I would have her ch4ecked out at the hospital and make sure she doesn;t have any diseases and then kick the ****** out.Just caught wife having Affair- Advice Appreciated?
hmm in her mind maybe it was okto go sleep with another guy.ouch, that hurts,don't think about what happened and how many times,you'll drive yourself crazy!Id kick the ****** out too, you can't trust a person that lied to your face about cheating,it's not worth it.Think about your well being.
Report Abuse
Hire a Private investigator to get all the evidence you will need in court, I would hire a divorce attorney at the same time and get his advice as well
An affair is an affair. Of course the one caught always says they're sorry. And the fling really wasn't really much. And they felt unloved. What are they gonna say- ';got to wondering what sex would be like with(fill in specific slime ball) so I banged a few other guys.'; I doubt you can fix this. It might be different if she'd ended the affair, confessed, and asked forgiveness. But, in this case, she just got caught. Be honest. Can you truly see yourself trusting her again? Can you truly forgive? Can you get rid of the mental images in your mind?
oh boy,... that hurts, I know. First of all, dont go do what she did, that would probably make you feel worse. Maybe she really is sorry for doing that.Ask her what made her do it to begin with. I know that its really hard to forgive someone for doing this, but you need to try if shes really sorry. See how things go for awhile, you'll know in your heart if shes really sincere or not. Good luck!
I think that give her the boot and each see your kids equally.
Of it was just a fling that would be different but she was telling the other guy about her family, which is wrong! The things she said about you in the emails says something totally different, she was putting you down and everything so obviously she doesn't care for your campanionship only your support.
If you want to handle this then you can see a marriage counselor.
It is for sure that no two words, ';I do';, have brought more hope and happiness. Yet at the root of all the commotion are secrets and dishonesty -- undermining one of our most important institutions.
There are many places and ways that you can go about getting counseling.
Don't cheat just to get even - will only make it worse.
find someone who will appreciate you and be loyal to you
Don't just cheat to get back at her! It is childish and will only cause more trouble. But if she will not own up to her actions and be fully honest with you then she is not doing her part to fix this. Counselling is probably in your best interest as it will drag everything out in the open where it can be dealt with in a mature manner.
Just remember that your kids are what matters most and that no matter what she is their mother and the two of you are their whole world. Be careful how you behave for their sake.
Hi
i hope that you can find the path that you are looking for
i too had a huge gambling problem and i have blown a lot of money and had a huge fight with my wife as well.
BUT!!!
we have stayed loyal for a 6 weeks separation and now we are back together she has been faithful and i have been faithful.
the most important thing is that you actually need to go and see counselling, everyone makes a mistake in life. Could be gambling, cheating or even lust with the opposite sex.
now you have to think clear about what YOU actually want:
1, do you want to take her back and give it a try for the kids sake
2, get ride of her and hold on to the kids
3, see counselling and see if it is worth working out.
its all up to YOU what you want to do, really mate i know its very hard and i know you are so confused i was as well but you need to find yourself and tell her to find herself and see what happens there.
i also have grown up in a broken family where my dad left my mum and its the worst thing that any KID can go through.
be honest with yourself and make sure that's what YOU want at the end.
good luck mate and i hope that you can find the answer in YOUR self
Musty118
man i'm right there with you. i have had some doubts about my situation . i recently moved out because of some issues and it hurts. but the one thing ive realized is that it hurts a little less each day.if you can prove this in court you might get custody of the kids (it'll be hard) but you need to believe you can go on without her. you will have to be a strong person to trust her again if that is what you choose, but probably not the healthiest thing to do for you. the kids are important but you have to be the person you wanna be to be a good dad. if there is resentment there then your kids are gonna feel it too. good luck
move on as it will never workout keep it civil and look oafter your kids
It sounds like you need to move on. Even though there are children involved and that is extremely hard on everyone, you also have to remember that she is being selfish and not thinking about you or her kids. She is being irresponsible and not remembering where her home truly lies. If she were thinking about anyone but herself, she would have been responsible enough to talk to you about this when it started happening. If she say she wants to stay together, get professional help and see if that is really what you should do. If she really wanted to stay together, she would have come forward with her cheating and not had you find out the hard way. Honesty is a hard thing to do, but when you truly love someone, you have to do the right thing.
Just be done with her. Trust is everything. What is a relationship w/o trust. You will always have the doubt in the back of your head wandering what she is doing, why she is home late...etc. I know it sucks, but if i were you, i'd just be done.
Wow, Arron. First of all I'm very sorry that you and your children have to go through this. She obviously is not putting her children at the top of her list of priorities. Nor her marriage. Will you ever be able to forgive her and trust her? If not, don't stay with her because if you can't get past this then it will fester over the years and lead to resentment.....and possibly hatred for her. Your children deserve better and so do you. If she can only think of her own needs and not consider those of her family, then she has some issues she needs to deal with. Apparently she didn't realize when she became a mother that her needs don't come first anymore, such as it is when you become a parent. Again, I'm sorry.....and wish you all the very best.
Tell her to tell you the truth then you will know if she is telling you the truth honestly do the same as she did to you and call it even if you feel more happen then always go with your insist.,
Kick her out. Once trust is lost in a relationship, there is no point continuing it. You will always have that doubt and it will eat at you. Make sure she is the one leaving the house. In most states the one that leaves will have the most trouble in the court room. I've seen it happen.
Ugh - I had a similar experience with my now ex...
I found her pursuing a former bf, who was in prison at the time... and I know for a fact she cheated very early on in our relationship. I also suspect she was cheating near the end, as she got engaged within months of us parting company, then pregnant and married...
