Stay @ home mommy and wife advice needed?

I am seriously wanting to go back to work and reluctantly I am ready to admit I am terrified.





For reasons I am afraid.





1. My hubby is very hard working but spoiled with a very comfy home life.





2. I don't want to lose the close bond we have as a family. Or not be there for our girls.





3. I am afraid of not fulfilling all my wifely duties And motherly as well.


And last I really blow at dealing with confrontation.





In the past when I tried to work out of the home it created tension and confrontation from my hubby. Which because of our girls I have in and quit.





I have been doing baby sitting which makes me tired and I also spent 50 plus hours a week for very little money only to get attached to the new born. Not good. But it happens when you know a child is lacking TLC.





Please don't bash me. Good advice even if hard is what I am looking for.





In my hubbys defense he is a really good man but I am well aware he could be more supportive in this case.





Thanks for reading.Stay @ home mommy and wife advice needed?
Why do you want to go out and work? Money? Boredom?





It appears that you want to go out and work but the main worry is your hubby's reaction and what impact it will have on your kids, which is fair enough.





Do you consider yourself a submissive housewife? Because there is a difference between being submissive and a doormat.





Your husband is used to a very comfy life. But what about what you want? I understand that there are some wife's out there who will do anything their hubby says to minimise any chance of him leaving, but are you prepared to sacrifice all your needs and wants to keep him happy?





Apart from working and being there, what does your hubby do to fulfill your needs and wants? Again if it doesn't matter what you need and want, then there's no point in even asking this question.





I understand you don't want to cause tension. I can also understand why a lot ofwife'ss in your position would take the easy route and just stay home. Really it's up to you. But I know i would not ever stop my wife from working if she chooses. I want a wife, not a slave or someone I can walk all over and treat as I please.





BTW,. this is not an attack on submissive or traditional housewife'ss who i want to add, I have a lot of respect for, just like I do career women.Stay @ home mommy and wife advice needed?
Looking for and going out to work is good and appreciated. However, going to a job just because someone's 'tired' of baby-sitting is ridiculous. It is possible to balance home-keeping AND working on a career -- it needs extra work and possibly cooperation from the hubby.





Good luck.
Are your girls in school? If you are paying for daycare it may not even be worth it. Many women who are good mothers and wives work full time jobs. You are right to be terrified it is a lot of work. I worked, went to school, and took care of the house and kid and there was no help from my husband because he worked 2 jobs but you just do what you have to do. There's always a way to make it work.
I think its great u want to go back to work, but maybe part time at a relaxing place like a Botanical Gardens or try creating something of your own. I think your kids need your support and that if the oppurtunity is available to staying home you should at least take a portion of it to your advantage. Good Luck!!
It really depends on your household finances. If you don't really need the extra income, stay home with the kids. Once they grow up you will never have that opportunity again. When they start school full time, then look at going back to work.
Maybe going back to work part-time would be better for you.
How about a local part time job while the kids are at school?
I am in the same boat. I am currently looking for a full time job also. The only prob w/ us is he wants me to work but because I am ';the wife'; I am still expected to cook, clean and do all the running. I told mine flat out, ';If I gotta go get a job then be prepared to step up and be the cook, housekeeper and runner, oh yeah and don't forget the sex!'; We tried to switch roles, he stayed home for 6 months, he was freakin, I had to quit my job because he went and found one behind my back, (making more money and same hours) I had to quit cause we still couldn't afford childcare. As far as the kids, they'll adjust. Kids are amazing that way. Your hubby, just tell him that things aren't gonna be so easy w/ you workin. If you do go back, make cassaroles on the weekends that your off and freeze, easy dinner.
I suggest a part time job! can i ask why you want out of the house? is it too work or is it to get out of the house!


if it is to get out of the house and you ahve money try taking a few classes somewhere it will get you out of house and it can help you work towards a career when your kids are grown up more!





as for you numbered list


1. times change things change it's called adjustment. he will adjust if you properly communicate your thoughts wishes and expectitations.


