We just transferred to Europe, and my husband is the Doc for a pretty big battalion over here. His PA that works for him is a big douche bag, and I can not stand his wife. I was prior enlisted when I was in the Air Force, and so was my husband before he became an officer. They are always talking trash about enlisted people, and are so snobby! I have tried to make friends with the other army wives, but they all have kids, and we really don't have anything in common except for the fact that our husbands are in the Army. I go to school full time, and have 2 dogs. I have made friends with the locals, and am really settling in. I have given it a fair shot by hanging out with her a couple times to make sure that we were not compatible friends, and been avoiding her emails. The problem is that they have been here for 3 years, and will be here another 3 until we are due for another transfer. They are established with in the community. I am scared that if I am honest with her, it will affect any future relationships here, and make my husbands professional relationship here very uneasy? Should I just suck it up, and not say anything?Army Wife Needs advice?
Why do you feel the need to tell her that you don't like her? Cant you just put your best face forward when you are around her? Refuse to talk down about enlisted soldiers as most are the backbone of the military and a lot of them have college educations too.
I dont know why officers always think they are so special...the best officers are ALWAYS the ones who were at one time enlisted and chose to change over.
Be a lady, be polite. You're very obviously a better person then she, you dont need to play her game, join her conversations or even hang out with her, but by being polite you will shine above her.Army Wife Needs advice?
';Honest with her';? Yes, you should just keep your mouth shut. Having been in the Air Force, you should know by now that you're going to run into people you don't like. Deal with it.
Once a douche, always a douche.
If you don't tell her, nobody else will. At least if she knows you're both prior enlisted she'll shut her trap while you're around.
You're in a tough spot. I understand how you feel, but kind of the opposite... My husband is enlisted (though educated), and my father was an officer. I can't stand when enlisted wives talk about ';officer's wives'; so stereotypically! They might as well be saying, ';Your mom...';
My husband is a chaplain assistant, so there are many functions that we attend where we may be one of the few enlisted, surrounded by officers. Maybe you can let her know that you feel like the derogatory comments about enlisted members is divisive, and you are very much in support of a more unified approach in casual conversation. As far as her personality in general, I probably wouldn't say anything unless she asked directly. Why cause waves when you don't have to? Politely find reasons to brush her invitations off. ';Sorry, I have an appointment scheduled for that day,'; is always perfect. You don't have to disclose what your appointment is- even if it's an appointment to take a nap!
If she asks though, I think then you have the right and the obligation to be up front and honest with her. Since she has some pull in the community, choose your words carefully and tactfully. Let her know that you aren't interested in having a close friendship, but that you will be seeing her around.
I doubt it would have too much affect on your hubby's professional life. Men have a tendency to say that it's just ';women'; and move on without grudges. My husband could care less whether I like a Chaplain's wife. He doesn't work with the wife. Now if you said something to the PA, that might be an issue!
GOOD LUCK!
O, the women who have no lives and wear their ranks. They make all the dependents look bad. Although most wives are very nice people who live their own lives, there is always the few that just stink up the bunch. I think you have been very diplomatic and professional dealing with her. However, now might be the time to tell her you are not comfortable associating with women like her. Tell her flat out you do not appreciate her trivial-mindedness and ignorance towards other people. Also, make sure she knows that you are prior military. She won’t buck you so hard. You are no fool and you have done your time. You have more to you than your husband’s rank.
I see your dilemma, my advice would be to kill her with kindness but at the same time letting her know that you don't appreciate her comments about enlisted. You didn't mention if she was prior service, if she isn't....then you could tell her nicely to keep her comments to herself seeing as how she chose NOT to serve her country. Be prepared that some people are ignorant and so set in their ways that they're not open to change. Wish you the best of luck.
I had a similar isolated experience.
I am 25 years old and in Graduate school. I was in class one the first day of one semester. One woman there was running her mouth about “enlisted wives are lazy, don’t do anything but get married at 18 and are uneducated like their husbands”. Well I piped in and asked her if she was married to a Marine? She said yes; she is married to a young officer.
I then flat out told her to her face I am married to a Gunnery Sergeant (E7) in the USMC and didn’t get married till I was 24 and he was 34, after I earned my BA. I guess I don’t fit into her stereotype. I told her this is an educational environment that fosters learning and open minded discussion; not a Key Wives meeting to drop your husband’s rank. She then tried to defend herself poorly, where I countered her again. I told her she was an embarrassment to military wives and she was the reason why stereotypes and bitterness can run rampant amongst the ranks. Also, why civilians get a poor view of military wives when there are women like you running your disrespectful mouth.
I never regretted attacking that *****. I also ended the semester with a GPA higher than her; she barely passed the course. I honestly think we should foster a respect and openness amongst each other. I hate the rank dropping and I hate the stereotypes. If you truly have an issue with her, you should counter her and tell her about her disrespectful actions. You are prior service and have experience on both sides of the spectrum; your opinion is valued and important. I personally feel women, like the women you are having problems with, have nothing to define themselves in this world but their husbands rank. You have accomplished more in your life than “just getting married”, she probably hasn’t. Hence her desire to talk down to other women. Good luck with the situation. I think she should know her actions are completely ridiculous and you do not want to associate with women of her caliber. I hate the meanness some women think they can lay out on other women for petty reasons (like, husbands rank).
I also know not all officer wives are this snobby. I didn’t want to become a stereotyping shrew like her.
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