he tries to have a personal life too... the Army is ALWAYS there. Eventually, he'll get to the point(if they are good friends, or become good friends), that they won't want to talk about work at home. This takes some time, but it will happen.
While I wouldn't suggest to not have dinner with this couple again, maybe he has another coworker with a civilian wife. Whatever you do, let your husband know how you feel, and how you felt that night. Like someone else said, he probably doesn't realize that he's doing it.
Okay, I can imagine how uncomfortable that was!
I grew up in a military house, so being married to the military was no shock for me.
I'm familiar with pretty much everything hubby and the buddies may talk about (terminology wise) but if something comes up that I don't get (like an inside joke or whatever) a gentle kick under the table (or squeezed hand, whatever) works wonders. Talk to him in andvance, tell him that when they talk shop ('put their boots on') it leaves you in the 3rd wheel position. If he wants to include you (as he should) he needs to pause a second and explain things to you. If he doesn't like it or gets tired of doing it, (or even has the basic manners of a wildebeast) he will catch on and switch topics to something you can all discuss. You may choose to not even be that subtle-- interrupt! Put a finger in the air, so they know you have something to say (if they are rambling non-stop) and just ask! ';Hey, new kid here! What does that mean?'; Hang in there, it will all make sense to you with time. But in the same way that you don't know how to be a mil. wife yet, he doesn't know how to be a good mil.husband yet. You both just have to learn as you go... Good luck!
They talked shop for 40 min. straight. It was nearly impossible to join in because they were saying things like,
';Remember that R-57 we did back in September? Yeah, Lt. Johnson was doing his Jane thing on the way back to HQ and Sgt. Robert is like, ';HEY, why didn't you say good morning to me?';
Then they'd all burst into laughter. I just sat there smiling dumbly.
How should i have handled this? I thought about changing the topic, but honestly, they barely came up or paused for breath.New military wife needs advice on how to deal w/an awkward social situation w/her hubby's coworkers...?
You'll get used to it. When my husband and I first got married I had no idea what anyone said to me for 6 months. It was damn near impossible to find anything on post because everyone spoke in acronyms.
One night my husband asked if we could have his Sergeant and wife over for dinner so I cooked a meal etc and they came over and same thing, they'd been married for 6-7 years so for my husband, his Sergeant and wife the conversation was normal to talk shop about military life. For me I felt very left out.
Later, after they had left I explained to my husband that I didn't know what was going on with the conversations and he told me he didn't realize and apologized.
He bought me a copy of ';Married to the Military,'; which was immensely useful for learning rank structure, acronyms, what to expect up on post, how to manage with TriCare etc.
You could try talking to your husband by explaining to him how you felt about the dinner. It could be he doesn't realize what has happened. Good luck to you and Hooah!New military wife needs advice on how to deal w/an awkward social situation w/her hubby's coworkers...?
I just wouldn't go hang out again. You won't be able to change the conversation topic when they are talking shop. Most families are not dual military so next time will probably not be the same. It is always nice when the girls can talk and then the guys talk about work. So next time just ask your husband about the wife before hand.
I have so been there.
If I have this right, you felt left out because they were talking about events they were involved in and you weren't?
Interject - say ';OK, I know you all are going to laugh but I have no idea WHAT you are talking about, wanna clue me into the joke?'; and do it nicely and with a smile.
Talk to your husband about his day, go take AFTB classes and learn the army life, have more dinners and eventually the four of you will have jokes.
Frirst, your husband should have noticed you were uncomfortable and should have tried to change the subject. You should definitely sit him down and let him know how you felt. My hubby is the same way. He's an air traffic controller and when he chats about his job with his coworkers to me it sounds like a different language. Suggest doing a double date with somone whose spouse is a civilian. I wish you the best of luck.
Learn the abbrevations.....ask what goes on.....Then again. you can also say......';Well if ya'll are gonna talk shop I am gonna read a book or check email or whatever'; They will get it and they won't be offended.
As a military wife it will be MUCH easier if you grow a thick skin, learn the lingo and BE GLAD HE IS HERE AND NOT IN THE SANDBOX.
I don't have that problem, my DH cannot talk about work outside of the building. Gotta Love National Security postings...
Next time, firmly but politely put a moratorium on 'shop talk'. do not permit it, period. if they can't carry on a conversation not about work, then well, they need to get out more...heheheh
lol, I'm preparing for when I have to deal with that because I new military wife as well. I'd talk to him about it...let it know it makes you feel awkward. I'm sure they weren't TRYING to leave you out.
Max has a good point.
It is nice to all be together, but they have to understand that you are not in the military and save that talk.
Talk to your husband and let him know about this, he may not even realize he does this.
We have a rule when we get together with others socially.... 15 minutes of ';shop talk'; to get it out of their systems and then it's over!! All other talk must be about anything but work and the base.
First, we're out to have a night out and to enjoy ourselves. Second, they're our friends because they're great people, not just because they are in the same squadron or they are military. Third, even they need to get away from work. The friends you can talk to about everything and anything... those are the friends that will last the career.
Next time... be strong. It's your house, set the rules! (And you can laugh about it as you doing it, but then let them know ';hey guys, times up! So, what do you think about..... (whatever is in the news)? What kind of music should we listen to tonight? Did you catch the new movie??
You get the idea! :)
Good luck!
OK....just so you know you are not alone with this. When we invite friends over for BBQ's all the husbands and even the wives or female single soldiers talk shop...you have to start another conversation...just tell them..work is over for the day...lets talk about something else.
Once you have been in for a while you will start understanding everything they are saying....
Just hang in there...all of them do it...you just have to either change the conversation or tune them out. Maybe next time have it at your house and invite some people you know that way you have another spouse there that is not in the military to talk to or to help you start another conversation....
Good Luck with it
One of the things married folks NEED to do is protect the other. Your husband didn't do that. It would have been a good sign had he realized you weren't included and taken action to see that you were. It is further not a good sign that neither of the other couple came to your rescue. In fact, it is basic civility to be aware of these things. Sorry you had to go through that. It is very much to be hoped that your husband will grasp what happened and ';get'; the importance of protecting you.
as time goes on you will catch on and understand what they are talking about...maybe become a little more interested in what exactly your husband does, ask him about things and dont be shy to ask him what something means. you cant possibly join in on a conversation like that so dont feel left out or anything...it was rude of them to do that knowing you were the only one who couldnt relate, but these things happen you just have to bear with it..good luckk
I'm in the military, and a military wife... so yeah... we can relate to each other's job better because we go through the same thing... It's just the way it is. Maybe you can get more acquainted in what your husband does, ask him more about his day. If he has a funny story, ask him. When they're talking about things you don't understand, ask them to explain it to you.
Remember, you only have control over yourself. Take the extra steps to learn more. He's your husband, I'm sure you're very interested!
When I'm around my civillian friends, I make sure to kind of ... not dumb it down... but simplify the acronyms... because they're not knowledgable in that stuff. It's just easier. But since you're a new wife, you'll need to learn that stuff eventually.
Congratualtions on getting married by the way!
There are classes at the Family Support Center that help new spouses adapt to the military life, so maybe seek that out. Good luck!