2. if you dont want to lose that bond then dont only work part time and keep your family in the #1 spot! example your working and your kid needs you do you stay at work or do you attend to your kid -- whom ever is in #1 will win! :)


3. all of this goes back to number 1...








i sence your man don't want you to go back to work!


and if he does have the income to support try a school or work shop to get you out of the house more!


if you do want to work then you need to have a heart t heart with your man and tell him in a family meeting about the household changes!


if you work part time you will not put too much on your family!


but remember they are your family they love you you are accepted they don't have to like everything you do!


just communicate forgive and express how this will help you!


NEVER put it in a form that points a figure or says something negitive! that will bring more stress to the sistaution!


best of luck!


enjoy the creative spelling (sorry)
It is not easy to work full time and take care of a family, and you will half to make sacrifices. Don't let anyone tell you you can do all the things that you are now doing and work too, trust me it can't be done, you are only one person. Whatever decision you make do it because it is what you think is best, don't do it out of pressure from others. There is no right or wrong decision in your situation. Whatever you decide your family will adjust as long as your children and husband know you love them.
鈾?You're going to just have to sit down %26amp; lay it all out on the table for your hubby. Explain to him the reasons, the pros %26amp; cons, etc just they way you have explained to us. Maybe you could start working part time at first that way you will still have time to fulfill your ';wifely duties'; and be with your girls. If money isn't the issue you could also do some volunteering which will get you out of the house, but allow you the flexibility.





Good Luck!
I am a stay at home mom, with one child. I too would love to go back to work and have conversations that doesn't have to do with ';Fancy Nancy';. Like you, I babysit here and there for extra money. My view is and will always be,





1. Enjoy this time with the little ones, they like you ';NOW';, want to be with you, by 6 yrs old....friends friends friends will be all they think about.





2. The YMCA offers PDO/PNO (parent day/night out) 4-5 hours of babysitting that will give the children time to play as well as you and your husband.





You are stress, so am I, but in the end...you need some time for you, take an hour or two one day a week to have ME time with a friend. It is amazing how just that small break makes the rest of the week less stressful. I look forward to my friday fun with my friend, it gives me time to recoup and enjoy my family more for at least 2 to 3 more days.
I am slightly confused by your question, as you say you seriously want to go back to work, but then go on and list a lot of reasons which make it sound like you don't want to.





1. Your husband can get used to doing things for himself when he comes home. A lot of men are quite domesticated when given the chance to be.





2. I don't know what to say about you not being there for your girls, quite frankly. I expect your girls have friends whose mothers work, so they will probably get used to it. A lot of young people regard this as normal nowadays. Whether they will like it or not is another matter. This is something you have to make up your own mind about.





3. If you are working at a job, then your wifely duties and motherly duties will have to be cut down. Your husband will have to share in some of your domestic responsibilites. If he won't, then you will just hve to let the less important things go.





50 plus hours a week is far too long for anyone to be baysitting someone else's children. Their parents must never see them at all.





You and your husband need to get this sorted out. He will have to accept that if you are going to work, you won't be able to wait on him hand and foot as well. The thing is, is it going to pay you to go back to work? With you and your husband both out at work, will the cost of childcare be covered and it still be worth your while to work? If you are going to be worrying about the children all the time, then is it worth it? The two of you need to discuss these things.
Just work 20 - 25 hours a week and then that is more than enough time at home. You will still be able to cook, clean and see your children in all that time. I find by the time you are out the house its time to come home. You can pick up all the food shopping on the way home and then its ready to make, you can clean in the half hour when the kids get in bed then you have the rest of the night to chill out spend time with your husband.





