I love my wife...need advice?

I love my wife and we have been married for 2 and a half yrs. We now have a baby boy on the way and there is nothing that I won't do for him. I have been struggling with my relationship. My wife has insecurity/controlling issues. She has gotten a little better of time but still very hard to live with. I went from a life to having a lot of friends to about 2. I feel like I have given up a big part of my life because we can't do anything apart. The other day she thought I had a gf because I was on yahoo answers looking at a girl who asked which hair style was better. Then she got into my emails but forgot my password so she reset it and I couldn't get in. She laughes it off and says well i thought you were talking to girls so i needed to see it...Instead of asking me. The next morning she says she has a dream that i had sex with a girl named sarah. My wife has always had insecurity and we have been to counseling but everything just goes back to the same ol thing. I have warned her that she is pushing me away because I can't live my life with her never letting me do some of the things i want...I like alone time every once in a while. Not only that i cant live with these insecurities. I have warned her for the last time that i would leave if she didn't change...but i dont want to change her...I want her to want to change if you know what i mean... But she tries to justify her reasoning like its ok. Maybe I am the one wrong here, but I will do whatever to try and save my marriage. I just feel unhappy when I have to fight with her to workout or go to my friends by myself, or even argue that i would never cheat or be with anyone else when I go somewhere by myself. She hates to be away from me. Please give whatever advice you can and if you need more info let me know...THANKSI love my wife...need advice?
Your wife needs to trust you and she has no right to snoop or to change your e-mail passwords or to read your e-mail. If she doesn't trust you, she shouldn't be married to you. Show her this.





But really, it all boils down to fear and insecurity on her part. She's afraid of losing you, she doesn't trust herself to ';be enough'; to ';keep you'; and she's trying to prevent you leaving by snooping in all your stuff to find problems before they occur, if that makes any sense.





So, you can help by reassuring her (say ';I love you Babe, I will never leave you';) but also by setting firm boundaries, like you seem to be trying to do. Tell her, ';it is NOT okay for you to snoop in my e-mail, or to change my passwords';.





Until she recognizes what it is she fears, and learns to overcome that fear (and I think it's the fear of losing you) she will not change. Make her understand that nothing in this life is a ';given'; and that her actions will drive you away and make her fear come to pass. You wouldn't have left of your own accord, but if she doesn't quit acting crazy you WILL leave and it will be because of her actions.





I hope this helps. Make her read this.I love my wife...need advice?
She needs HELP. This is not normal behavior, she sounds very controlling and insecure. Have you cheated? did she have bad past relationships?





You know having a baby will make things worse, her hormones are out of whack. You should have waited till you sorted out your problems.
what have you done in the past to make her distrust you? it was something... ive been through it
You sound like a great guy. And i can tell you i honestly used to do the same things she does ....when i was sixteen. You just really need to put your foot down, nicely though. Dont just tell her that shes beautiful, come up with different ways to say it, or different things about her that you find beautiful. Maybe even leave for a day or two, and when you come back tell her that if she has the insecurity issues then you just cant stay. She has to see that there is more to life, and that if you were going anywhere then you would already be gone. Also just be COMPLEATLY open with her, let her read your stuff, look through your stuff even though you shouldnt have to let her do that, it just shows that you have nothing to hide. Tell her your going out, tell her exactly where you will be and maybe call her when you get there or when you leave, i know it sounds like alot for you to do but if you plan on staying with her and dont want to be miserable your going to have to do those things. but SHE NEEDS TO GROW UP! im sure shes beautiful, but she needs to realize that theres more to life, and maybe find a hobby or hang out with friends so she gets off your back
Your wife has emotional and trust issues. I suggest you talk with her obgyn Dr about the way she is acting. It is not normal and could be a danger to your baby. Her mental health is a big concern to me as well. She does not own you and you are not her slave. Her attempt to have you by her side 24/7 is unhealthy for both of you. If I were you I sure would be more careful and not be looking at any girl on your computer. That will for sure just add to her insecurities. I hope you talk openly with her Dr, with her in the room and let him know you may leave the marriage because of the bizarre behavior from your wife. Dr's have an amazing network of people who can help if your wife is willing to do so. I feel bad for you and hope you can save your marriage so your little boy can have a good home with both parents.
Wow. thats kind of a hard situation to be in.