The first thing you need to realize is... he's in the Army. Therefore, the Army is his life. No matter how hard he tries to have a personal life too... the Army is ALWAYS there. Eventually, he'll get to the point(if they are good friends, or become good friends), that they won't want to talk about work at home. This takes some time, but it will happen.
While I wouldn't suggest to not have dinner with this couple again, maybe he has another coworker with a civilian wife. Whatever you do, let your husband know how you feel, and how you felt that night. Like someone else said, he probably doesn't realize that he's doing it.
Okay, I can imagine how uncomfortable that was!
I grew up in a military house, so being married to the military was no shock for me.
I'm familiar with pretty much everything hubby and the buddies may talk about (terminology wise) but if something comes up that I don't get (like an inside joke or whatever) a gentle kick under the table (or squeezed hand, whatever) works wonders. Talk to him in andvance, tell him that when they talk shop ('put their boots on') it leaves you in the 3rd wheel position. If he wants to include you (as he should) he needs to pause a second and explain things to you. If he doesn't like it or gets tired of doing it, (or even has the basic manners of a wildebeast) he will catch on and switch topics to something you can all discuss. You may choose to not even be that subtle-- interrupt! Put a finger in the air, so they know you have something to say (if they are rambling non-stop) and just ask! ';Hey, new kid here! What does that mean?'; Hang in there, it will all make sense to you with time. But in the same way that you don't know how to be a mil. wife yet, he doesn't know how to be a good mil.husband yet. You both just have to learn as you go... Good luck!
Leaving his wife..serious advice please?
My brother told me he has decided to leave his wife. He has met someone else, fallen in love and..well, it is his decision. It is never an easy one and I did have my suspicions it was coming. I am trying hard not to judge him myself at the moment as his wife is a part of the family %26amp; we have taken holidays together with our kids, etc.
But putting all this aside, he is not sure how best to go about it. He would like to share joint custody of the children and play an active part in raising them. He is just not sure what to tell her. The easy thing is the truth but it might not make for an amicable break up. The kids should not have to suffer %26amp; he doesn鈥檛 want to hurt her anymore than he has to. And yet he can鈥檛 just say he wants to move out but give no real reason. He has already told her he is not happy and they have been trying to work it out. Does anyone have any suggestions to help? I have my opinion but would be really good to hear some other ideas.Leaving his wife..serious advice please?
There is never an easy way to do this type of thing so the only way is to just do it. Tell her what has happened and let her hurt. She will and there is no way to stop it. The kids will be affected and there's no way to stop it. This is life, the only way to not experience these things is not to live life to it's fullest. All will come out of it scarred but they will live.Leaving his wife..serious advice please?
Wow that is a tough one. Honesty is the best policy. He should definitely start out with the positive that he got out of the relationship and that he wants to always be an active parent in his kids lives. Those things should lead up to the final words his wife will already expect to hear. As far as family goes, the way our family is...once youre family..you're always family (until you make yourself unwelcome) So on your part I would just reassure her that you still want to her to be around. Those are your nephews/nieces! Good luck!
That is what my ex did. He left and never told me why. I suspect he met another woman. Even to this day (6 yrs later) he acts angry at me when he sees me, like I did something wrong! I have forgiven him and moved on, but do wonder what the truth was. He moved across the country (supposidly to be with his girlfriend) and our children might see him once a year. I wouldn't recommend that - I see it as a cowards way out. The truth may hurt, but it is far better than leaving people wondering IMO. BTW let your sis in law know that even though your brother is not with her, you still consider her your sister and want her a part of your lives.
I do know a man who disowned his son for cheating and leaving his wife (the daughter in law). That is another way to go I suppose, especially if you feel it is morally wrong.
Ok this is my opinion based on what just happened in my life. If he has met someone and he is wanting to leave his wife. The best idea would be the truth but sometimes that is not always the easiest. Not happy and there is nothing going to fix this is and we need to file for divorce is the next option. But she will more than likely find out in the end anyway
I think as long as your brother is married, he should honor the vows he made to his wife, and the mother of his children, and remain faithful to her until any divorce is final. He has betrayed his wife and children's trust in him--and yet he still wants an amicable divorce settlement? Tell him to dream on.
I hope his wife takes him for everything he's got. Cheaters deserve it.
I have always said that in this modern World, couples who are Married do not take their Vows seriously, whatever happened to this words spoken in the ceremony when a Judge or a Priest is Marrying them, ';Till Death do us Part.'; To make matters worse your Brother does not take into consideration, that he has kids to boot, does he cares how this is going to hurt them as time goes on and he is not with them. I am not going to go on and on with this charade, but what goes around comes around, because what makes your Brother so sure this Woman he is Leaving his Wife for, will be loyal to him. I hope he pays for what he is doing to his Family.
At one point ';he met his wife, fell and love with her...'; for people like your brother it's likely to be a sad cycle of misery.
I think he should try and work it out with his current wife.
Cannot help you help your no good brother leave his wife and children for some tramp. He vowed for better or worse and 'til death do you part. He cannot keep a promise made before God why should anyone help him Its his wife and the kids that need help.
Well, he should quit cheating and stay with his wife and make it right.
That is my advice to him.
Why would he want to hurt his wife, his children...? Why would someone choose to be a part time parent if the differences can be worked out?
I'll say ...stay out of their business. If he is man enough to cheat on his wife he should be a man to tell her.
He doesn't deserve anything that might bring him happiness the children would be better off without him. He's a cheater and hopefully his wife takes him for all he's worth!
I'm not sure he is going to be happy with this relationship. As for telling her about the other woman I wouldn't tell her at first. Best to let her find out some other way.
He can get a 50/50 custody as more and more judges are agreeing to this and it is better for the kids.
Good luck he will need it.
Since he doesn't want to be honest, which would be the best thing, he needs to use the fact they attempted to make it work as an excuse. He should say that they've tried but he feels it isn't working and he feels it would be best for them to separate for awhile and decide where to go from there.
I cant belive that you havent that you are so cool with this. Where are you morals. What if this happen to you but it was you husband and his sister? I can tell your a peice of Sh*T aunt. Of course I'm not judging you.
Well I hate to see that bc if he has children he dosent realize how this will affect them mentally and emotionally but if he is really that unhappy he needs to be prepared for the child support and the fact that regardless what excuse he gives it is not going to be peacefully...But if he dosent want her to hate him beyond recognition he needs to tell her the truth and say, '; You know we have not been happy with each other for a while now and I am sure the kids can sense it, I dont want to be miserable and I dont want to make you miserable and so I think it would be better if we call it quits and get a divorce so that way we can hold on to any friendship we still have, I may not be with you but I will always be there if you need me as a friend.'; If she asks about you seeing anybody Else just say that you have met someone and that is another reason you wanted to do this now before you get involved with that person. Tell your wife you respected her enough to wait rather then cheat on her... If none of this works then your just screwed..... glad if I helped
Can you brother remember the sweet and memorable moment with her wife. If yes, try to work out something
he need to just be honest no d*cking her around tell her he wasnt ready to be married and he wants out thats all sometimes the simplest way is the best
A mother will do anything for her kids, if they will suffer more, meaning they have suffered enough already; she will live w/ a man that truly hates her just to see her kids happy. As long as the two grown-ups don't fight in front of the kids.
as for the brother, just be neutral and don't gossip. Be an uncle, a brother, and a friend.
best advice to your brother, honesty is always better. If he's unhappy, it's for a reason, so he has a reason to give her. If he didn't want to make her feel bad, then he should have never ';shopped'; around. When it rains, it pours. In a marriage, you may not always be in love, but if he truly saw her for the woman he married, those feelins would slowy return. Slowly, meaning like three yrs. But if would take a lot of giving from both, not just one.
