Got a friend who has lost his wife. need advice .?

i have a friend who has lost his wife about year and half ago. we have been friends for a long time. he is alot older and we have worked together in past. he mourns his wife which i understand and want to be there to listen and care. but, he contines to drink and hurt himself. he cooks to pass the time and yeaterday he shared another dish despite me telling him over and over please no more food. and he is driving in the driveway which i have asked him not to. because most of the time he is drunk. i saw him take a swige as he was backing up yesterday. he didnt see me watching. he is 65 i feel like saying grow up !!! you are gonna hurt yourself hurt someone else !!! but i am careful i dont want to be the one to push him over the edge as he is still deppressed over his wife. WHAT CAN I DO ???? i have to set my boundries. i do not approve of his behavior...yet if i express this who knows what he will do. drink and drive more ?? i want to be a friend but, i am tolersting behavior, i dont like !!!Got a friend who has lost his wife. need advice .?
sure, when you see him drinking call the cops and report his tags. if you do it twice, they'll start looking for him. Other wise start going to Al anon it's a support group for people that have to deal with alcoholics.Got a friend who has lost his wife. need advice .?
You really want to know what to do, Okay. The man has a death wish. He really sees no purpose in going on. You are correct about the drinking, sooner or later he or some else is going to get killed. Next time you see him in the car drinking, dial 911 and let them handle it. That may just be the wake up call he needs.
try getting him involved with outside activities that will shunt his brain from focusin gon his loss. as he continues to focus on his loss he will keep spiraling more and more into depression.. ya gotta shock him out of it.. get others involved also that might help with doing other things with him. .and then ask him to stop doing the things to you that you consider unacceptable. . hurt his feelings.. it's ok..
Tell him his wife had been seeing the mail man for that last ten years. That will help him move on. If that doesn't work tell him that she told you she'd rather be dead than live another day with him. Get the idea? I just want to help.
You need to stand up and tell him to his face that you do not approve of his behavior, and until he straightens up his act, you no longer will be his friend. Hopefully he will see what he is about to lose and change his ways. Good luck.
tell him his wife would not want him to drink himself to death or put other people in danger.and if he continues his behavior you cannot be his friend anymore because your not going to sit by and watch him through his life away.
tell him his wife would not want him to drink and see if he will go to a grief support group.
You sound like a good friend to have. His giving you food is, an outlet for the love he once gave his wife. And the booze is the pain killer for his heart. He needs to get help for the drinking, AA is a good place to start. You give them a call and ask someone thats been there what to do. As an outside party they can give you the right answers. It so touches the heart that he chose you to show love to. People forget that love is an Action, and this man is showing you the love he once had for his wife. He could have been inappropriate in his behavior to show love, instead he spent time in the kitchen killing his pain with the booze, and loving you as a friend. Call AA and keep being the Great friend you are. We need more people like you in this world.


jp
Tell him that it is time that he get some help because he is not healing or progressing through the process of grief. More times than people will admit they need professional help to stop destructive behavior and change their outlook so that they can go forward. You cannot do this for him. Tell him point blank that you are worried about his behaviour and you think that he could seriously benefit from some medical and emotional help. Tell him there are groups and such perhaps look up some to refer him to locally but he needs more help than you can give. Tell him to get help and that you cannot condone his behavior or enable him until he does so.
Wow! You are taking this friendship really personal. It sounds like your thoughts are on his situation and not your own. You can't please or save everybody. What you can do is be there as a friend and thats about it but it seems like you are going above and beyond that. It feels like you're taking his pain as you own, why? Is this how you want to live your life right now? By being a crutch to someone who IS NOT your husband. Or are you already married? Either way if you want to remain stuck in this emotional rut then by all means continue. But what about your life?? I guess you can always put it on the back burner until you are ready. Unless of course this way of life makes you happy.