Well normally i would tell people to use communication but it seems like you are a good husband and have already spoken to her.





Some women unfortunately are very jealous and controlling and thats kind of scary if you ask me because its kind of like in spanish soap opera/telenovelas ';if your not for me you will not be for anyone.';





All i can recommend is that you try again. until she gets it..





Sit with her and say i love you seriously i do and im a big enough man to never ever do something to hurt you..like cheating..I love you and im so glad that i get to raise a child with you.. But i hate this whole thing. this whole jealousy thing is just making me not want to be in this. This just makes me angry and pushes away the love that i have for you. If you love me you gotta trust that i will never hurt you. I love you and our child and i would never let anyone get in the way of it. The only person that will get in the way is you if you keep nagging me about things i would NEVER do. Please understand and try your hardest to not be jealous all the time.





I guess if that doesnt work.. Sorry but you should have chose better . I dont mean to be a ***** but you kind of knew what you were getting into. im sure she has been the jealous type the whole time you have been dating and married to her.. jealous people are just jealous all their life or most of it.





thats why its really crucial that you really take the time to get to know a person and pick up on RED FLAGS when you are dating.. so you do not bring a child into a not so good mommy and daddy relationship.. If talking does not work..i doubt anything will..since you said youve tried the counseling..thats just how she is.. sorry. hope it all works out and congrats on the baby
Mk I totally understand where your coming from. I can see that you want to be a good father and husband so I suggest that you have a SERIOUS talk one that has to get through her head. Here's the two things I go by ';IF YOUR PARTNER DOESN'T RESPECT YOU THEY DON'T TRUST YOU'; %26amp; ';NO TRUST NO LOVE'; Suffocating your partner doesn't make you closer it only pushes one away. She needs to understand that you love her very much and your commited all the way and your not going anywhere. Just talk to her, no yelling or arguing. Its best to talk in a calm enviroment.
You cant live the rest of your life this way because you will end up regretting marring her. Have you ever cheated on her, does she have a reason to feel so scared for you to be somewhere besides with her. if you have then you will need to work though what happened then and how y'all will get past it. If this is just her insecurities then you are going to have to let her know that you cant live this way and you don't want to stay married to someone that cant trust you. Maybe offer to go with her for some therapy if you want this to work. But you have to have your own space or the marriage with be a regret.
Have you lied to her in the past, where she doesn't trust you? If not maybe she needs counseling.
Pregnant women are very insecure and you need to be sensitive to that. She feels unattractive and you looking at some girl's hairstyles is not only really bizarre by the way, but insensitive. She wants you to be looking at her not some random girl. Instead of surfing around on Answers why don't you try making popcorn and watching a movie with your wife, one that she wants to watch. Give her a massage and tell her how nice her skin looks when she's pregnant. Put in real effort if you want real results. She's stuck carrying your child around and you want to go off to the gym and hang out with friends without her. I feel bad for her. When you get married you cannot maintain the same life as when you were single, it's impossible. Marriage is about sacrificing what ';I'; want for what ';We'; want. Unselfish love.
Did something happen in her past to make her act this way? You might want to talk to her about it or take her to a counselor? If she doesn't figure out her own issues, this will keep on happening.
I sympathize with you and I admire your patience for wanting to make your marriage work. I think your wife may have insecurity and control issues. Partners must allow each other to thrive in a relationship instead of suffocating the other just to satisfy oneself. Just like a bird when you hold it too tight in your hand, it will die. You said you will do what it takes to save your marriage. As her husband, you have to find out the root cause of her insecurity and help her get over it. This way you are showing your wife that you are willing to provide her the love, stability and security that she needs especially now that you are about to have a child together. Let her know know that the success of your marriage is very important to you and you depend on her to do her part to make this happen. A wife wants to hear how much her husband needs and loves her. She also wants to make sure that her husband belongs only to her.