I think the obvious answer is to have a third party....That being a counselor. He can help them walk through the process as nicely as is ';possible';. There is no painless way to get a divorce and the children will be affected, period. He needs to maintain his honor through the process and be kind, but firm in his decision.
Is always hard when you have to leave your family. I believe is hard for him as well. I will tell you when love is gone is not much anybody can do.
Most of the time is easy just to blame him, because he is the one leaving. But you have to know the real reason why. Was he happy? Was she happy?
I think he is honest.Trying to leave her instead or have a relation while he is marry.
Maybe some people prefer to live in a relationship when one of the couple is unhappy.
That is good that he is not trying to talk about issues in a way.
I think he is your brother. He is important for you, and now he is having a difficult time. Listen to him and don't judge him, advised him, without trying to change his mind.
Marriage is something so delicate, like a flower. You have to take care of what you have. You have to appreciate when you have a good man or a good woman. And sometimes we just forget about it and we become selfish.
They are the only ones that really knows what happened in their relationship. And most likely couples blame each other.
Good luck to your family.
TELL THE TRUTH FROM THE BEGINNING!!!
Just be careful how to word it. The soon-to-be ex will find out sooner or later anyway. Leaving your spouse for another person is really tough on the ex. After they blow a gasket, give them some time to settle down. Then divide everything as amicably as possible. It takes time but it can be done.
Maybe he should tell his wife ';Dear, I regret to inform you I am selfish and I cheated on you and I am going to tear our family apart and hurt our kids %26amp; you miserably by leaving you.';
such a shame for the wife and kids, really!
He should tell her and be prepared for whatever follows afterwards. The best thing for you to do is stay out of it if you don't want hard feelings against you later. You can't make up his mind for him, and he will have to do this on his own. since he has kids, it will eventually come out that he had someone else.
It'll be ugly if he tells the truth but not half as ugly as if she finds out later. She deserves to hear the truth. In the long run it will be better and if they are going to share custody of the kids she will find out. If he lies, he or the new woman will slip up eventually and all hell will break lose. The kids will think he's a liar and it will be a complete mess.
It's going to be bad at first, she'll be pissed and there will be issues, but if he lies it will be so much worse. It doesn't sound like he cares about his wife at all. She does have a right to know.
But putting all this aside, he is not sure how best to go about it. He would like to share joint custody of the children and play an active part in raising them. He is just not sure what to tell her. The easy thing is the truth but it might not make for an amicable break up. The kids should not have to suffer %26amp; he doesn鈥檛 want to hurt her anymore than he has to. And yet he can鈥檛 just say he wants to move out but give no real reason. He has already told her he is not happy and they have been trying to work it out. Does anyone have any suggestions to help? I have my opinion but would be really good to hear some other ideas.Leaving his wife..serious advice please?
There is never an easy way to do this type of thing so the only way is to just do it. Tell her what has happened and let her hurt. She will and there is no way to stop it. The kids will be affected and there's no way to stop it. This is life, the only way to not experience these things is not to live life to it's fullest. All will come out of it scarred but they will live.Leaving his wife..serious advice please?
Wow that is a tough one. Honesty is the best policy. He should definitely start out with the positive that he got out of the relationship and that he wants to always be an active parent in his kids lives. Those things should lead up to the final words his wife will already expect to hear. As far as family goes, the way our family is...once youre family..you're always family (until you make yourself unwelcome) So on your part I would just reassure her that you still want to her to be around. Those are your nephews/nieces! Good luck!
That is what my ex did. He left and never told me why. I suspect he met another woman. Even to this day (6 yrs later) he acts angry at me when he sees me, like I did something wrong! I have forgiven him and moved on, but do wonder what the truth was. He moved across the country (supposidly to be with his girlfriend) and our children might see him once a year. I wouldn't recommend that - I see it as a cowards way out. The truth may hurt, but it is far better than leaving people wondering IMO. BTW let your sis in law know that even though your brother is not with her, you still consider her your sister and want her a part of your lives.
I do know a man who disowned his son for cheating and leaving his wife (the daughter in law). That is another way to go I suppose, especially if you feel it is morally wrong.
Ok this is my opinion based on what just happened in my life. If he has met someone and he is wanting to leave his wife. The best idea would be the truth but sometimes that is not always the easiest. Not happy and there is nothing going to fix this is and we need to file for divorce is the next option. But she will more than likely find out in the end anyway
I think as long as your brother is married, he should honor the vows he made to his wife, and the mother of his children, and remain faithful to her until any divorce is final. He has betrayed his wife and children's trust in him--and yet he still wants an amicable divorce settlement? Tell him to dream on.
I hope his wife takes him for everything he's got. Cheaters deserve it.
I have always said that in this modern World, couples who are Married do not take their Vows seriously, whatever happened to this words spoken in the ceremony when a Judge or a Priest is Marrying them, ';Till Death do us Part.'; To make matters worse your Brother does not take into consideration, that he has kids to boot, does he cares how this is going to hurt them as time goes on and he is not with them. I am not going to go on and on with this charade, but what goes around comes around, because what makes your Brother so sure this Woman he is Leaving his Wife for, will be loyal to him. I hope he pays for what he is doing to his Family.
At one point ';he met his wife, fell and love with her...'; for people like your brother it's likely to be a sad cycle of misery.
I think he should try and work it out with his current wife.
Cannot help you help your no good brother leave his wife and children for some tramp. He vowed for better or worse and 'til death do you part. He cannot keep a promise made before God why should anyone help him Its his wife and the kids that need help.
Well, he should quit cheating and stay with his wife and make it right.
That is my advice to him.
Why would he want to hurt his wife, his children...? Why would someone choose to be a part time parent if the differences can be worked out?
I'll say ...stay out of their business. If he is man enough to cheat on his wife he should be a man to tell her.
He doesn't deserve anything that might bring him happiness the children would be better off without him. He's a cheater and hopefully his wife takes him for all he's worth!
I'm not sure he is going to be happy with this relationship. As for telling her about the other woman I wouldn't tell her at first. Best to let her find out some other way.
He can get a 50/50 custody as more and more judges are agreeing to this and it is better for the kids.
Good luck he will need it.
Since he doesn't want to be honest, which would be the best thing, he needs to use the fact they attempted to make it work as an excuse. He should say that they've tried but he feels it isn't working and he feels it would be best for them to separate for awhile and decide where to go from there.
I cant belive that you havent that you are so cool with this. Where are you morals. What if this happen to you but it was you husband and his sister? I can tell your a peice of Sh*T aunt. Of course I'm not judging you.
