Need marriage advice about wife!!!?

Anyone HELP! I have been married for almost 2 years. I'm 24 but feel like 40. I am dead tired. I work 40 hours a week, come home and then work another full time job as house cleaner. My wife will not help. When I ask her to help she gets mad and tells me the more I ask her to clean the more she is going to put it off. I end up doing all the chores. It really irritates me that I bought her a new house and she doesnt even want to help me clean it. I am physically and mentally drained from the stress. I've tried talking to her, but she just gets mad. What do I do? I'm at the end of my rope. Thanks for any advice.Need marriage advice about wife!!!?
Very hard to deal with. NO CONFRONTATIONS! A sit down is in order, you are going to have to ';handle her';. Tell her exactly how you feel, and that you would like to get to a place where you two can enjoy each other, and that isn't happening if she is 100% dependent. If you both want to enjoy life, have vacations, or kids then things will have to change. I would NOT do the hotel thing, depending on the state you live in, she could file for divorce while your gone on the basis of desertion or alienation of affection, and she would get the house, which she could sell and sit on her lazy @ss on the proceeds from that sell. Be careful, respectful, but firm on what you expect from her in this marriage, and what you are willing and unwilling to put up with. Best of luck to you.Need marriage advice about wife!!!?
Been there with my hubby its probably something more. He was miserable. But she has to want to get help if it is something bigger you will not be able to make her.
As hard as this may be, you must stop cleaning the house. Simple. Come home from work, eat your dinner, pick up after yourself and settle in and do what you like; TV, computer time, read, whatever. When you need clean clothes, only do your own laundry. Make sure you fold and hang it up and put it away. After you shave or bathe, clean the bathroom, but only your mess, not hers. It will be hard, but eventually your wife will get the picture. She will soon tire of living in her filth and then she will realize it is all her mess and she will have nothing to be angry with you about. Now, as for the underlying issue. I assume you knew this woman before you married her. People do not just become inconsiderate or slobby overnight, so you must have known this was her nature, unless she put on an Oscar winning performance until the ';I do's'; were said. So either you signed on until death do you part with someone who you knew was self centered, lazy and not really into cleanliness. OR you need to have a VERY serious conversation and figure out why she suddenly does not want to help with household chores. Perhaps if your wife is just too tired after a long work week, you may want to do you both a favor and hire a maid for 2 times a week. Hope this helps. Good luck!
Try saying that they're a lot of things you can get up to while cleaning a house, for example 'cleaning in the nude'
Well it's obvious that you love her b/c evidently you married her... i think you should just give her some time but if it gets to be too much for you then you just gotta do what cha gotta do... but most marraiges start off like that so dont feel discouraged just give it some time
Shes needs to remember that a marriage is 50/50. She needs to keep up her part of the bargain as well as you have. You obvioulsy provide for her so its time she gets back and sorry to say but if she doesnt want to help then maybe she shouldnt be there. You really need to let her know, Hey I wokr my butt off to give you what you want and all I'm askin for is a little in exchange.regardless of wether or not she gets angry, she needs to keep hearing it. Hope this helps
You have a few choices here. Does your wife work full time? If so, perhaps you can afford to hire a cleaning service to do all the grunge work every couple of weeks. In between cleanings, you can each take care of just your own personal things.


If you can't hire a cleaning service, sometimes you can call your local schools to see if they have teens who are looking for a few odd jobs like occasional cleaning. You might need to leave your wife's messes alone for a while. Pick up and clean up after yourself only. Do only your laundry. This may wake her up to the fact of how much you are doing just to keep you both from being snowed under by dirty clothes and dishes.


Try to work out a reasonable schedule with her and offer rewards. If she helps you clean one night a week, you take her to her favorite restaurant the next night.