It's not going to be easy but you can begin by compromising. Compromising leads to union and understanding and it causes your partner to react in the same way. It is based on mutual concessions where each lives inside the other and fulfills the other. A marriage gets ruined because it is not based on this elementary rule of a relationship.





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If you feel you have no freedom now, you are in for a rough ride once the baby comes. You say you have only two friends? Two friends is not a bad number. Possibly your lifestyle has to change because you are now part of a family.





That being said, having to fight with her to go workout or spend a couple hours with a friend is not normal. But, not knowing your history, nobody can reasonably comment on it. Have you ever done anything to cause her to mistrust you? (looking at pics of a girl to simply decide on a hairstyle is not exactly being honest is it?) Do you act loving and affectionate to her and take her out and treat her like a woman sometimes?





All relationships are give and take. If she is excessively jealous due to no cause of yours, simply tell her to get counseling for it or the fights will escalate.





Keep in mind that she is pregnant and hormones are acting up....also she may not be feeling very beautiful at the moment.
i'm very sorry. i do understand this. bottomline, nothing you say or do can give her peace of mind. she has to do it herself. it is all an inside job, but in the meantime, she is maybe chancing losing a really wonderful man in her life. nobody likes to be kept on a chain, especially if you did nothing to deserve this jealousy. it really isn't ok to make someone feel caged, and when you can't spend time alone, that is just downright wrong.





i think you will just have to get your belly full. she won't change unless she knows how big of a problem it really is.
My husband was insecure too. He still is to a point but not as bad as he use to be. It was OK for him to go and come but if I wasn't at home when he got home he would be calling my cell. Asking me where I was and when would I be home. If I was at Wal-Mart when he called me he'd be like what are you doing there? It does get old. One day I just got so tired of it that I just started to do what I wanted and when I wanted. If he got mad too bad. I work overnight on the weekends and when I got home the next morning he was never there. I'm talking 7:30am. I started calling him asking him the same questions he would ask me and he started to get annoyed by it. I told him well that's what you do to me. Even our daughter would get so mad that he'd called like that because alot of the time she was with me. Made no sense. I say tell her up front that when your ready to go to your friends you'll tell her where your going but you won't ask. Your a grown man and if she's insecure then tell her that that's a problem she needs to work out herself. And when she ready to do that then you will be glad to help. But your not going to keep trying to please her when she's making you unhappy. All you want are some friends. All she wants is you attached to her hip.
Im sorry just show her don't hide nothing and eventually she will realize you only love her
tell her this:


honey why are you worried???


if i want to have sex ';cheating'; with another woman,i will because i CAN do it.BUT i WON'T because i DON'T WANT TO.


why would any one cheat ??? because they are UNHAPPY with their wives .


so make me happy by TRUSTING ME.


good luck brother
well you need to sit her down and talk to her and explain to her that you are TIRED and that you don't want the baby that is on the way to be around a negative environment, that you don't want to raise a child that is gonna be around a mommy and daddy who are fighting over insecurities that your wife has over things that aren't happening.


She needs to give you a break and if she doesn't...well all you can do is be a good dad and follow your heart


good luck
It's a tough one. I was very insecure about my husband, we've been married for 5 years, no kids yet. I use to get jealous a lot, we used to fight a lot, then we would come to an agreement that sometimes he would really flirt with waitresses, or bank teller, or in the mall. And sometimes I over reacted because I knew he was going to do that. But now as we are getting older and mature things are getting better. Hang in there, try not to give each other ultimatums, that will just make things worse.