Well I hate to see that bc if he has children he dosent realize how this will affect them mentally and emotionally but if he is really that unhappy he needs to be prepared for the child support and the fact that regardless what excuse he gives it is not going to be peacefully...But if he dosent want her to hate him beyond recognition he needs to tell her the truth and say, '; You know we have not been happy with each other for a while now and I am sure the kids can sense it, I dont want to be miserable and I dont want to make you miserable and so I think it would be better if we call it quits and get a divorce so that way we can hold on to any friendship we still have, I may not be with you but I will always be there if you need me as a friend.'; If she asks about you seeing anybody Else just say that you have met someone and that is another reason you wanted to do this now before you get involved with that person. Tell your wife you respected her enough to wait rather then cheat on her... If none of this works then your just screwed..... glad if I helped
Can you brother remember the sweet and memorable moment with her wife. If yes, try to work out something
he need to just be honest no d*cking her around tell her he wasnt ready to be married and he wants out thats all sometimes the simplest way is the best
A mother will do anything for her kids, if they will suffer more, meaning they have suffered enough already; she will live w/ a man that truly hates her just to see her kids happy. As long as the two grown-ups don't fight in front of the kids.
as for the brother, just be neutral and don't gossip. Be an uncle, a brother, and a friend.
best advice to your brother, honesty is always better. If he's unhappy, it's for a reason, so he has a reason to give her. If he didn't want to make her feel bad, then he should have never ';shopped'; around. When it rains, it pours. In a marriage, you may not always be in love, but if he truly saw her for the woman he married, those feelins would slowy return. Slowly, meaning like three yrs. But if would take a lot of giving from both, not just one.
I think the obvious answer is to have a third party....That being a counselor. He can help them walk through the process as nicely as is ';possible';. There is no painless way to get a divorce and the children will be affected, period. He needs to maintain his honor through the process and be kind, but firm in his decision.
Is always hard when you have to leave your family. I believe is hard for him as well. I will tell you when love is gone is not much anybody can do.
Most of the time is easy just to blame him, because he is the one leaving. But you have to know the real reason why. Was he happy? Was she happy?
I think he is honest.Trying to leave her instead or have a relation while he is marry.
Maybe some people prefer to live in a relationship when one of the couple is unhappy.
That is good that he is not trying to talk about issues in a way.
I think he is your brother. He is important for you, and now he is having a difficult time. Listen to him and don't judge him, advised him, without trying to change his mind.
Marriage is something so delicate, like a flower. You have to take care of what you have. You have to appreciate when you have a good man or a good woman. And sometimes we just forget about it and we become selfish.
They are the only ones that really knows what happened in their relationship. And most likely couples blame each other.
Good luck to your family.
TELL THE TRUTH FROM THE BEGINNING!!!
Just be careful how to word it. The soon-to-be ex will find out sooner or later anyway. Leaving your spouse for another person is really tough on the ex. After they blow a gasket, give them some time to settle down. Then divide everything as amicably as possible. It takes time but it can be done.
Maybe he should tell his wife ';Dear, I regret to inform you I am selfish and I cheated on you and I am going to tear our family apart and hurt our kids %26amp; you miserably by leaving you.';
such a shame for the wife and kids, really!
He should tell her and be prepared for whatever follows afterwards. The best thing for you to do is stay out of it if you don't want hard feelings against you later. You can't make up his mind for him, and he will have to do this on his own. since he has kids, it will eventually come out that he had someone else.
It'll be ugly if he tells the truth but not half as ugly as if she finds out later. She deserves to hear the truth. In the long run it will be better and if they are going to share custody of the kids she will find out. If he lies, he or the new woman will slip up eventually and all hell will break lose. The kids will think he's a liar and it will be a complete mess.
It's going to be bad at first, she'll be pissed and there will be issues, but if he lies it will be so much worse. It doesn't sound like he cares about his wife at all. She does have a right to know.
Questions guys!!!!!! wife needs advice on ';insecurity';?
how would you want your wife to react or be in this situation. lets say you have a beautiful wife and athletic. and she is feling insecure about other women in the room or about running into an ex of yous. (your a pretty cute guy too) whats more attratcive to you guys....would you rather her fake being confident in that situatin or telly ou she feels insecure? the reason i ask is becasue whenever i have felt and acted on being insecure it really bugged my husband...he hated it when i actdo n my insecurity...i dont know why...so do you all think i should asct really confident when im faced with an ex or somthing? my husband is a really confident man...and i am very confident too...but im talking about certain situations.........whats best?Questions guys!!!!!! wife needs advice on ';insecurity';?
Please..... Asking a beautiful woman to feel secure no mater what isn't going to cut it... You're man might be a really confident person however he isn't quite aware of how to deal with a beautiful woman at times when she does feel insecure.
Of course I think you should act confident but I also expect your husband to be there for you when you're a bit insecure - I think that's best.
So you acted on your insecurity... (Wonder what you said or did...) and he's not happy about it. If it wasn't obvious to him you should have told him.... I would want you to tell me so I could have been more supportive at the time....
Questions guys!!!!!! wife needs advice on ';insecurity';?
Are you acting immature when you display your insecurity? What reason has he given you to be insecure, or does he reassure you that he isn't going to leave you for another woman. Your insecurities sound to me like they spawn from a lack of trust in your husband. For whatever reason you are insecure around these other women and for what reason: You worry they are better for your man than you are..right? The reason guys get irritated are 1. a girl with insecurities like these CAN, not saying all do, display immature reactions and 2. It makes us feel like you don't trust us; therefore, we get irritated. My wife does the same things and it's very aggrivating. She just doesn't get it: just because your man is attractive doesn't mean he's going anywhere. Good luck!
thank you for asking this question because i've thought the same thing at times. We are both an attractive couple, i mean I'm no hally berry and he's no matthew mconohay (the guy that played in the wedding planner and fools gold) but we do look good.
sometimes i wonder if the ';other'; person has it up on me, or has something better than I do REGARDLESS IF WE ARE MARRIED. yeah he married me BUT there's LOTS of temptation floating around there. and just cuz ur married don't mean u aint tempted by the other person
I think most men don't like when their wives are insecure. I know mine doesn't. I found that acting like I have more confidence makes him feel better and it's been better for our marriage and eventually it actually gives me more confidence where I end up not having to fake it at all!
Why should you feel insecure when you meet one of his ex's, when he married you, not her?
Confident, confident, confident
RELAX!! He's married to YOU.
Be the real you at the time never be something your not
Please..... Asking a beautiful woman to feel secure no mater what isn't going to cut it... You're man might be a really confident person however he isn't quite aware of how to deal with a beautiful woman at times when she does feel insecure.
Of course I think you should act confident but I also expect your husband to be there for you when you're a bit insecure - I think that's best.
So you acted on your insecurity... (Wonder what you said or did...) and he's not happy about it. If it wasn't obvious to him you should have told him.... I would want you to tell me so I could have been more supportive at the time....
Questions guys!!!!!! wife needs advice on ';insecurity';?