If none of this works, you may just have to live with a messy house. Some people never grow up enough to take responsibility for their own messes.
Spend $50 every two weeks and have a house cleaner come in and clean it.
Got kids? Not sure if my advice is good, but take a break away from her. You're being taken for granted. You've got to draw the line!
Been there, done that. Sounds like something deeper is bothering her. Get professional counseling for both of you ASAP. If it isn't fixed real quick I guarantee you'll face divorce like I did.
She knows your pattern you have to use reverse psych why? it breaks the pattern instead of asking her to clean you will have take the inititive to do it yourself I know your working two jobs but sometimes just by you coming in the house after gruling day and doing house work will make her feel bad inside she is she is set in her ways and she wants some type of attention in a weird way.And she feels thats the only wayshe can get your att also beware of potential cheating or some outside party you working to pay the bills and that has left her with to much time alone. I am totally on your side with this but there diffiently something more why she does not have a good sole to see her husband needs help.
Well, if the standards of ';clean'; are different between you and the wife, you will always have to put up with at least some of it. How dirty can the house get that you have to clean it every day, anyway? Get a maid to come out a couple of times a month - if housework is the only point of contention between you and your wife, setting $200/month aside for a maid service may be the best investment you will ever make. My husband and I have a maid come in every two weeks - and we NEVER have to argue about housework anymore. And now that we pay money to have the house cleaned, we have more incentive to keep it picked up and at least partially tidy in-between the maid visits. If you're THAT stressed out by cleaning - look into it. Might be worth it.
You're 24, what is your wife? 2? Didn't you two discuss these things BEFORE you got married? Does she work full time also? Is she pregnant? Your home is for BOTH of you, which means BOTH of you have to support it, and maintain it. If she's not going to be part of the bargain, she shouldn't reap the benifits of you breaking your back. If she pulls a crybaby routene on you, she's being a spoiled brat, and all she's really doing is killing your relationship..


From now on when you cook cook for yourself, and wash your own dishes. If you do make something for her, or there's leftovers, serve it to her on a paper plate, with plastic throw away utensils. Tell her that's all she gets until she joins the family, and helps maintain your home. When you do laundry do yours, and bag hers dirty and store them away. Tell her if she wants clean clothes to do her own, and stop trying to get a free ride in life. Keep 1 towel clean for yourself, and let the rest get dirty until theres none left.


When she's tired of throw away seconds, and dirty clothes, (you'll probably have to restrict her spending so she doesn't just go out and buy more), she'll get off her duff and help out.


This may sound mean, but she has to join the real world. It doesn't mean you've stopped loving her, (Does it?) it just means you need a partner, not a couch potato.


And by the way, my wife hasn't done my laundry in 25 years, and I preferr it that way. I can keep track of my stuff easier, and know whats available.


Good Luck.
Both of you are young. Do not be hasty and rush into things. this will only end up in regrets. The only way out is to get into a communication mode with her. Show patience and faith in yourself. I would suggest you read Dale Carnegie's ';How to win friends and influence people'; and also ';Creative Visualization'; by Shakti Gawain. Both are classics. Get your wife also interested in helping you both have a great life. Find out what irks her. She may have a genuine grievance which may have nothing to do with you. Discuss and only after everything fails after genuine attempts at reconciliation opt for divorce. Till then do not even think of it as an option.


Read additionally Wayne Dyer, Robin Sharma, Abraham Hicks and Deepak Chopra.
Does she work full time too? Then hire a housekeeper to come in and clean, and have her pay part of the bill along with you. If she does not work outside the home, get a new wife.
Hire Avery attractive house keeper to come over and clean for you when your home This will piss off your wife and she might agree to change her ways to keep the woman out Good luck
give her the boot,get rid of her.
Well, you probably bought the house for YOU also, not just her, right? And YOUR standards are what you feel aren't being met, right? So, maybe YOU need to lower your expectations and just accept her as she is. When you try to change your mate, it spells trouble. People have to want to change on their own, doesn't sound like she wants to. How about this - if it bothers you that much, either 1) pay for a cleaning lady once every 2 weeks, and take that money out of your wife's allowance (sounds like you probably give her an allowance). or - 2) move into an apartment which is much smaller and therefore, YOU could clean it in about 5 minutes each night when you get home.


In the end, this is NOT worth the stress. In most cases, it is the WOMAN who gets so frustrated with the man for not helping at home. Nice to see there are some tidy men out there, too! Not worth ruining a marriage over, though. You MUST have known she was not a neat freak before you married her, right? This can't be a shock to you, so you got who you married, no sense trying to change her or she will resent you.
Does she work? Do you have any children? If not, she needs to take care of a lot of the chores you are doing? Marriage is not a ticket to a long vacation. If she will not compromise, seek marriage counciling.
First of all, why did you marry her in the first place if you knew she wasn't a team player? Sloppy, messy little girls grow up to be sloppy, messy women.





Tell her in a way that gets your point across with out seeming combatative that you work very hard at the office and that you just want to come home to a house that is clean and that you'd appreciate her help in keeping the house uncluttered. If she doesn't work and is home all day, she should do all of the housework; plain and simple. If she also has a job, you will have to share the housework as evenly as possible.





Talk to her. Maybe there are some chores she absolutely refuses to do, such as sweep the cobwebs from the ceiling corners, or wipe down the tops of the kitchen cabinets where she can't reach. But I bet you can negotiate and come up with a fair chore list that she will accept.