Anyway - your wife has broken trust in her. And she's the one who needs to address this. She needs to be completely honest with you about what she has been doing, and why. Then you need to decide if you can forgive her, and if you want to.
Many couples stay together for the sake of the children. You may want to do that, its certainly healthier for the children, unless the two of you hate each other and fight a lot.
As far as what she was doing - there was an interesting study done some years ago about women and infidelity. It found that women want to things - a good reliable, financially secure male to help in raising children, and a passionate, wild romance with a lover... often these two do not match up... the result being that in the US at least, some 10% of men are raising children who are not their own... they are the product of an affair.
You two could certainly go for the old standby - stay together for the kids, whilst pursuing romantic relations with others. However, I wouldn't do this out of revenge on your part. It sounds like she might not care, and if a divorce becomes the only solution - proof of her infidelity, and proof or your loyalty to the marriage will serve you well in court.
I wish you all the best.
-dh
Only u can decide to stay or leave... U could give her a second chance but U will never be able to trust her again ..can u live with that ?
You are in a jam because the 3 children need a mother and a father. You will need to think about what is best for the children. That requires that you put aside your rightfully hurt feelings.
Perhaps you 2 will have to live like roommates until the children are grown. At least they have a mom and dad in the home.
Don't expect to ever fully trust her again. But try not to hurt your kids.
the trust will never come back .,without that there is no chance for you and her.at every turn you and her will fight and the kids will see this ,what will it tell them . i feel it is best for all to cut your lose. i am sorry to tell u this and i hope you can find peace
wow thats rough buddy.I dont know about you but I couldnt be married to someone I didnt completely trust and straight out lied to my face.If I was you I would hunt down the other guy and beat the sh*t out of him
The trust is broken. It is not yours to fix. If she doesn't prove herself, or make any, and all attempts to seek counseling, or whatever it takes, to make the marriage work, dump her. Save your self allot of pain and start taking steps to protect what is yours and in the best interests of your children. Cancel all your joint credit cards, accounts......pay them up and then cancel all of them. If she runs again, let her go and have a good attorney on retainer. Look out for your children and your self.
I don't think that doing what your wife did, will solve anything. At this point she's not the major concern, the kids are the major concern, what are you going to do with your children? I think that you have to take a long talk with your wife to what she wants from life? And take it to counseling if necessary, but I really suggest to try to overcome this situation for the kids sake, it's awful to grow up with out your both parents~Please try and think things over, I know it's easier said than done but you have to overcome, God will give you the strengh you need to over come this hard episode of your life and don't blame yourself that you sound like a very good man, and sometimes these are just stones in our way we have to kick to the side. My best wishes to you and your family~
due to her hiding the truth, and u having to find out on your own, don't think she can ever be truthful, think she planned to keep seeing him, and use u to take care of other things. don't do to her what she did to you, you would just be stooping to her level, and it would hurt your self worth in the process. you have children and sometimes divorce would also mean alot of problems for u financially speaking. ask her to go to therapy, with u. make some changes in the relationship, it will be hard to forget it, u may never be able to. know that your marriage may never feel the same. know that this is a problem with in herself and has noting to do with who u are. get counseling first, than if it doesn't work u will have to look at the situation again and make a decision. absolute honesty is important right now, need alot of communication, so u can voice your hurt, she needs to know u won't be able to go right back into the trust u once had for her, that it will take time, and will all be determined by her actions.
I think you need far better advice than you can get from a place like this.
I'd recommend both of you going to a counselor and seeing if you can work things out... they are trained to do this stuff and see it all the time and will do a far better job of helping both of you determine what is best for you and your kids.
Being faithful is one of the most important aspects of any relationship and key to marriage she has destroyed your trust
and the family if she has done this once she has no problem doing it again depending on your job status and such I would consider taking a seperation from each other right now just to get a grip on the situation. You must consider what she has done and it sounds like she has not alot of love for you anymore. Divorce may be in the future but consider staying with a friend
and getting some counselling sessions set-up together to discuss why she may have done this and the reason. God Bless and Good luck.
You are understandably hurt and the trust is gone. I would suggest some counseling and hopefully she's receptive to that. Don't just take her word for anything. She's proven herself to be dishonest. If you're willing to work it out, it's up to her to PROVE to you she's done acting like a ho. Don't settle for less. Unfortunately, your kids along with you, are going to be the ones that will suffer for her indiscretion. I hope she's a better person than she sounds.
Its over, trust is everything, she'll keep it up since she feels you'll keep taking her back. Get a good lawyer since its her doing the cheating you'll make out better in the divorce
She forgave your mistakes in the past, you should forgive hers. Don't leave your family because of this. She wants to work it out, go get counselling together, it works. Maybe she was unconsciously doing this to get ';even'; with you for your gambling. Women have affairs out of resentment a lot, it's not always sexual. She is probably glad you found out. Don't leave unless you absolutely can't fix it. Think about your family! It might not seem like it now, but you can get your marriage back. Good luck.
Be strong. First I would go over your finances. Make sure that she is contributing her fair half to all your combined bills. Second any money that is left over from your paycheck you start putting in your own private acct. She needs to learn to live within her means if she's going to pull this crap. Next demand access to every email account including inviting your to her work to go through her email there, voice mail and cell phone. Then since it sounds like she works with this guy have her file have her meet with HR with you to see what if any harassment charges can be filed. Next have her find a new job. Then tell her that this is just the beginning to repair the damage she has done. Finally you both need to start seeing a counselor.
No comments:
Post a Comment