Are you acting immature when you display your insecurity? What reason has he given you to be insecure, or does he reassure you that he isn't going to leave you for another woman. Your insecurities sound to me like they spawn from a lack of trust in your husband. For whatever reason you are insecure around these other women and for what reason: You worry they are better for your man than you are..right? The reason guys get irritated are 1. a girl with insecurities like these CAN, not saying all do, display immature reactions and 2. It makes us feel like you don't trust us; therefore, we get irritated. My wife does the same things and it's very aggrivating. She just doesn't get it: just because your man is attractive doesn't mean he's going anywhere. Good luck!
thank you for asking this question because i've thought the same thing at times. We are both an attractive couple, i mean I'm no hally berry and he's no matthew mconohay (the guy that played in the wedding planner and fools gold) but we do look good.
sometimes i wonder if the ';other'; person has it up on me, or has something better than I do REGARDLESS IF WE ARE MARRIED. yeah he married me BUT there's LOTS of temptation floating around there. and just cuz ur married don't mean u aint tempted by the other person
I think most men don't like when their wives are insecure. I know mine doesn't. I found that acting like I have more confidence makes him feel better and it's been better for our marriage and eventually it actually gives me more confidence where I end up not having to fake it at all!
Why should you feel insecure when you meet one of his ex's, when he married you, not her?
Confident, confident, confident
RELAX!! He's married to YOU.
Be the real you at the time never be something your not
Cheated on wife need advice?
I鈥檓 a pastor at my local church here and been married for seven years with two wonderful kids. I love my pastor work. It what I have wanted to do all my life, this is what I made the biggest mistake in my life here I made. During a trip to Ohio with fellow pastors I had to share a room with another pastor who is few years younger that me. One thing lead to another and ended up having sex. I did thing I would never have thought of doing with another man. I鈥檓 praying hard for God to forgive me. But should I tell my wife about this? or leave it between me and God? No I鈥檓 not gay it just a one off experiences. Has any other man been through this or it just me? Please need serious advice only.Cheated on wife need advice?
A retreat to the Brokeback Mountain in Ohio???
Ok, seriously. You need to really understand AND accept your own sexuality. If you are truly a gay, then accept it and plan the path forward based on that.
The cheating incident is only the symptom of deeper issue in your marriage and sounds like that deeper issue could be that you are simply a gay.Cheated on wife need advice?
If you had sex with another man that makes you gay, you can't say you are not gay when you slept with a man '; come on now!'; However your a pastor and you deliver the word of God. WOW!!! And you are cheating! Man or woman that's wrong! you need to ask God for forgiveness! since you are a pastor you need to be honest and tell your wife that you committed adultery.
This is certainly my opinion only but, how could you even say, '; one thing lead to another?'; As a man of God you should have had enough brains and willpower to never let this happen. YES, pray for forgivness , if it be his will. I think you should have a good prayer and ask God what to do about your wife. What do you think you should do?
If you have to share another room again will this happen again because , one thing lead to another?
First of all, I am no one to judge you. With that said, as a christian, I would advice you to tell your wife. She is your life partner and you vowed to stay faithful to her. I would also quit being a pastor if I were you. How can you lead God's people when you have not only been unfaithful to the woman God gave you, but had sex with a man. (Which I have read in the bible to be an abomination in God's eyes.
Tell your wife, you promised your love to her in front of God. Try to explain this to her, about how terrible you feel, ask her to please try and stand by you. Please do not let this lie exist between you and the women you promised to be with for the rest of your life, that breaks my heart!
you should tell your wife. its not fair to keep something liek that a secret. you must realize that ur actions have consenquences, and its not alwasy goign to be in ur favor. do the right thing and tlak to your wife. hopefully she and God will both forgive you.
What would you tell one of your parishioners to do? What steps are necessary for you to take to fully repent and be forgiven? These are questions that will be specific to your particular faith. By answering these questions you should have a better idea as to what to do.
Interesting question history you got:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
Troll!
Umm,,, any pastor would know that once you ask forgiveness from God you are forgiven. Tell your wife and go from there. and try to forgive yourself.
Seek counseling immediately. If not for yourself, heal your wife and children. There are sure to find out. Churches cannot keep secrets.
Tell your wife! If she finds out some other way she will be TRULY hurt. If you tell her there is more chance to be forgiven by her. Plus not telling her is practically lying.
Sam took the words right out of my mouth!
Oh how the mighty have fallen. Lmao. I'm sure you preach against homosexuality too. Screaming that all gays are going to hell. Well guess what you have homosexual tendencies. Don't make it worse by being a liar and a coward. Your wife has the right to know what kind of man she's married to. It wouldn't matter if it was a man or a woman you cheated on either. She deserves the chance to toss you out on your a-s.
edit: Is your life really that meaningless that you have to make up stupid fake questions? Obviously your dna came from the shallow end of the gene pool.
You should absolutely tell your wife. I have no religious belief, so as far as I am concerned, this is not between you and ';God';. This is between you an your primary sexual partner-your wife. Rather or not you cheated on her with another woman or man, you cheated on her and have put her health at risk. I hope you have not had the GAUL to sleep with her before having yourself tested and cleared for STDs.
As for you being gay..All human beings have attractions that rest on a spectrum, and where you are on the spectrum can fluctuate. There are very few people who are 100% heterosexual or 100% homosexual, most of us lean mostly in one direction, but that doesn't mean that we cannot have attractions to people that we usually wouldn't. That being said, forget the labels. You had sex with a man, and really, that's all that matters. I have been drunk as all hell, and have never had a sexual encounter with ANYONE that I did not WANT to. And never another woman, as I am almost 95%(or more) heterosexual. You need to come to terms with your own sexuality and be honest, and forgive yourself.
Again, you absolutely OWE it to your wife to be honest. You OWE her. Additionally, you owe it to yourself to own your attraction to men. Personally, I wouldn't moralize it, but again, I'm not religious in the least. But I'm sure you don't have wife who would be into you sleeping with other men(or women) ever again in your entire life, so it's something that must be discussed thoroughly.
Edit: I also want to point out how disgusted I am by these so-called ';Christian'; people who think that lying via evasion is somehow doing the wife a favor. Are you people serious? Yes, you are. ';Give it to God';, and not the wife? He isn't married to God, he is married to his wife. He isn't having sex with God, he's having sex with his wife. His sexual twosome just became a threesome. Evasion is lying people! Get your heads out of your B-i-b-l-e's people and get some real morals based on your consciousness not other culture's ancient convoluted text message...
And sorry for the rant.
why do you want to burden and hurt your wife with this? it is going to end your marriage and her life as she knows it. not to mention what it will do to your children's life.
you are burdened with guilt, but you say you have prayed for forgiveness. The Lord has forgiven you. as a Christian, you know that. you just have to live with forgiving yourself, %26amp; it will be hard but the Holy Spirit can help.
you will have to live with trying to forget what happened and wonder if the guy might show up %26amp; decide to ruin your life. but your wife %26amp; childrren do not deserve that pain so if you intend to stay married, be quiet and learn to live forgiven of sin. don't go on any more trips without your wife. don't let satan tempt you anymore. be watchful.
remember, the Lord said to the girl, go and sin no more. live it. now you know personally what it means.
I am a Christian.
Yes you are gay! Okay now that we have cleared this issue up. Trying not to sound so judgmental, but you are so wrong on all aspects of this situation. You need to tell your wife this, you never know what her response maybe, but whatever it is you have to just deal with it, you are on the one that created the betrayal. What do you think you are doing and the fact that you go and preach to you congregation about the right thing to do. I am not one that dislikes gay people, but it is people like you that make the world judge them. Go and tell your wife, give her the option to choose just like you did that very night.
