New military wife needs advice on how to deal w/an awkward social situation w/her hubby's coworkers...?

Last night my husband said we were having dinner w/his coworker and his wife. I got all excited thinking she was a civilian like me. Turns out, all three of them are Army and work for the same company.





They talked shop for 40 min. straight. It was nearly impossible to join in because they were saying things like,





';Remember that R-57 we did back in September? Yeah, Lt. Johnson was doing his Jane thing on the way back to HQ and Sgt. Robert is like, ';HEY, why didn't you say good morning to me?';





Then they'd all burst into laughter. I just sat there smiling dumbly.





How should i have handled this? I thought about changing the topic, but honestly, they barely came up or paused for breath.New military wife needs advice on how to deal w/an awkward social situation w/her hubby's coworkers...?
You'll get used to it. When my husband and I first got married I had no idea what anyone said to me for 6 months. It was damn near impossible to find anything on post because everyone spoke in acronyms.





One night my husband asked if we could have his Sergeant and wife over for dinner so I cooked a meal etc and they came over and same thing, they'd been married for 6-7 years so for my husband, his Sergeant and wife the conversation was normal to talk shop about military life. For me I felt very left out.





Later, after they had left I explained to my husband that I didn't know what was going on with the conversations and he told me he didn't realize and apologized.





He bought me a copy of ';Married to the Military,'; which was immensely useful for learning rank structure, acronyms, what to expect up on post, how to manage with TriCare etc.





You could try talking to your husband by explaining to him how you felt about the dinner. It could be he doesn't realize what has happened. Good luck to you and Hooah!New military wife needs advice on how to deal w/an awkward social situation w/her hubby's coworkers...?
I just wouldn't go hang out again. You won't be able to change the conversation topic when they are talking shop. Most families are not dual military so next time will probably not be the same. It is always nice when the girls can talk and then the guys talk about work. So next time just ask your husband about the wife before hand.
I have so been there.


If I have this right, you felt left out because they were talking about events they were involved in and you weren't?





Interject - say ';OK, I know you all are going to laugh but I have no idea WHAT you are talking about, wanna clue me into the joke?'; and do it nicely and with a smile.





Talk to your husband about his day, go take AFTB classes and learn the army life, have more dinners and eventually the four of you will have jokes.
Frirst, your husband should have noticed you were uncomfortable and should have tried to change the subject. You should definitely sit him down and let him know how you felt. My hubby is the same way. He's an air traffic controller and when he chats about his job with his coworkers to me it sounds like a different language. Suggest doing a double date with somone whose spouse is a civilian. I wish you the best of luck.
Learn the abbrevations.....ask what goes on.....Then again. you can also say......';Well if ya'll are gonna talk shop I am gonna read a book or check email or whatever'; They will get it and they won't be offended.





As a military wife it will be MUCH easier if you grow a thick skin, learn the lingo and BE GLAD HE IS HERE AND NOT IN THE SANDBOX.
I don't have that problem, my DH cannot talk about work outside of the building. Gotta Love National Security postings...





Next time, firmly but politely put a moratorium on 'shop talk'. do not permit it, period. if they can't carry on a conversation not about work, then well, they need to get out more...heheheh
lol, I'm preparing for when I have to deal with that because I new military wife as well. I'd talk to him about it...let it know it makes you feel awkward. I'm sure they weren't TRYING to leave you out.
Max has a good point.





It is nice to all be together, but they have to understand that you are not in the military and save that talk.
Talk to your husband and let him know about this, he may not even realize he does this.
We have a rule when we get together with others socially.... 15 minutes of ';shop talk'; to get it out of their systems and then it's over!! All other talk must be about anything but work and the base.





First, we're out to have a night out and to enjoy ourselves. Second, they're our friends because they're great people, not just because they are in the same squadron or they are military. Third, even they need to get away from work. The friends you can talk to about everything and anything... those are the friends that will last the career.





Next time... be strong. It's your house, set the rules! (And you can laugh about it as you doing it, but then let them know ';hey guys, times up! So, what do you think about..... (whatever is in the news)? What kind of music should we listen to tonight? Did you catch the new movie??


You get the idea! :)





Good luck!
OK....just so you know you are not alone with this. When we invite friends over for BBQ's all the husbands and even the wives or female single soldiers talk shop...you have to start another conversation...just tell them..work is over for the day...lets talk about something else.


Once you have been in for a while you will start understanding everything they are saying....


Just hang in there...all of them do it...you just have to either change the conversation or tune them out. Maybe next time have it at your house and invite some people you know that way you have another spouse there that is not in the military to talk to or to help you start another conversation....


Good Luck with it
One of the things married folks NEED to do is protect the other. Your husband didn't do that. It would have been a good sign had he realized you weren't included and taken action to see that you were. It is further not a good sign that neither of the other couple came to your rescue. In fact, it is basic civility to be aware of these things. Sorry you had to go through that. It is very much to be hoped that your husband will grasp what happened and ';get'; the importance of protecting you.
as time goes on you will catch on and understand what they are talking about...maybe become a little more interested in what exactly your husband does, ask him about things and dont be shy to ask him what something means. you cant possibly join in on a conversation like that so dont feel left out or anything...it was rude of them to do that knowing you were the only one who couldnt relate, but these things happen you just have to bear with it..good luckk
I'm in the military, and a military wife... so yeah... we can relate to each other's job better because we go through the same thing... It's just the way it is. Maybe you can get more acquainted in what your husband does, ask him more about his day. If he has a funny story, ask him. When they're talking about things you don't understand, ask them to explain it to you.


Remember, you only have control over yourself. Take the extra steps to learn more. He's your husband, I'm sure you're very interested!


When I'm around my civillian friends, I make sure to kind of ... not dumb it down... but simplify the acronyms... because they're not knowledgable in that stuff. It's just easier. But since you're a new wife, you'll need to learn that stuff eventually.


Congratualtions on getting married by the way!


There are classes at the Family Support Center that help new spouses adapt to the military life, so maybe seek that out. Good luck!
The first thing you need to realize is... he's in the Army. Therefore, the Army is his life. No matter how hard he tries to have a personal life too... the Army is ALWAYS there. Eventually, he'll get to the point(if they are good friends, or become good friends), that they won't want to talk about work at home. This takes some time, but it will happen.


While I wouldn't suggest to not have dinner with this couple again, maybe he has another coworker with a civilian wife. Whatever you do, let your husband know how you feel, and how you felt that night. Like someone else said, he probably doesn't realize that he's doing it.
Okay, I can imagine how uncomfortable that was!


I grew up in a military house, so being married to the military was no shock for me.


I'm familiar with pretty much everything hubby and the buddies may talk about (terminology wise) but if something comes up that I don't get (like an inside joke or whatever) a gentle kick under the table (or squeezed hand, whatever) works wonders. Talk to him in andvance, tell him that when they talk shop ('put their boots on') it leaves you in the 3rd wheel position. If he wants to include you (as he should) he needs to pause a second and explain things to you. If he doesn't like it or gets tired of doing it, (or even has the basic manners of a wildebeast) he will catch on and switch topics to something you can all discuss. You may choose to not even be that subtle-- interrupt! Put a finger in the air, so they know you have something to say (if they are rambling non-stop) and just ask! ';Hey, new kid here! What does that mean?'; Hang in there, it will all make sense to you with time. But in the same way that you don't know how to be a mil. wife yet, he doesn't know how to be a good mil.husband yet. You both just have to learn as you go... Good luck!