If she still refuses to be an equal partner, remind her of your marriage vows and that if she is not supportive and shares in the equal management of your household, she is in violation of that contract and can be found at fault in a divorce hearing.





It sounds like you two are too young to have gotten married. She sounds like she's quite immature still.
I do the yard and my wife does the dishes. When the yard looks like crap, she gets to complain. When she needs a clean fork, that's her department.





Let it get really bad for a while and she'll whine until she kicks in and does it.





If she doesn't, well...someone needs to work out the duty roster and start sharing responsibility.
You are doing everything right with your life. Only mistake you have made is choosing the wrong wife.
You could make a list of chores and then tell her a marriage is 50/50 and then split them. Tell her if she does not want to do her chores she must work extra time to pay someone to do it. Or it comes out of her 1/2 of discretionary income.





2. You could ignore her chores and only do your own. Let her clothes stay dirty. If they are on the floor leave her stuff there.





3. Tell her that anything you find on the floor goes in the trash (I would keep them someplace and then give back when she starts helping)





4. Divorce Her. If she simply wants to use you as a housekeeper, she probably does not Love you and is using you to support her and be her housekeeper.





5. One more give her gift certificates for cleaning services for her Birthday, Christmas, Anniversary....maybe she will get the hint!





Sorry!





Hope you find someone that truly loves you and understands that marriage is an equal partners relationship.
I think you need to take her to a school or church, to teach her how a marriage should be. Does she work??? if she does what shes doing to you is wrong. But if she does work is also wrong b/c you bought her the house and she needs to know how to appreciate it . just like you appreciat her b/c you bought her a house. who would not want that? If you really love her, you should find out if she really loves you or is just using you. I think first you should focus if she loves you or not. then take care of the cleaning.
You need to stop doing everything. Does your wife work the same hours you do? If so, then she should be doing 1/2 of all the chores. It's not right that one person, be it male or female, clean up after two people.
If you go to work and are supporting the both of you and she is a stay-at-home wife then she needs to do her part. Maybe she didn't really want to get married if you love her and love being married then maybe you should tell her to get a job to help out more and maybe even living in her own apartment for awhile.
Sounds just like me 40+ hours and then home to do cooking and cleaning. 3 men live in my home not one will even take out the trash or even mow. Been tring for 22 years found no solution. Screaming don't work, Asking nice don't work, Telling them I can not do it by my self didn't work. One time I did go on strike %26amp; refused to mow. My neighbors said something 2 me about how the yard needed a mow I told them I was on strike. They said something to my husband about me being on strike and the next day he was out side mowing, but it only worked the one time. He was pi**ed off at me for it.
Clean up only you and/or your kids stuff. Throw all her sh... stuff in a pile. If she complains about that tell her to clean more then lol.
Why did you get married? You should have just shacked up.





You need to let her know how upset you are. (Sounds like you already have.) After that, you need to ask her why she doesnt seem to care how you feel. If she gets mad, dont let that deter you. Ask her why she gets angry when you try to talk about a serious issue thats affeting your relationship. After a point, if she wont make an effort to communicate and explain her behavior, you've got to get out. Life is too short to spend in bad relationships.
Stop asking her to help and stop cleaning and hire a maid.
Oh man! your only in a two year relationship not even, and your wife is acting like that.YOUR THE MAN OF THE HOUSE,REMEMBER THAT.....STOP doing things for your wife or else you will be doing it for the rest of your life,trust me.Does she work too or not , If not tell her ... it is her responsibility and duty to keep things in order inside the house and that includes cleaning,cooking,.etc.... and taking care of you .If she doesn't agree to that, she may be have another concept /idea about being married. I guess you have to straight things with her.. ....Keeping your things clean and staying in another place won't solve your problem but instead your only avoiding it. If things didn't worked, maybe it is time to give her you ultimatum which is to divorce her ,but are you willing to do that ? I have a very close relative and they both worked. .. but it is always the husband who is doing all the chores in the house and then the time came when all their ( 3) children now all grown up has the same attitude as their mother and the husband can't even asked them to help him around the house or even to clean their own room.The children always refused to help him.They told him you were able to do that with mom why can't you do that to us, your own children.They went to a lot of therapy and counselling but it went to nothing and they end up separating their ways.I'm telling you so ...you can take actions before it gets worst..I've been married for 27 years now and i have a job too at the hospital.I have three children but i still manage to takecare of my family there is always two days that your off from your job and i used that to catch up with my house hold chores .Also i make sure i don't neglect my husband too.Good luck.