My friend just confessed to me that he cheated on his wife. What advice should I give him?

My friend told me that he had been cheating on his wife for about a month when he finally stopped the affair. His wife doesn't know about it. He feels very ashamed and angry at himself.





When I asked him why he did it, he said he was ';feeling lonely.'; He said his wife recently told him that ';I used to think you knew everything, now I know you don't know sh**.'; They have an 8 year old boy and an infant girl.





I asked him if they shared an emotional closeness in the past, and he said, ';Not really. Never.';





This guy goes to work every day, has a steady job, tries to save money, is buying a nice house, but the economics is hard. I told him many couples have to both work to make ends meet. She hasn't worked for several years. She doesn't even know how to drive and refuses to learn.





What he did was wrong, but at least he did stop. And he feels terrible about it. What advice should I give this guy?My friend just confessed to me that he cheated on his wife. What advice should I give him?
It's a typical scenario. Whatever he does, advise him not to confess as it'll only cause more problems than he can handle. What is needed here is some counseling for both before he gets into a pattern of affairs to ease his loneliness.My friend just confessed to me that he cheated on his wife. What advice should I give him?
What you should do is stay out of it. There is no winning solution for you.





You have his side of the story but you don't have hers and you don't need either.





If he really feels guilty then he is the one who has to make the decision how to deal with it. Otherwise the guilt will destroy the relationship.





Back out while you can





tcw



Tell him that he should try to forgive himself and work on making his marriage better. Tell him that marriage counseling could help.





By the way, being a housewife and a mother is a full time job if done right. The with most kids today, is that they lacked the proper nurturing that a parent at home can provide for them.
Sounds as though the honeymoon period is well and truly over, best thing to advise him to do is to seek counselling, and, if you are his true friend then stick by him.
I would say tell him he has to tell his wife what happend as their marriage has problems if the guy is lonely. Communication is the key to a healthy marriage.
well at least he stopped and they need marriage counseling
be an ear to listen, but stay out of it! TRUST ME!
Sorry I can't feel sorry for your friend there is no excuse for cheating. He says he cheated because she said something he didn't like. RIGHT and I bet he has said mean things to her to so he needs to stop. He has not fully learned his lesson other wise he wouldn't try to shift some of the blame cheating strictly falls on the cheater. Im sure his wife could tell you an ear full. I know that because look at what he has told you about her and I bet you are not the only one he has told this to more than likely he told the woman he cheated with even worst stuff which means he talks about his wife behind her back to you and others that worst than saying something mean in the heat of a moment in my book.








You need to tell you friend he needs to take a look at himself because no one is perfect.
First I want to add, I don't care what SHE does or doesn't do, she doesn't deserve to be cheated on. OK, second, this is a story of my life. My husband felt the same way after he cheated on me. I would suggest to him to come clean to his wife and they need to start working on their marriage. There are multiple things they need to do and if they want to know more, email me. You may not believe this but my husband and I were just on Nat'l TV talking about this on Tuesday. We talked about the book Gary Neuman's ';Why men cheat';. We totally agree with what he says, that men need the emotional support also in a relationship. I can give you a link to the website and you/him can watch the video. My husband and I are working through his affair and we are better than ever BUT it takes both of them to do so and he needs to cut off all ties w/this woman. The wife is going to have to start pulling her weight in the relationship also. Granted raising 2 kids is very hard ( I have 3) but she needs to do more to fulfill him also. Its a lot and too much to put on here. Please email me and I'll give you more.
You should give the guy no advice at all. That is his affair, he may have told you this because he had a guilty consience, that's it. What is done is done, he has to live with the problems that he has made or the issues that arise in his relation. Why would you want to interfere? So that when wifey and he get into a fight, he can bring your name up and say something like ';I should have listened to what-his/her-name';....not too good of an ending either way.





Just listen, don't offer any advice...that way, you do the least amount of damage...
Don't give him any advice. Just let him know you are there if he needs to talk. Sometimes giving advice can backfire on a well meaning friend.





The thing I'd be wondering about is how he stopped the affair, and does that person even realize he has ended it? She might be a crazed psycho and blow his secret. That should be his worst fear.





This could lead to a divorce/child custody battle, and the potential broken hearts of his little kids. I'd let it be his decision on what to do from here.





You sound like a good caring friend.



Cheating is wrong but to many is a temporary fix to an unhappy home situation. It sounds as if he's building this marriage on his own. Her not working AND neglecting the needs of her husband is really not a fair share. He's more of a servant in the house more than a husband.





If his wife is not willing to make a complete turn around, your friend will never be happy and always find someone else to be with. Tell him to lay the truth firmly to his wife. Tell him to make a list of what his expectations are from the relationship. Have him say to her that if those are not met or if he doesn't see a change, then he really should move on with his life but maintain a very close relationship with the kids. Advise him not to start another relationship without figuring out what to do with the one he is in. It gets too confusing and there is normally a bundle of guilt that remains inside.


Wish him luck.
Instead of ';putting wood on a fire'; running to another woman because he is getting treated with such disrespect from his wife, he has to confront his wife and threaten that the way she is treating him will stop! No matter how bad cheating is, his wife caused it. She pushed him out the door if she's not showing him love, respect %26amp; communication. That's not marriage %26amp; family. It's just immature and unintelligent.





If he truly loves her, the only thing he can do now is forget what he did and move on to change the life he's been living with his wife. Woman hate men that aren't strong and let them toss them around like a piece of sht. He has to threaten that if she doesn't love him, because she's not showing it then he's out the door. He has to threaten that he doesn't have to deal with this nonsence. He'll give her one more try and he will be willing to make this marriage work, but if she isn't he's filing for divorce. The only way it will work is if neither spouse is selfish and that's what she is. Marriage is each spouse taking care of each other and both taking care of the children. Giving each other confidence and compliments. That's why you get married! To share life together, not to ruin each other's life and that's what she's doing. She is definitely the wife any man would cheat on.





Let him know that he has to become strong and powerful. Not to allow anyone cause him to hate coming home after work.
I think he needs to decide what he wants from life. If his marriage is an unhappy one then he is wasting an awful lot of his time on someone who obviously doesn't appreciate the effort he puts in.





The affair was wrong but understandable - I'm sure his wife wouldn't think that though.





He needs to have a chat with his wife - get what he wants from the relationship out in the open and find out what she wants. Only then can they move on.





As for the affair - better to pretend it didn't happen.
I would recommend that your friend and his wife get counseling. Many couples do it, and most health insurances will cover a portion of the cost. If they belong to a church, there may be free couples sessions available. Tell him that it is easier to be in counseling while they are still living together, instead of waiting until a big blow out and one spouse walking out the door. Marriage counseling is not just for crisis situation, but should be a tool to get that emotional closeness back on track. Whether or not he chooses to confess his infidelity is his business, not yours.
Your friend will not stop, as things get worse, for him, then he will look for a way to feel better and he will cheat again. Once a cheater, always a cheater.





Your friend needs help and he needs to come clean with his wife, if your friend cheated once, and came home to bed with his wife his wife slept with the person he cheated on her with also.





Why? because when he slept with that person and if he got a disease from that person your friend transferred it to his wife, so in a sense, your friend's wife slept with that person also.
first if they both have a 8 year old boy, she does have a job,


shes a domestic homemaker





What he did is wrong but if she belittles him and makes him feel lonely and worthless ...then he's all right