Military Wife Needs advice on how to deal with awkward social situations?

My husband and I get invited to a lot of parties and outings with the people he works with and their wives/gfs. If I am not drinking (which now I can't do b/c of medication) then the whole time I feel totally awkward and left out, because I am new here and all the other girls know each other and are very outgoing- they drink, get loud and have a great time. And all the men get together and talk shop so last night my husband was gone from me pretty much the whole night. It's not that I expect him to stay glued to my side the entire time, but because I don't really feel that comfortable with any one person there, at times it felt like I was at this party (for HIS friends and co-workers!!!) by myself. I was bored, upset, and flustered. I felt like a complete idiot sitting there by myself for hours and hours while everyone else played drinking games and talked about stuff I didnt know about. All I wanted was to go home, but i didn't say anything.





I have always been kind of shy since I was a child. It was then that I had ';friends'; that abused me (think the movie ';Mean Girls'; only WORSE) and then in middle school I was barked at (yes as in like a dog), and then my mom put me in another school district, and there I was harassed so mercilessly that I ended up graduating and leaving 1 year early. So though High school was like 10 years ago, I apparently still have a deeply rooted fear/distrust of people, and often an overwhelming fear that I will look stupid or that people won't like me (because I was ';myself'; before, never bothered anyone, and look what it got me). So that causes me to appear to be a little aloof in social situations, while on the inside, my emotions are boiling just beneath the surface.





My husband does not understand why I don't just jump in and join in on the fun, and feels that my boredom is basically my fault for not talking to the other wives. Whenever I say it's because ';I'm just shy'; he will say ';I used to be shy too, you gotta want to fix it'; or ';High school was a long time ago'; or something like that. And that frustrates me, because I'd like nothing more than to just flip a switch and ';be normal'; but the fact is no matter how I want it, in 10 years I have yet to make that happen. It's not that I want to be this way! It's all very overstimulating, scary and I have no idea of how to turn off those feelings and just have fun. It's wierd, it almost feels like there is a disconnect between me and other people, or a glass wall. The only persons I've ever felt truly connected to in my life are my immediate family and my husband. Not sure what to do.Military Wife Needs advice on how to deal with awkward social situations?
I can say I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I too am a military wife. I graduated early so I could work to pay for my wedding and then got married and moved away from all family and friends (cant say I ever had mean friends though). When I got here my husband was a pretty big drinker, and his friends have parties all the time. So that's where we were every Friday night. I am not a very sociable person when Im in a crowd, but get with me one on one, and we can be best friends by the next day. So I was the one sitting on the couch, pretty much waiting to leave. I also don't drink, so that set me even further apart from everyone else. I just kept going to the parties with him, and meeting his friends and their spouses/ girlfriends out to eat and other occasions. Eventually I learned to put myself out there, not too much though. Joining in on beer pong (but making someone else drink your cups) and playing poker are usually my ways of blending in. The best thing to do is start getting to know people a few at a time, and then you are sure to feel more comfortable eventually. Group dates or just a night out with ';the guys';. Good Luck on everything.Military Wife Needs advice on how to deal with awkward social situations?
well for one are you 'on base',there must be someone you can trust?
I see two possible problems here. One may be you and the other may be the crowd that you're in. Why don't you try getting to know some of the wives on an individual basis. Go to lunch or something so that you get to know at least a few of them. On the other hand, you said that they drink and get loud. It's hard for a sober person to enjoy this. Most sober people cannot stand to stay around a bunch that are intoxicated. For instance, an alcoholic in recovery must let go of all the old drinking buddies to be successful. They are a trigger. If they are drinking to a large extent, I can see why you can't enjoy their humor. Sit down and ask yourself if it's you or the crowd that is the problem?
Some people will understand what your describing and some will read maybe read the 1st paragraph and move on without comment. Not everyone fits into the social mold. Not everyone drinks. You are admired in my opinion for not fitting into this social freenzy. Be yourself but drop the croud and just say no. Do the things you enjoy doing with your husband and tell him that it's ok if the two of you are together walking in parks, trails, visiting cities, or malls together. Try going to church and at least that will be of some influence away from the non-normal scene. And, don't beat yourself up for having principles that are different from other people. You're wise, not shy. I and my wife stopped going to social gatherings many years ago and we don't miss them and the people surely don't give it any thought at all, they just know that we are the best of friends and enjoy our private time aways from work.
I have the same problems I have to wonder if you could be suffering from depression. If your not sure what to do then may be go see a doctor and tell tghe doctor what you said here.