It does sound like you are making excuses and if I was your husband I would be upset to as you arent supporting him and bringing home the money. Maybe he is stressed and thats why he isnt supportive.
It sounds to me like you really don't want to go back to work. If you guys can get by on your husband's income, and you don't want to go back, then don't. Stay home and be there for your family. You are doing something hugely important for them, regardless of what anyone else says. You know it, and I know it too (I'm a SAHM like you). If you don't want to work outside the home, then don't. Find something you can do from home. I sell Avon on the side. You could do. It's possible to advance quite far and make a truckload of money with Avon, if you play your cards right. Just a thought. ; )
I remember being in that position when my kids were younger. I wanted to work outside of the home, but but realized there was too much I would have to give up.





The biggest thing for me was realizing that the only thing you really can't get back is TIME. I wanted to be able to look back and say that I did my best and was there with my kids all along the way. I opted to give up working until all my kids were in school so *I* could be the one raising them and not a nanny or someone who wouldn't give them the love that only a mother could give. I'm only 40 and my kids are grown now and I started my career now. I look back and it feels so good to have no regrets because the first portion of my life was being a mom and wife. NOW, it's about me (and still happily married and being a good wife).





I say all that to say - alot of people will say just get a job and your kids will adjust. While that may be true, they only NEED you for such a short amount of time and you'll never get that time back. You'll have the rest of your life to do what you want, you know?





Good luck with whatever you decide.
Why do you want to go back to work? Is it because you feel you might be considered lazy by your peers for staying at home? What ever the reasons are, you should make sure that they are worth it, and you are willing to pay the price, because everything costs something.


From what you've written, is doesn't seem you're 100% ready. Take some time to do an online course for instance or take some classes when your girls are in school. this will give you the confidence to face the challenges of being a wife, mother and wage earner. Figure out a plan, can you cook ahead, can you get your family to help with the house chores, so on.


When youre really ready, do what I did, tell your husband about all the old ladies who got alzheimers because they didn't socialize enough and weren't mentally and physically active enough and how their well fed KEPT husbands had to take care of them in the end because of their disabilities or pay someone a big packet of money to do it for them. A few embellishments won't hurt.


Finally, whatever you decide, do it for you. You matter most.
It sounds like your making up some excuses. I am sorry if that is offensive. It sounds like you want to go back to work but maybe afraid of the change. I myself am a stay at home mom and want go back t o work too. You need to way out the pros and cons and if you think it is worth it to go back to work then dos o. It will give you a break from the kids which every mother needs. You also will get the chance to make a little money which right now in this economy is a huge need.
Well, to begin with, did you and your husband talk about any sort of game plan before the children arrived? If you did, and it involved you going back to work, then simply remind him that that was the plan. It's hard to argue with that.





Also, how old are your kids? If they are all in school, then you shouldn't worry too much about not being there, so long as you find a job with reasonable hours. You can get a job in the school system, as a substitute or paraprofessional, and essentially work the hours your kids are in school.





And lastly, are you SURE you want to go back? You seem rather ambivalent to going back yourself, my advice would simply be to talk openly and earnestly with your husband about your doubts, fears, and wishes, and see what his own are. Then work out a plan that you both can live with. the bottom line is that you should be asking your husband for help and advice.








Edit-Um, who DOESN'T agree with talking to your SO openly about what BOTH of you want? Seems perfectly reasonable to me.
Talk to your husband first. I realize it can be scary, as a man I know what your husband is feeling. It's easy to get into the routine of getting the paycheck and then coming home to a clean house, a great dinner, a happy wife and kids. It's comfortable and relaxing and I'm sure your husband feels unwilling to give up that comfort for an unknown change. However you absolutely need to put your feelings out on the table and let him know you'd like to try working again. If he's the great guy you claim he is, he'll listen (after some pouting) and you all can come to a consensus.





I suggest starting off doing part time work. You could get a job as a receptionist at a car dealership or something. It's a no hassle job with decent pay and you could work 20-25 hours a week. By doing this you will still be able to spend tons of time with your family and you could ease yourself back into the work force and help your family slowly adapt to the change.