EVERYONE is human, we all know that so well. I would NOT tell my wife if I were you. You made the mistake, you are the one who is hurting from it enuf, going thru enuf guilt yourself, why would you want to hurt her too! My Dad too was a minister, %26amp; I guess that's why I kinda of stressed the ';human'; side of it purposely. He had folks come to him w/every kind of situation you surely understand yourself. I truly believe this is something that should be ';worked out'; between you %26amp; the Lord. Only He can forgive our sins as you so well know. Do you in all honesty believe that HE would have you purpousely hurt another for a sin you yourself committed? I do NOT think He would. He is a loving God, one who ';protects'; His own. To tell her would not be protecting her but in fact just hurt her. I do not feel God would want us to cause another needless pain if we did not have to. There would be NO purpose in doing it in the first place. As a Christian, I would say to leave it w/the Lord %26amp; put it in His Hands. Also I'd ask the Lord for help w/this that it will NOT ever happen again. Do NOT weaken because you feel guilt. When God forgives, he washes away all guilt along with the sin that also was committed. Be grateful you DO have a forgiving Heavenly Father who has 'WASHED'; away your sins.. Take care...:)
First off, let me say I'm a 20 year old girl, so none of what I'm going to say is going to come from experience, but instead, from my opinion and me trying to imagine what your situation is like.
I would say that if there is ANY chance WHATSOEVER of your wife finding out at all, from anyone besides you, you should go ahead and tell her, so that she doesn't have to go through the agony of finding out from someone else.
I would also suggest not only praying for God's forgiveness, but for God's guidance on how much you should reveal to your wife and family, etc.
A word of reassurance: Whether other men will come forward and say this or not, they HAVE been through it. I was just recently reading about Ted Haggard, but he went to the extreme... Your situation is entirely different from his, but it is similar in the sleeping with another man part.
You are not any less of a Christian because of your actions, and you are not any less of a leader, of a husband, of a father. Everyone makes mistakes, and God looks at all mistakes the same way. He doesn't judge you more or less based on the sin you commit. You know this, I'm sure. As long as you are truly repentent, scripture says God takes our sins and spreads them as far as the east is from the west, and they are no more.
I hope this helps. If you need to talk, you can email me through yahoo! answers.
A retreat to the Brokeback Mountain in Ohio???
Ok, seriously. You need to really understand AND accept your own sexuality. If you are truly a gay, then accept it and plan the path forward based on that.
The cheating incident is only the symptom of deeper issue in your marriage and sounds like that deeper issue could be that you are simply a gay.Cheated on wife need advice?
If you had sex with another man that makes you gay, you can't say you are not gay when you slept with a man '; come on now!'; However your a pastor and you deliver the word of God. WOW!!! And you are cheating! Man or woman that's wrong! you need to ask God for forgiveness! since you are a pastor you need to be honest and tell your wife that you committed adultery.
This is certainly my opinion only but, how could you even say, '; one thing lead to another?'; As a man of God you should have had enough brains and willpower to never let this happen. YES, pray for forgivness , if it be his will. I think you should have a good prayer and ask God what to do about your wife. What do you think you should do?
If you have to share another room again will this happen again because , one thing lead to another?
First of all, I am no one to judge you. With that said, as a christian, I would advice you to tell your wife. She is your life partner and you vowed to stay faithful to her. I would also quit being a pastor if I were you. How can you lead God's people when you have not only been unfaithful to the woman God gave you, but had sex with a man. (Which I have read in the bible to be an abomination in God's eyes.
Tell your wife, you promised your love to her in front of God. Try to explain this to her, about how terrible you feel, ask her to please try and stand by you. Please do not let this lie exist between you and the women you promised to be with for the rest of your life, that breaks my heart!
you should tell your wife. its not fair to keep something liek that a secret. you must realize that ur actions have consenquences, and its not alwasy goign to be in ur favor. do the right thing and tlak to your wife. hopefully she and God will both forgive you.
What would you tell one of your parishioners to do? What steps are necessary for you to take to fully repent and be forgiven? These are questions that will be specific to your particular faith. By answering these questions you should have a better idea as to what to do.
Interesting question history you got:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
Troll!
Umm,,, any pastor would know that once you ask forgiveness from God you are forgiven. Tell your wife and go from there. and try to forgive yourself.
Seek counseling immediately. If not for yourself, heal your wife and children. There are sure to find out. Churches cannot keep secrets.
Tell your wife! If she finds out some other way she will be TRULY hurt. If you tell her there is more chance to be forgiven by her. Plus not telling her is practically lying.
Sam took the words right out of my mouth!
Oh how the mighty have fallen. Lmao. I'm sure you preach against homosexuality too. Screaming that all gays are going to hell. Well guess what you have homosexual tendencies. Don't make it worse by being a liar and a coward. Your wife has the right to know what kind of man she's married to. It wouldn't matter if it was a man or a woman you cheated on either. She deserves the chance to toss you out on your a-s.
edit: Is your life really that meaningless that you have to make up stupid fake questions? Obviously your dna came from the shallow end of the gene pool.
You should absolutely tell your wife. I have no religious belief, so as far as I am concerned, this is not between you and ';God';. This is between you an your primary sexual partner-your wife. Rather or not you cheated on her with another woman or man, you cheated on her and have put her health at risk. I hope you have not had the GAUL to sleep with her before having yourself tested and cleared for STDs.
As for you being gay..All human beings have attractions that rest on a spectrum, and where you are on the spectrum can fluctuate. There are very few people who are 100% heterosexual or 100% homosexual, most of us lean mostly in one direction, but that doesn't mean that we cannot have attractions to people that we usually wouldn't. That being said, forget the labels. You had sex with a man, and really, that's all that matters. I have been drunk as all hell, and have never had a sexual encounter with ANYONE that I did not WANT to. And never another woman, as I am almost 95%(or more) heterosexual. You need to come to terms with your own sexuality and be honest, and forgive yourself.
Again, you absolutely OWE it to your wife to be honest. You OWE her. Additionally, you owe it to yourself to own your attraction to men. Personally, I wouldn't moralize it, but again, I'm not religious in the least. But I'm sure you don't have wife who would be into you sleeping with other men(or women) ever again in your entire life, so it's something that must be discussed thoroughly.
Edit: I also want to point out how disgusted I am by these so-called ';Christian'; people who think that lying via evasion is somehow doing the wife a favor. Are you people serious? Yes, you are. ';Give it to God';, and not the wife? He isn't married to God, he is married to his wife. He isn't having sex with God, he's having sex with his wife. His sexual twosome just became a threesome. Evasion is lying people! Get your heads out of your B-i-b-l-e's people and get some real morals based on your consciousness not other culture's ancient convoluted text message...
And sorry for the rant.
why do you want to burden and hurt your wife with this? it is going to end your marriage and her life as she knows it. not to mention what it will do to your children's life.
you are burdened with guilt, but you say you have prayed for forgiveness. The Lord has forgiven you. as a Christian, you know that. you just have to live with forgiving yourself, %26amp; it will be hard but the Holy Spirit can help.
you will have to live with trying to forget what happened and wonder if the guy might show up %26amp; decide to ruin your life. but your wife %26amp; childrren do not deserve that pain so if you intend to stay married, be quiet and learn to live forgiven of sin. don't go on any more trips without your wife. don't let satan tempt you anymore. be watchful.
remember, the Lord said to the girl, go and sin no more. live it. now you know personally what it means.
I am a Christian.
Yes you are gay! Okay now that we have cleared this issue up. Trying not to sound so judgmental, but you are so wrong on all aspects of this situation. You need to tell your wife this, you never know what her response maybe, but whatever it is you have to just deal with it, you are on the one that created the betrayal. What do you think you are doing and the fact that you go and preach to you congregation about the right thing to do. I am not one that dislikes gay people, but it is people like you that make the world judge them. Go and tell your wife, give her the option to choose just like you did that very night.
EVERYONE is human, we all know that so well. I would NOT tell my wife if I were you. You made the mistake, you are the one who is hurting from it enuf, going thru enuf guilt yourself, why would you want to hurt her too! My Dad too was a minister, %26amp; I guess that's why I kinda of stressed the ';human'; side of it purposely. He had folks come to him w/every kind of situation you surely understand yourself. I truly believe this is something that should be ';worked out'; between you %26amp; the Lord. Only He can forgive our sins as you so well know. Do you in all honesty believe that HE would have you purpousely hurt another for a sin you yourself committed? I do NOT think He would. He is a loving God, one who ';protects'; His own. To tell her would not be protecting her but in fact just hurt her. I do not feel God would want us to cause another needless pain if we did not have to. There would be NO purpose in doing it in the first place. As a Christian, I would say to leave it w/the Lord %26amp; put it in His Hands. Also I'd ask the Lord for help w/this that it will NOT ever happen again. Do NOT weaken because you feel guilt. When God forgives, he washes away all guilt along with the sin that also was committed. Be grateful you DO have a forgiving Heavenly Father who has 'WASHED'; away your sins.. Take care...:)
First off, let me say I'm a 20 year old girl, so none of what I'm going to say is going to come from experience, but instead, from my opinion and me trying to imagine what your situation is like.
I would say that if there is ANY chance WHATSOEVER of your wife finding out at all, from anyone besides you, you should go ahead and tell her, so that she doesn't have to go through the agony of finding out from someone else.
I would also suggest not only praying for God's forgiveness, but for God's guidance on how much you should reveal to your wife and family, etc.
A word of reassurance: Whether other men will come forward and say this or not, they HAVE been through it. I was just recently reading about Ted Haggard, but he went to the extreme... Your situation is entirely different from his, but it is similar in the sleeping with another man part.
You are not any less of a Christian because of your actions, and you are not any less of a leader, of a husband, of a father. Everyone makes mistakes, and God looks at all mistakes the same way. He doesn't judge you more or less based on the sin you commit. You know this, I'm sure. As long as you are truly repentent, scripture says God takes our sins and spreads them as far as the east is from the west, and they are no more.
I hope this helps. If you need to talk, you can email me through yahoo! answers.
Situation with wife - need advice, anyone know the law?
In 1999 my wife was employed at a small local bank, there was a thing happening with her cousin and one bad decision lead to another. She made mistakes and compounded these, it all ended by her committing a fraud for $250,000. she was never caught and deeply regrets this. It was just a situation that over whelmed her and she ended up doing things for her cousin that she was not happy with and didn't realise how it would escalate.
She told me all this about 3 years ago when we first got engaged. She had left her employer and moved state, that's how we met . I have extensive documents and statements etc that show exactly what happened.
I have now met a nice 22 year old, great figure - like a pistol in bed, you know the type. Unfortunately i never got my wife to sign a pre-nup. Question is should i report her to state or federal police, is there a statue of limitations on this and how will it safeguard e in the divorce?Situation with wife - need advice, anyone know the law?
I think you're completely full of crap, especially given your other questions. Anyway... assuming you're not f.o.s., it is wrong in any situation to abuse someone's trust by turning them in to the police. For anything aside from murder, rape or child molestation. She told you some things in confidence and assumed you would not abuse her trust. Don't do it. Go live your life, enjoy your pistol before she leaves you for someone else, and let your ex be.Situation with wife - need advice, anyone know the law?
That sounds like she was open with you and now you are going to abuse her intimacy.
What was said to you in confidence should remain confidential.
You are married, and you need to take care of your obligation to her, not try to blackmail her out of what she is entitled to.
This is very selfish behavior on your part. You cheated and now you are trying to get out of it smelling like a rose. Smells a little more like something else to me.
I pity your wife.
If you report her ; you will be admitting to knowledge and you will be proving that you knew by the hard copy evidence. You will be held as a co-conspirator after the fact. You may be able to bargain for a lighter sentence but you will not receive immunity due to the length of time that you withheld the info and your motivation for reporting it. She won't get half of anything because both of you will have all of your assests seized.
No you should not don't be a dick. She told you because she trusted you at the time don't be so callous coz what goes aroung comes around. Come to a private agreement with her and I hope the pistol fires blanks.
By the way you are an accessory after the fact, the police may even charge you so beware what you wish for .
when you both have lawyers tell her attorney you can prove fraud. 250000 is grand larceny and she would be lookin at about 10yrs jailtime. she wont go after ur stuff-believe me.There is no statute limiting or mitigating felonious embezzlement.Tell her attorney she simply cannot enjoy your money while in federal prison.
even if she did sign the pre-nup, she would still get half because by you saying the 22 yr old is a pistol in bed it goes to say you have committed adultery which would take the pre-nup and make it basically void.
be a man for goodness sake not a heartless a-hole
oh so for a easy divorce you want to toss her in jail ....
no matter where she lives hun your not getting everything ...
you cheated .....
you therefore ......would have made any prenuptial invalid ..
Best of luck cutting your house in two
OH yeah did I forget to mention .......your now a partner in crime for not reporting it before marriage ..
have fun with your cell mates
I don't think there is a statute of limitations on a federal offense, bank robbery is a federal offense is it not? I would tell the FBI and to hell with her. I could no sooner share a bed with a thief as i could a dog.
Are you really serious... WOW.. Do you realize, you admitted to with holding evidence in a felony crime? Now U want to use against your wife? Really.... Do you know U can get in as much trouble as her, just for hanging onto to that, and what ur planning on using it for is considered BLACMAIL ?? Stop, Drop, and THINK!!! Your using the wrong head!!!
you will have to say you have just recently came across the information, then it's your word against hers and she is a known thief. No statue of limitations, a fedral crime. Tell her lawyer and your money is safe.
Cant you just be happy with your new bit of stuff? This poor woman, you cheat on her, and this isn't enough? Instead of just doing the right thing you want to destroy her life????
Just get the divorce, and move on.
Thats very low down.You shoudnt snitch on your wife!You are married and she should get half of everything.Your should be ashamed and if your not then you are a boy not a man.A man would never treat a woman like that.
no you should not report her,just to get back at her.that is wrong.she regrets what she did and told you this in good faith.let her start a new life and you get on with yours.
So basically you are going to stitch up your wife to get out of the marriage cos you've met a younger model? Classy
WTF, to be honest u r really a jerk! when ur wife gets into trouble u not only opt out but do cradle snatching as well. she was honest to u, u knew it and u still married her then u get out at the first sign of trouble?! what happened through going through the thick and thin of life with ur wife. u r not even fit to be with either women. safeguard my ***, young wives are not necessarily good things coz u'll be a bald perverted old man b4 u noe it.
This is a total disconnect. What does her past, a pre-nup, and how things stand now have anything to do with each other? It sounds like you want to blackmail her (which is also a crime, in case you haven't caught on to that yet). If that's the case, it makes you a bigger slimeball than she will ever be on her worst day.
No, don't report her - what would really be served several years down the road? And yes there is a statute of limitations which varies with each state, but it likely is shorter than 10 years. If you do report her, and it is shown that you knew about this before the limitations ran out, I believe it makes you an accessory (also a crime, Einstein).
Let's see, a 22-year-old, a great figure, and a pistol in bed. Sounds like a match made in heaven, who will likely break your heart. You should let us know when you start thinking with your OTHER head - the one just above your neck.
Why now, why didn't you report her when she first told you. The best thing that came out of this for her is you are no longer in her life. You don't sound like a very nice person. Black mail is also a crime and so is knowing about a crime and not reporting it. But, you will get yours from the 22 year old when she cheats on you and leave you for someone her own age. It's called pay back, it's a b**ch.
You did not report the fraud when it happened..Were you not party to it, directly or indirectly...At least you hid it when it suited you and now for your other motive you want to report to authority..If you were so law-abiding you should have done it when you came to know it...Not now for depriving her the alimony...Put yourself in her shoes and think afresh...You are not trustworthy...Tell your new Friend that this is your nature and then see whether she trusts you or not...Then decide what to do...
you know what?
you should tell the police....
then you go and have a happy life with that 22 year old you have met!
You Deserve some fun after keeping that secret bottled up.
so..... enjoy yourself!makeup care
She told me all this about 3 years ago when we first got engaged. She had left her employer and moved state, that's how we met . I have extensive documents and statements etc that show exactly what happened.
I have now met a nice 22 year old, great figure - like a pistol in bed, you know the type. Unfortunately i never got my wife to sign a pre-nup. Question is should i report her to state or federal police, is there a statue of limitations on this and how will it safeguard e in the divorce?Situation with wife - need advice, anyone know the law?
I think you're completely full of crap, especially given your other questions. Anyway... assuming you're not f.o.s., it is wrong in any situation to abuse someone's trust by turning them in to the police. For anything aside from murder, rape or child molestation. She told you some things in confidence and assumed you would not abuse her trust. Don't do it. Go live your life, enjoy your pistol before she leaves you for someone else, and let your ex be.Situation with wife - need advice, anyone know the law?
That sounds like she was open with you and now you are going to abuse her intimacy.
What was said to you in confidence should remain confidential.
You are married, and you need to take care of your obligation to her, not try to blackmail her out of what she is entitled to.
This is very selfish behavior on your part. You cheated and now you are trying to get out of it smelling like a rose. Smells a little more like something else to me.
I pity your wife.
If you report her ; you will be admitting to knowledge and you will be proving that you knew by the hard copy evidence. You will be held as a co-conspirator after the fact. You may be able to bargain for a lighter sentence but you will not receive immunity due to the length of time that you withheld the info and your motivation for reporting it. She won't get half of anything because both of you will have all of your assests seized.
No you should not don't be a dick. She told you because she trusted you at the time don't be so callous coz what goes aroung comes around. Come to a private agreement with her and I hope the pistol fires blanks.
By the way you are an accessory after the fact, the police may even charge you so beware what you wish for .
when you both have lawyers tell her attorney you can prove fraud. 250000 is grand larceny and she would be lookin at about 10yrs jailtime. she wont go after ur stuff-believe me.There is no statute limiting or mitigating felonious embezzlement.Tell her attorney she simply cannot enjoy your money while in federal prison.
even if she did sign the pre-nup, she would still get half because by you saying the 22 yr old is a pistol in bed it goes to say you have committed adultery which would take the pre-nup and make it basically void.
be a man for goodness sake not a heartless a-hole
oh so for a easy divorce you want to toss her in jail ....
no matter where she lives hun your not getting everything ...
you cheated .....
you therefore ......would have made any prenuptial invalid ..
Best of luck cutting your house in two
OH yeah did I forget to mention .......your now a partner in crime for not reporting it before marriage ..
have fun with your cell mates
I don't think there is a statute of limitations on a federal offense, bank robbery is a federal offense is it not? I would tell the FBI and to hell with her. I could no sooner share a bed with a thief as i could a dog.
Are you really serious... WOW.. Do you realize, you admitted to with holding evidence in a felony crime? Now U want to use against your wife? Really.... Do you know U can get in as much trouble as her, just for hanging onto to that, and what ur planning on using it for is considered BLACMAIL ?? Stop, Drop, and THINK!!! Your using the wrong head!!!
you will have to say you have just recently came across the information, then it's your word against hers and she is a known thief. No statue of limitations, a fedral crime. Tell her lawyer and your money is safe.
Cant you just be happy with your new bit of stuff? This poor woman, you cheat on her, and this isn't enough? Instead of just doing the right thing you want to destroy her life????
Just get the divorce, and move on.
Thats very low down.You shoudnt snitch on your wife!You are married and she should get half of everything.Your should be ashamed and if your not then you are a boy not a man.A man would never treat a woman like that.
no you should not report her,just to get back at her.that is wrong.she regrets what she did and told you this in good faith.let her start a new life and you get on with yours.
So basically you are going to stitch up your wife to get out of the marriage cos you've met a younger model? Classy
WTF, to be honest u r really a jerk! when ur wife gets into trouble u not only opt out but do cradle snatching as well. she was honest to u, u knew it and u still married her then u get out at the first sign of trouble?! what happened through going through the thick and thin of life with ur wife. u r not even fit to be with either women. safeguard my ***, young wives are not necessarily good things coz u'll be a bald perverted old man b4 u noe it.
This is a total disconnect. What does her past, a pre-nup, and how things stand now have anything to do with each other? It sounds like you want to blackmail her (which is also a crime, in case you haven't caught on to that yet). If that's the case, it makes you a bigger slimeball than she will ever be on her worst day.
No, don't report her - what would really be served several years down the road? And yes there is a statute of limitations which varies with each state, but it likely is shorter than 10 years. If you do report her, and it is shown that you knew about this before the limitations ran out, I believe it makes you an accessory (also a crime, Einstein).
Let's see, a 22-year-old, a great figure, and a pistol in bed. Sounds like a match made in heaven, who will likely break your heart. You should let us know when you start thinking with your OTHER head - the one just above your neck.
Why now, why didn't you report her when she first told you. The best thing that came out of this for her is you are no longer in her life. You don't sound like a very nice person. Black mail is also a crime and so is knowing about a crime and not reporting it. But, you will get yours from the 22 year old when she cheats on you and leave you for someone her own age. It's called pay back, it's a b**ch.
You did not report the fraud when it happened..Were you not party to it, directly or indirectly...At least you hid it when it suited you and now for your other motive you want to report to authority..If you were so law-abiding you should have done it when you came to know it...Not now for depriving her the alimony...Put yourself in her shoes and think afresh...You are not trustworthy...Tell your new Friend that this is your nature and then see whether she trusts you or not...Then decide what to do...
you know what?
you should tell the police....
then you go and have a happy life with that 22 year old you have met!
You Deserve some fun after keeping that secret bottled up.
so..... enjoy yourself!
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